I'm Not Easy to Love
by MKAmericanhero
Summary: A/O pairing. Alex/Olivia dancing around their feelings and as they do they slowly start to realize how much they need and love each other, no matter how hard the road ahead is they can handle it together.
1. Chapter 1

**So I clearly don't own any of these characters, Dick Wolf does. This is only my second story and I had no idea as to how to start this, but I love this pairing so much and I promise it will get better I just had to get them started somewhere.**

**The timing is set a little while after Undercover and in this story Alex is back and it's going to stay that way. Any pointers are welcome, but go easy on me. Enjoy**

It was a little after 11:00pm when she stepped onto the elevator. She rode up a couple of floors and the chime alerting her to her arrival snapped her back into reality. Alexandra Cabot hadn't been back at SVU for very long, but it felt good to be back home; she felt as if she had come home. As she rounded the corner she stopped at the double doors; she saw a fairly common sight, one lone detective sitting at her desk finishing paperwork. She quietly walked up to the desk and placed her hand on the detective's shoulder, the detective jumped and instinctively grabbed the wrist of the ADA.

"Jesus Christ Liv, it's just me." Olivia immediately loosened her grip and started to calm down. "Do you treat all your visitors to this treatment, or am I just special?"

_If you only knew how special you are too me. _ "Sorry, just a little jumpy, too much caffeine for me I guess. What are you doing here so late?"

"Elliot called me and asked me to check on you, make sure you actually left this office and got food and sleep and all of those other things that we humans need to survive." A smile spread across the face of the ADA, finding herself to be rather funny. "So come on, I'm taking you to get food and then I'm taking you home."

"So you and Elliot have taken it upon yourselves to be my babysitters now. You know I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself."

Alex sat on the edge of Olivia's desk and leaned in, getting so close that Olivia could smell her perfume, "I know that you can take care of yourself detective, but did it ever occur to you that maybe you're not the only one stuck in this building at an ungodly hour. No reason for us to suffer alone." She tucked a stray piece of hair behind Liv's ear and got up off the desk. "Now come on, I know a place that is open all night and its close by."

"Alex, I still have so much work to do, I'll just sleep here."

"What are you so afraid of, missing a deadline on paperwork?"

_What am I afraid of? I'm afraid of closing my eyes and falling asleep because every time I do I see him and I feel like I'm in that basement all over again._

"Fine, you win counselor" she grabbed her bag and threw her jacket on, "but you're buying."

"Deal."

They got to the diner about 15min later and as they looked at their menus Alex couldn't help, but take her eyes away from her menu and look across the table at her dinner companion. Even though Olivia had her eyes fixed on the menu, she had a sad expression that read across her face and in her eyes. Alex didn't know what was troubling her favorite detective, but she was hoping this dinner would help her figure it out.

The two women ordered and sat in silence for several minutes before Alex broke the silence with a rather pointed question, "So how did the undercover op. go?"

Surprised by the question and completely unwilling to answer it truthfully Olivia curtly responded, "It went well, we got everything we needed to put the guy away."

Alex could see the tears form in the corner of Olivia's eye and she decided not to pursue the matter any further, at least not in that public of a place. Searching for something to break the silence once again Alex started making small talk, "So anything interesting happening this week for you."

Olivia looked up from her plate and swallowed hard, "Actually, I'm taking a few days off to take care of some personal business." Her answer caught Alex off guard, _Time off, she never takes time off, even when Captain makes her take time off she always finds a way to work._

"Why are you taking time off, you going on vacation?"

Olivia put her fork down and took a deep breath, "Ok, I'm going to tell you the truth because you're one of my closest friends and I just hate lying to you. Tomorrow is the anniversary of my mother's death and I'm going to the cemetery to visit her grave, then I figured I had about 3 years of vacation days saved up so I decided to use them. End of story." _I can't tell her the whole truth; that I was seconds away from being exactly like my mother, being a victim._

The ADA winced as she had forgotten that the anniversary of her mother's death was always a hard time for Olivia. As she saw a single tear form in the corner of the detective's eye she reached out her hand and placed on top of Olivia, "Liv I'm sorry I completely forgot…anything you need from me you just let me know ok." The blond ADA's touch and kindness made Olivia smile, "Thanks and I'm fine just need to catch up on my sleep and just gather my thoughts, but thanks for the concern." And with that the detective gave the ADA's hand a light squeeze and got up from the booth.

"We should get going, you have court in the morning and I have some serious cleaning to do at my apartment." With that she grabbed her jacket and Alex through some cash on the table and they walked out of the diner and headed toward Alex's car.

The drive to Olivia's apartment was long and silent and when Alex pulled in front of her apartment both women sat in the car neither one of them willing to move. After a few minutes of silence, Olivia spoke up, "Well I should go it's getting late and I'm exhausted, thank you for dinner and I'll see you next week. Night Alex." And before Alex could respond Olivia was out of the car and the car door shut tightly behind her. And as she drove away Alex couldn't stop beating herself up for not speaking up. _Way to go Alex, don't say good night or have a nice sleep or I love you. Ok so maybe I save the I love you for another day, but I do really love you. I wonder if she loves me too. What am I saying, its never gonna happen, but it nice to dream._

**I know that that was a little rough around the edges, but bare with me it will get better as I go on.**

**Review for chapter 2.**


	2. Sins of the Mother

Olivia stood at her mother's grave and for a long time she did nothing more than stare at it. She knew that people normally cried when they visited loved one's grave sites, but she didn't feel the need to cry, at least not for the reason one might think. She wasn't exactly sure why she wanted to visit her mother's grave today, she hadn't done it in the previous years, why was this year so important. She knew that her near rape was why she was standing at her mother's grave, but she didn't know what she expected to happen because of it. While she was never one to put her emotions out in the open, Olivia figured that an empty cemetery would be the one place that it would ok to let her guard done, if only for a moment.

"I honestly don't know why I'm here, mom. Hell, I don't know why I'm talkin' to a ghost. I spent my whole life trying to run away from the crimes of my father; worrying that his bad blood was a part of me. I became a cop to make up for his actions, to help women like you, to give them the chance you never got; to give them justice. I put all my time and energy into not being like my father that I almost became you. I don't know how to handle this mom… but then again I'm not sure what coming here is supposed to help me with. Maybe I needed to remind myself that I am not you; I'm not the one who drank myself to death, I'm not the one the hurt my daughter because she reminded me of something horrible that happened, I'm not the one that gave up. That's it isn't it; the difference between you and me, you always gave up and took the easy way out and for some reason the easy way always included a bottle of vodka. But me, I keep fighting, against all logic and reason, I keep fighting. I'm gonna fight this too mom, I don't know if I will be able to get past what happened, but I refuse to let it control the rest of my life. I'm gonna keep fighting and see where it gets me."

And with that sentiment Olivia, placed two flowers at the base of her mother's headstone, one white tulip and one peony. To most people these flowers would seem random, but Olivia knew they each stood for something important; the white tulip stood as a symbol of forgiveness and the peony stood for healing.

She never got the chance to forgive her mother while she was alive, so Olivia knew that in order to find peace and start healing herself, she would first have to forgive her mother's actions. She figured the flowers were a good first step.


	3. Girl TalkWineNightmares

**Sorry it took so long, hard chapter to write. I wrote this one under the idea the Alex did go into Witness protection but came back for good a few episodes after Undercover. I realize this chapter may be a little bit character awkward, but it's my interpretation of events so they may not be exactly on point. But it's like I said before happy endings are my thing…and so are sequels so reviews are awesome…happy reading.**

It had been close to a week since Alex had last talked to her, she wanted to give her the space she needed, but she wanted to talk her, she wanted to see her and make sure she was as alright as she claimed she was. She figured that a week was enough time and distance and that it would be ok to call Liv and at least make sure she was ok.

The phone rang about three times until she heard the familiar husky voice on the other end answer, "Benson".

"Hey Liv, its Alex I…..well I just wanted to call and see how you doing."

"I'm fine just trying to clean up the apartment, I'm pretty sure there is a floor under all this crap, is something wrong?"

"No nothing's wrong, I just hadn't heard from you in a couple a days and I wanted to make sure you were doing alright…uh, I was wondering if you had any plans tonight?"

"Nope, but then again I do have a hot date with Ben and Jerry and my remote, why, you have a better idea?"

"Well, I was thinking if you weren't busy maybe you could come and I'd make us dinner…I kicked ass in court today I figured celebrating with you would be better than drinking by myself in a bar. What do you say? My place 6:30?"

"Sounds better than what had planned, I'll see you tonight."

Before she could say goodbye the line went dead and Alex snapped her phoned shut she looked down at what she was wearing and realized she was wearing sweat pants and an old tshirt. She had two hours to make herself look presentable and start dinner. Realizing this Alex ran full speed into her closet and started to dig through a variety of suits, suits and more suits….during this closet adventure Alex decided she needed to expanded her wardrobe.

_No wonder they call me the Ice Queen I don't wear anything but suits. I have to find something nice, but it can't look like a tried too hard, but I…what the hell am I thinking, I'm acting like I'm 16 and I'm getting ready for the prom, it's just dinner, but its dinner with her. For Christ sake Alex get your mind out of the gutter, this isn't a date it's just dinner. I don't even think Liv is gay, at least I pretty sure she isn't and even if she was there is no chance in hell I'm gonna land her in sweatpants and a baggy tshirt._

After about an hour of searching Alex settled on jeans and a slightly more fitted tshirt and with limited time she started cooking dinner and soon lost track of the time because before she knew it the buzzer was ringing, signaling Liv's arrival. Alex buzzed her in and figured she had about two minutes to pull herself together.

Liv knocked on the door and assuming that it was unlocked she walked in. "You know just cuz your front door costs more than my whole apartment doesn't mean this is the safest neighborhood, you can still get robbed, this is New York yah know, unlocked doors can lead to trouble."

Alex looked up from the stove and smiled, "well I figured that since I have one of New York finest in my apartment, that I'd probably be safe. I see you brought wine."

Liv handed her the bottle, "I felt bad that you were doing all the cooking and hard work so I figured the least I could do was bring the booze. Whatever your making it smells amazing."

"It nothing just pasta and I'm using a sauce that my mother taught me when I was a kid. Nothing too special."

"Please, the only thing I can cook is scrambled eggs and even that I manage to screw up every now and then."

Alex laughed and opened the wine pouring two glasses, "well maybe I'll have to teach how to cook something other than breakfast one day."

"I'd like that," Liv grabbed her glass and started walking around Alex rather palatial apartment and eventually found herself staring at a wall covered in pictures. Most of them were of Alex from her college days, but all of them had one thing in common; in every shot Alex was standing next to or had her arm around another blonde woman. _I wonder, psssh, no there is no way that woman is her girlfriend, Alex is as straight as they come…well it can't hurt to ask._ "Hey Alex, who's the blonde in all these photos with you."

Alex stopped stirring the sauce on the stove, turned off the burner and for a second she hesitated, "that's Amanda, we went to law school together, she was my," Alex took a rather deep breath and under her breath she mumbled, "girl friend."

_What? Did she just say, no, I swear she said girlfriend._

"She was your what?"

Alex gulped what was left of her glass of wine and while pouring another she repeated herself, this time a bit louder, "she was my girl friend Liv." Liv didn't say anything she just stood there, trying to process the ADA's rather shocking confession. After realizing that her silence wasn't exactly reassuring Olivia managed to form a coherent sentence, "she's pretty."

Alex was floored, "That's it, I tell you I had a girl friend and all you have to say is she's pretty. You aren't mad or disgusted or even remotely shocked?"

"Alex I…."

"No, its fine let's just eat before the food gets cold."

For about twenty minutes, neither one of them said anything than finally Olivia couldn't take it anymore, "Did you really expect me to get mad at you for having a girl friend. Come on Alex give me a little credit here, I'm more open minded than you seem to think. Plus you're my best friend, I don't care who you date, I just care if you're happy."

"I'm sorry I blew up at you, I just…not that many people know about Amanda and the few that do, well you could say they were less than enthused." Alex looked like she was about to cry so Olivia tried to at least make her smile, "so does this make you a lesbian now or what?" Although rather crude, this outburst did make Alex smile.

"Liv can I tell you something?"

"Seems kind of pointless to start keeping secrets from me now. Shoot."

"I've known I was gay since I was 13 years old and I had a crush on my teacher. I didn't tell anyone because it's like I said everyone else who knows has freaked out about it in some way or another. Liv you gotta promise me that you're not going to tell people at work because the last thing I need is more drama at work"

"Calm down Alex, I'm not going to tell anyone, but if you do ever tell them, they aren't gonna care. But out of curiosity, who have you told? You keep saying that they took it badly."

"Serena knows, but she just uses it as an excuse to flirt shamelessly with me. A few of my college friends know and they stopped talking to me. And my…my mother knows."

Olivia dropped the fork that was in hand, "you told your mother?"

"I'm just as shocked as you are that I did. It's not like I planned on telling her; one weekend she decided to come visit me at school and she walked into my room without knocking and caught us in bed together. In retrospect I really should have locked the door."

"Told you, unlocked doors always lead to trouble. What did your mom do?"

Alex picked up the dishes and put them in the sink, "She stood there for a minute, I guess she was in shock and then she turned around and walked right out the door. She didn't talk to me for about 6 months and when she finally called she told that she had the perfect man to set me up with. Needless to say we don't talk that much anymore. Enough about my homophobic mother, which movie do you want to watch, Legally Blonde or Dodgeball?"

"Legally Blonde, I have a thing for hot blonde lawyers." And with that Olivia sat down on the couch with her wine, leaving Alex to figure out what she meant by "a thing". After the movie was over another bottle of wine was opened and the two women kept talking until the clock in the den started to chime. Olivia looked at her watched and was shocked at how late it was, "I can't believe its midnight already, I should leave and let you get some sleep." As she stood up she tried to get her balance, but the four glasses of wine she had had other plans.

"Liv there is no way you can drive home, not after the amount we've had to drink. I've got a spare bedroom you can sleep in; I'll go get you some clean sheets."

"Alex its fine I can just call a cab."

"Liv, it's fine besides I'll need someone to protect me if I leave the front door unlocked again."

The ADA's subtle flirting was not lost on Olivia, but she knew that now was not the time to open up about her feelings for Alex.

Alex finished making the spare bed and walked into her bedroom, but not before stopping in the doorway. "Ok so there are extra blankets in the closet and towels are in the bathroom cabinet and help yourself to whatever is in the kitchen. Do you need anything before I turn in?"

"Nope, I think I'm good, thanks Alex, goodnight."

"Night Liv."

Alex fell asleep the minute her head hit the pillow and soon her dreams filled her head with images of her favorite detective and the life that they could have together. These wonderful dreams were soon interrupted by a frightened voice crying out in the middle of the night. Still half asleep Alex sat up in bed and looked at the clock, it was 3am. Alex got up out of bed and followed the noise to the guest bedroom and there she saw something that absolutely shocked her. She opened the door to find Olivia in bed throwing her arms around, kicking and screaming "please don't, don't hurt me, please stop, please".

Alex knew better than to lay her hands on the distraught detective, but she had to try to calm her, down, "Liv, Liv you have to wake up ok…Liv its Alex, you're in my apartment ok your safe here, but you need to wake up. Liv, Liv come on, come back to me, it's ok."

Finally after a few more minutes of phantom fighting Liv sat up in the bed drenched in a cold sweat and starring back at her was the concerned and tear filled eyes of Alex Cabot. Olivia couldn't speak and she felt embarrassed that Alex had seen her like that, seen her be that weak and scared, all she could do was fall back into the bed sobbing.

Alex carefully walked over to the bed and sat down on the other side of Olivia and started to rub her back trying to soothe her and calm her down. "Liv, its ok you're safe here with me, no one is going to hurt you." Alex continued to rub Olivia back until the sobbing had diminished into tearful hiccups. Want to spare Olivia's pride, Alex got up to leave, wanting to give her the chance to fall back asleep, but as she reached the door something stopped her and that something was Olivia's voice.

"Alex?"

"Yeah, Liv."

"Stay with me...I can't close my eyes or the nightmares will start again and he'll be there."

Hearing the terror in Olivia's voice brought more tears to Alex's eyes and she made her way over to the bed, "I will stay here for as long as you want ok. I'm going hold onto you until you fall asleep ok, I'm right here." Alex climbed into bed and gently put her hand on Olivia's back and slowly moved her arm around the detective's waist pulling her closer to her own body. After about 15min the crying completely stopped and Alex knew that Olivia had finally fallen back asleep leaving Alex to figure out what had just happened.

_I've never seen her that freaked out before; she was fighting someone off in her sleep. I don't think I've ever seen her cry like that, it wasn't sadness, it was fear. What the hell happened to her while I was gone? And you who is this "he" she mentioned and what the hell did he do to her?_


	4. Lunch Full of Questions

Alex woke up to the beeping of her alarm clock and soon realized it was coming from the next room. She had forgotten that she had slept in the guest room with Olivia. When Alex sat up and grabbed her glasses she looked around and found that her favorite detective was nowhere to be seen. Alex quickly rushed into her room and shut off her alarm and next to the alarm clock was a note

_Alex,_

_I'm sorry about last night, thanks for letting me crash here._

_Liv_

Alex got dressed and headed to work, she wanted to talk to Olivia, but she had to be in court for most of the day. She figured she would call her later and make plans to get together. After two arraignments and opening statements for another case Alex found herself with some free time and when she had no luck reaching Olivia on her phone she decided to go to the station and see if she could find her there. Upon her arrival, she noticed that Olivia was nowhere to be seen and before she could turn to leave a familiar voice stopped her.

"Alex, what can I do you for, did someone call you down here for a warrant?

"No Elliot, actually I was looking for Liv, any idea where she is?"

"She and Fin went out on a call about 15 min ago, have you tried her cell?"

Alex nodded, "I call four times and no answer, I think she's avoiding me."

Looking rather confused Elliot asked, "now why would she do a thing like that?"

"Well she, she…I really don't wanna talk about it here, you got time to go grab lunch?"

"If you're paying I'm in." Elliot grabbed his jacket and followed Alex out of the building.

Once they got to the diner, both Alex and Elliot ordered and were finally left alone to discuss Alex's problem. "Ok so why do you think she is avoiding you, you two have a fight or something?"

"That's just it nothing happened like that, she came over for dinner last night and she stayed the night in my guest room and in the middle of the night she started screaming in her sleep. So I went-" She was quickly cut off when Elliot interjected.

"Wait, she started screaming in her sleep, she did the same thing the other day when she was sleeping in the crib…When I woke her up she grabbed for her gun, but I got to it first. Any idea what's causing the nightmares?"

"I was hoping you could tell me that. She kept on pleading with some to not hurt her, to stop, like she was being attacked. I just talked to her until she woke up and then I stayed in the bed with her till she fell back asleep. I just don't know how to help her and she is so damn stubborn that she won't reach out and ask for help. I think that maybe she's avoiding me because she feels ashamed that someone saw her being afraid and in her mind she thinks that I think she's weak because of it."

"Well, you know Liv even if she was afraid she wouldn't show it if she could help it. Did she say anything else to you about the dream?"

"She asked me to stay with her so 'he' wouldn't come back. I have no idea who this 'he' is, but he's got Liv scared out of her mind."

As Alex talked she realized Elliot facial expression change and his eyes got wider until something finally clicked, "oh my God, the basement."

"What are you talking about, what basement?"

"She did an undercover bit at Sealview, trying to nail some CO's that were raping the inmates. When she came back she wouldn't talk about it, not to me, not to anyone, but that's when she started to stay all night at the station and sleep in the crib, that's when the nightmares started. Alex you gotta find out what happened to her in that basement."

"Why me, you're her partner and you know more about this then I do. I still don't know what the hell you're talking about."

"Alex she trusts you, you're her best friend, she won't tell me because she has too many walls up to protect herself, but she let you in, even though she didn't tell you much, she trusted you enough to let down at least one wall. Something happened in that basement that changed her and for her sake you've got to make her talk to you about it before it eats her alive….I gotta go, I'm due in court in 20min."

"Elliot how am I supposed to get her to talk to me about something I know nothing about?"

"Alex, please, just bring up the undercover stuff and let her tell you when she is ready."

After they left the diner Alex had more questions than answers and she still didn't know what was haunting Olivia, but she was willing to try to find out. Her cell phone started to ring and when the name OLIVIA flashed in neon lights she was more than happy to take the call.


	5. Letting People Love You

**This chapter was ridiculously hard to write so go easy on me. I threw in a little bit of flirting because I wanted to keep the flow going. The next few chapter will focus a little bit more on the relationship between Alex and Liv, but Liv will still be dealing with her PTSD from time to time, but I want to this story to be about love and healing, so that is where its headed. Enjoy.**

Alex made plans with Olivia to meet up at her apartment the next day, that night he had to figure out what she could about what had happened to Olivia in her absence. After calling in a favor Alex got the file for the Sealview case and the more she read, the more upset she became; she now knew why Olivia was still being haunted by nightmares. The file told her what she needed to know and she wondered why Elliot never looked at it in an effort to help his partner, but whatever the reason, armed with the information she went home and tried to figure out a way to make Olivia talk about what happened.

Both Alex and Olivia spent the next day acting like nothing out of the ordinary had happened; Alex spent her day in court and got a warrant for Olivia and Elliot, Olivia spent her day serving the warrant and working at the hospital with a victim. Olivia didn't know what to expect to happen at Alex's later that night, part of her hoped she wouldn't bring up the nightmare, but the other part of her knew that it was probably the reason for the invitation to dinner. Alex figured out a plan to talk to Olivia, she just hoped that it wouldn't back fire and result in Liv pushing her away.

Alex had been home for an hour and was reading case documents on the couch when the buzzer went off. She walked over to the intercom and knowing who it was buzzed Olivia in. She went into the kitchen to open a bottle of wine and by the time she had retrieved the wine and two glasses her front door opened and Olivia walked into to her apartment. "What did I say about unlocked doors? One day you're going to get robbed or worse and then you will wish you listened to my sound advice."

Alex handed the detective a glass of wine, "Well, maybe you'll just have to come around more often and make sure I'm safe."

"Well, I suppose I could make time in my busy social schedule to come by and protect you, it is in my job description after all." Olivia soon joined Alex in the kitchen wanting to help her prepare dinner even though she wasn't exactly what you would consider a good cook. Alex laughed as Olivia showed some hardship even chopping vegetables and in an effort to help Alex positions herself behind Olivia and wrapped her arms around her, her hands resting on top of Olivia's. She guided Olivia's hands, helping her cut the vegetables and the fact that she had her arms Olivia for whatever reason made her happy. They finished making dinner and spent the length of the meal talking about everything but work. The two women ended up in the living room and while Alex was enjoying herself she knew that she had to talk to Olivia about the dream and the sooner the better.

As Olivia poured herself another glass of wine Alex took advantage of the lull in the conversation, "Liv, do you trust me?"

Slightly taken aback by the question Olivia smiled, "with my life."

"Then can we talk about what happened last night?"

Olivia froze hoping that her silence would be enough to make the ADA change the subject. "I don't know what you mean."

"Come on Liv don't play dumb with me, I was there remember, I saw how freaked you were. You said you trust me, tell me what happened and I bet you I can help or at the very least you will feel better."

By this time Olivia had settled on the couch and was starring into her wine, "Alex it was a bad dream, people have bad dreams all the time."

"Liv you and I both know that what happened last night was a hell of a lot more than a bad dream, you were fighting someone in your sleep and you asked me to stay in bed with you so the 'he' wouldn't come back to hurt you. Liv, please you have to talk to me about this."

Olivia's face got red, a mix of anger, fear and shame, "I don't have to talk to you anything." And with that Olivia got up and started walking toward the door grabbing her jacket of the chair as she went. Alex quickly got up from the couch and just as Olivia opened the front door Alex was behind her and reaching around Olivia she shut the door, "Liv, look at me…Liv I'm not letting you go until you turn around and talk to me."

As she turned around, tears running down her face, Liv couldn't look Alex in the eye, "I'm a cop, I'm supposed to be strong, but he got to me and I couldn't stop him." As she spoke those words Olivia slowly slid down the door, landing on the hardwood floor, pulling her legs close to her and started to sob. Alex knelt down in front of Olivia, starting to cry herself, fearing the worst had happened to her friend. When Olivia's tears showed no sign of stopping, Alex moved so that she was sitting next to Olivia and she then proceeded to wrap her arms around her distraught friend. Olivia pulled away from Alex's touch initially, Alex refused to be pushed away and simply held onto her tighter, until eventually Olivia turned into Alex and allowed her to comfort her. For about 15 minutes the two women stayed cuddled together on the floor until Olivia's sobbing had softened into hiccupping tears. Alex didn't want to bother Olivia any more, but she had to get her up off that floor. "Liv, how about I go make us some tea and we can sit on the couch."

Olivia nodded and moving slowly she got her leg underneath her and stood up, wrapping her arms around herself and walking over to the couch. A few minutes later, Alex returned to the living room with two mugs of tea, setting each of them down on the table she sat down on the couch next to Olivia and in an effort to calm her down started rubbing her back. She knew she would talk when she was ready to, she just had to let her cry before they explored why she was crying.

"Alex?"

"Yeah Liv?"

"I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier, I just couldn't breathe."

"Liv its ok, I was pushing you pretty hard, but it isn't because I want to hurt you, I want you to tell me what's going on so I can help you. When you're ready to talk to me can you tell me what the nightmare was about? "

"You'll think it's stupid and that I'm weak for being scared."

Alex cupped Olivia's check and wiping away her tears said, "I would never think anything like that. Liv you are one of the strongest women I know, nothing could ever make me think you're anything less than amazing."

"Promise?"

"I'd promise you the moon if you make you feel better, but yes I promise."

"Ok, a few months ago I did an undercover stint at Sealview, Fin went in with me as a CO." Olivia continued explaining what happened leading up to basement, even now and then she would stop and sip her tea, trying to keep herself calm. "He told me that we were going to the hold, but when we started walking he led me away from the hold. I shouldn't have gone with him I should have started fighting then and maybe then he wouldn't have…"

"Wouldn't have what Liv?"

Olivia didn't answer Alex's question she just continued, "We got to the basement and I saw the mattress and…and I knew what was going to happen and I started yelling and screaming, but he threw me down on the mattress. I fought him off and ran and hid, trying to control my breathing, but I could hear him, he was….he was dragging his nightstick along the fence and I could hear him get closer. And when he found me I remember hitting him and running to the other side of the basement and I started banging on the door screaming for help but no one came. He ran over to me and he hit me across the face and I slid down the door. Then he grabbed one of my hands and handcuffed me to the bars of the door. I kept screaming and screaming, but I knew no one could hear me….I just, I didn't want to die down there and I knew that I would if no one found me." By now Olivia was trying to talk through tears and Alex was trying hard not to let Olivia see that she too was crying.

"Liv, it's ok just take your time. I'm not going anywhere, ok, I'm right here."

"He took off his belt and he unzipped his pants…damn it Alex he was so close to my face and I…I couldn't stop him." At that Olivia lost all control over her emotions and just curled up on a ball on the couch. Alex pulled her close to her and rocked her gently, taking the opportunity to cry herself. She still didn't know if Olivia had been raped or not, but she wasn't going to push the topic now. After a while of the two women crying, Alex pulled back and wiped the tears from her eyes and Olivia's and tried to establish eye contact.

"Liv, Liv look at me please, you fought back, you weren't weak. Fighting back probably saved your life, ok. It wasn't your fault Liv, you couldn't have stopped what happened. Liv, come on Liv I mean it look at me, please." Slowly the detective lifted her head to meet the ADA's gaze. "Liv I need you to answer me honestly ok, did he….did he rape you?"

In a shaky and almost in audible voice Olivia answered, "No, but he would have if Fin hadn't come in when he did."

Alex laid back on the couch, bring Olivia with her and with Olivia on top of her the two women continued to cry until finally the tears stopped. "Alex?"

"Yeah Liv?"

"I'm sorry."

Alex say up shocked from the apology, "what on earth do you have to be sorry for?"

"You shouldn't have to deal with this, no one should. That's why I didn't tell Elliot and that's why I didn't let anyone read the report, no one should have to live with that image in their minds."

"Your living with it. You don't have to shoulder this all by yourself Liv, there are people in your life that love you more than anything and the last thing they want is to see you hurting. You never have to apologize for letting people love you, ok?"

Olivia nodded; she knew Alex was right; the squad had quickly become her family in the years that she had been there. She didn't know how, but she knew she had to let the people who loved her into her life and help her get through her troubles.

Alex continued to rub her back and talk to her softly and after a few more tears, both women had seemed to calm down.

Olivia got up from the couch and headed toward the bedroom, "I think I'm going to shower and then go to bed ok."

"Thanks fine, are you ok?"

"I'll be fine I'm just tired and I have a headache from crying so much. I'll be out in 10."

"Take your time."

Roughly half an hour later Olivia came out of her shower and was met with the image of Alex sit in her bed reading case files.

"I think I'm going to hit the hay. Thank you for, well everything I guess, goodnight."

"Not so fast detective, forget the guest bedroom, you are sleeping in here tonight."

"With you?"

"Unless you have a special request, otherwise yes in this bed with me."

"Alex you don't have to do this I'm fine, really."

"Has anyone ever told you you're a crap liar? Come on this way I'm right here if you need me. This is more for my benefit rather than yours."

Olivia smiled as she climbed into bed next to Alex. She was thankful that Alex had tried to make her feel less guilty and much to her surprise it was working. Alex turned off the light and moved over wrapping her arms around Olivia's waist pulling her close to her own body.

"Alex?"

"Yes?"

"You don't think I'm nuts do you?"

"Liv the last thing I think of you as is nuts. I'm proud of you Liv."

"Why on earth would you be proud of me?

"You're kidding, right. Olivia, you went undercover and got assaulted, but you fought back. You put a rapist behind bars. And tonight you opened up to me and let me in. So, yeah I'm proud of you Liv." And with that Alex kissed Olivia forehead and settled into the pillow, "Now, you may have the day off tomorrow, but some of us have court with a judge who doesn't really like us."

"Well, if you stopped causing such a scene in her courtroom maybe Petrovsky wouldn't pick on you so much."

"Please, she's just made because I flirted with her once and at office Christmas party."

"You flirted with Petrovsky?"

"I was drunk off my ass and besides, once you get past her age she is decently hot."

Shocked and feeling a little possessive, Oliva grabbed Alex hands and wrapped them around her tighter, "Well, she can't have you because I want you all to myself."

"As you wish detective, as you wish."

"Goodnight Alex."

"Night Liv." When she was sure Olivia was asleep, Alex whispered, "I love you Liv" before she fell asleep.

"I love you too Alex."

**Maybe a little out of character, but like I said hard chapter to write. Review for more. And to answer one of the questions I got, yes I do plan on throwing Serena into this story at some point.**


	6. Translation Please?

**So Serena makes a brief appearance in this chapter and she will come up again later. Sorry I don't speak French so whatever French words in this chapter I got from a translator. Kind of a short chapter but I think a necessary one. Once again I don't own, happy reading.**

Expecting to hear the buzzing of the alarm Olivia was rather surprised to turn over and see the clock on the night stand read 11am. As she made her way into the kitchen she saw a note taped to the front door. A smile spread across Olivia's face as she read the note.

_Liv_

_I was going to wake you up, but you looked so peaceful sleeping, plus I kind of liked watching you sleep. I'll call after court._

_-Alex_

Even though it was her day off, Olivia still had a million things to do, so after putting the note that Alex had left in her back pocket she got dressed and left the apartment, making sure to lock the door. On her way back to her own apartment Olivia stopped off at the florist three blocks from her apartment in the hopes of getting an arrangement to thank Alex for her hospitality.

After a rather stressful morning in court, Alex returned to her office hoping that she would have time to get lunch before she was due back in court. As she rounded the corner to her office her assistant stopped her to give her messages, "Here are your phone messages, nothing dire, your mother called asked that you call her back", Alex rolled her eyes at the mention of her mother, "there is a few work related messages that I patched through to your voicemail, here are the case docs for the Henderson case and you got a package delivery about a hour ago. Someone must think very highly of you Alexandra." Completely confused by what the woman meant, Alex walked into her office and when she finally looked up and say a stunning bouquet of two dozen long stem pink roses accented with a dozen yellow tulips. Once Alex caught her breath she walked over to the beautiful arrangement and eventually found the card nestled in the center. She picked up the card and the envelope read, 'I hope someone in your office speaks French.' Alex proceeded to open the envelope and soon realized she was going to need help figuring out what the note said in English

_Je toujours serai là de vous protéger des dangers de portes ouvertes.._ _Par le conseiller de façon, vous devriez savoir, vous parlez dans votre sommeil._

_Aimer toujours,_

_Liv_

As she was trying to read the card for the third time, trying desperately to remember her three years of French class from high school, Alex was interrupted by a knock at her door.

"Enter"

"Jesus Christ Alex it's just me you can drop the formal greeting."

"Sorry Serena, I was trying to figure out this….." before she could finish her sentence, Alex was interrupted by Serna shrieking and running over to the flowers.

"Damn Alex, who sent you these and more importantly what did you do to earn them? Does someone have a secret admirer? Wait don't tell me the fierce Alexandra Cabot has gotten herself a _girlfriend._" Barely whispering the last word Serena got up and closed the door, hoping that privacy would coax her best friend to spill who sent the flowers.

"You think you're so smart, no their not from a girlfriend, their just from a friend, who happens to be a woman and who apparently knows French."

"What are you talking about?"

"The card is written entirely in French…hey you took French in college didn't you, you thought the professor who taught it was hot."

Serena's checks got slightly flushed, but she couldn't wipe the smug smile she had off her face, "Well it's not like I didn't earn that A and don't pretend that the professor wasn't smoking hot, she wore miniskirts on Fridays. Whatever, to answer your question yes I did take French so hand over the card."

Jerking her hand just out of Serena's reach Alex used her other arm to keep her friend at a distance, "if I show you this card you have to promise me that you won't give me a hard time about who it's from or what it says."

"Well that just cruel, what else am I supposed to do. My brilliance come at a price Cabot, what's in it for me?"

"The satisfaction of helping your best friend."

"And?"

"Lunch is on me ok, just please tell me what it says."

Alex handed the card to Serena and after reading through that smug grin crept back onto her face and she started to laugh.

"What is so funny? What does it say?"

"I will always be there to protect you from the dangers of unlocked doors. By the way councilor, you should know, you talk in your sleep. Love always, Liv."

Alex's face was flushed and red and she soon realized what Olivia meant when she said that she talks in her sleep. _ Did she hear me tell her that I love her?_

"So, Alex what gives, you really expect me to believe that these flowers are just to say thank you, the card said that you talk in your sleep, which you do, but only someone who was sleeping with you could know that. And am I to assume that 'Liv' is the same badass SVU detective Olivia Benson that your have been pinning for ever since you saw her."

"Serena, get your mind out of the gutter, yes they are from Olivia, but it isn't what you think. She's been having a really hard time with things and she came over to my apartment to talk about them and things got intense so I told her to stay the night and she slept in my bed, end of story."

"Funny, if I remember you have a perfectly comfortable guest room that she could have slept in. But then of course being in two beds does make sex more difficult…ouch, did you just throw your shoe at me."

"Yes and I have another one here so cool it, nothing happened, she was scared and so I held her and we fell asleep. I'm sure the flowers are just to say thank you for letting her crash at my place."

"Fine you believe whatever you want, but I will tell you this much. I don't know what you said last night in your sleep, but something tells me that she feels the same way about you."

"What makes you say that/"

"The flowers Alex. I mean sure they are beautiful, but all flowers mean something different."

"Oh really, well please enlighten me, what do pink roses and yellow tulips mean?"

"Don't get smart, knowing what flowers mean is important, it makes it easier to flirt with women, the right kind of flower with the right kind of message is the key to any woman heart and it appears Detective Benson has found your "key". Anyway, pink roses mean friendship and yel…."

"See friendship, perfectly innocent. Let's go get lunch."

"Hold your horses, princess, I'm not done. Yes, pink roses mean friendship, but yellow tulips mean hopelessly in love."

Alex couldn't believe it. _Maybe Liv doesn't know what the flowers mean, but weather she does or not, they mean something to me._

**I'm open to some suggestions on where to take this next because before I have them being in love and dating and all that great stuff I need to build them up. So ideas for the next chapter would be great. My idea would be to have them go out, talk about things and maybe they run into and old girlfriend….of Olivia's! Let me know what you think….and as a side note I really did look up what those flowers mean so hope it helps.**


	7. None Of Them Were You

Even though it was her day off Olivia still called into the office to help with an interrogation and was then forced to sit at her desk and at least make the pile of papers on her desk smaller. She was about half way through her paperwork when her cell phone started to ring.

"Benson."

"Have you ever considered answering the phone in a more informal way, like starting with hello?"

"Sorry Alex, force of habit, besides you answer your phone the same way."

"Point taken, besides that not why I called, the flowers you sent, seriously Liv they are beyond beautiful and now everyone in my office wants to know who the mystery man in my life is. I didn't even know you knew French, I finally had to ask Serena to tell me what the note said in English."

"Well I'm glad you like them, I just wanted to thank you for letting me crash at your place and for well, everything else, I know I can be a pain to put up with so I figured 3 dozen flowers would be an nice way to thank you."

"You didn't have to do that, but now I am indebted to you because of the flowers, so I'm taking you out to dinner, your choice, my treat."

"Alex you don't have to do that, they were a gift."

"Yeah, a gift from the nicest flower shop in New York, Liv roses are not cheap and besides my upbringing dictates that flowers equals dinner, so no arguing, I assume that you at work even though its 7pm and your day off."

"Are you psychic councilor?"

"Nope I'm looking at you, leather jackets suit you."

Olivia almost dropped her phone when she turned around and there stood Alex.

"Ok that just creepy."

"I'm not creepy I am cunning. So what do you say I rescue you from that pile of paperwork and take you out for a real dinner?"

"I don't know Alex I want to get this done before tomorrow and Elliot is still in the interrogation room and I shouldn't leave him to deal with that all by himself."

Alex got so close to Olivia their noses were almost touching. "Liv, Elliot is a big boy I think he can handle one interview without you there to protect him." As she said that, Elliot walked into the pit, "what can I handle without Liv?"

"I have been trying without success to convince your partner to come get dinner with me, but she insists that you need her here."

"Liv go I got this guy handled, plus as soon as he is booked I'm going home, so go have fun, eat some really food for a change."

"There see it's settled, now come on I made reservations for us at my favorite restaurant and I'm starving."

"I'm not going to win this fight am I?"

"Nope, come on we can take my car and I can drop you off at your place afterward."

"Fine councilor, but I'm not a cheap date."

_As they walked toward the elevators Alex couldn't stop thinking, was this a date, did Liv think it was a date._

As they made their way into the restaurant it became clear that Alex was a regular and valued patron.

"Ms. Cabot, your usual table is ready and there is a bottle of chilled champagne waiting for you and your guest at the table."

"Thank you, Peter."

"Jesus Christ Alex, eating here must cost a small fortune."

"Well then it's a good thing I'm paying then isn't it. Relax Liv, my family has been coming here since before I was born, the people who work here are like family. Just relax and enjoy yourself."

The two women ordered and made small talk until the first course came and by that time desert came around both of them had had enough of the awkward conversation.

"So are you going to bring it up or should I?" Alex was the first to speak.

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb Liv it doesn't suit you. You know what I mean. For the last few days, it's been different between you and me, not bad different, but different all the same."

"I guess I've felt it too, it's just when you came back everything changed, or I guess more to the point everything went back to the way it was before you got shot."

"Well, that may be, but I'm pretty sure we never flirted before I was shot." Olivia blushed at the mention of their flirting.

"I don't know what you want me to say here Alex."

"I want you to tell me what you're thinking, honestly."

"Honestly Alex, I've never felt like this about someone before, I mean sure I've dated some really nice women, but there was always one problem with them, they…"

Alex quickly cut off Olivia, "Hold it, did you just say what I think you said. You've dated women?"

Once again Liv's face turned a funny shade of red, "Since I was 20. Now are you going to let me finish what I was saying before I lose my nerve?"

"Sorry, just a little surprised, continue, you were saying there was one problem with every woman you dated, what was it?"

"None of them were you….Look Alex I always felt different around you, even before you got shot, before WPP, being around you made me happy. I tried for a long time to tell myself that I didn't have feelings from you, but you're kind of hard to resist councilor."

Alex smiled and blushed, "So you do have feelings for me, like romantic feelings?"

"Always have, I just thought in the back of my mind that I didn't stand a chance with you, everyone thought you were straight."

"So now that you know that I'm not, where does that leaves us?"

"Well, I'm the one spilling my guts about my feelings Alex, care to throw in your two cents?"

"You're kidding right, Olivia the first time I met you my heart skipped a beat and I couldn't breathe, I had known you for all of three seconds I already wanted to be around you all the time. I figured if I couldn't have you in my life as a girlfriend, having you as a best friend would be better than nothing, I guess I didn't think it would hurt so much."

"So what do we do now, sit and talk about our feelings more or do we do something about it?"

"Do you want to do something about it?"

"No, Yes, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do here Alex, I'm at a loss for words."

"Well, well, Olivia Benson at a loss for words….let me help you with that." Alex took Olivia' hand in her own, "I'm going to ask you out on a date and you're going to say yes."

"Is that so?"

"Yep and then about half way through that date you're going to realize that you are falling madly in love with me and then you are going to ask me out on date."

"You seem very sure of yourself councilor."

"When you're good, you're good. Come on lets go, I got court at nine and you my dear need your rest to keep New York safe from well everything."

As they were walking to the car, Olivia grabbed hold of Alex's hand and kept walking.

"Someone is getting fresh."

"Not fresh councilor, just confident."

When they pulled up to Olivia's apartment, Alex insisted that she walk the detective up to her door. Olivia unlocked her door and stood in the doorway, not knowing quite what to say.

"Alex, was this, tonight, was this a date?"

"Do you want it be a date?"

"You're such a lawyer, answer the question."

"If it's up to me I say yes, but I'd like a second opinion."

"I want it to be a date…I mean if that's ok…god damn it Alex I look at you and I can't speak…I want…"

Olivia's babbling was quickly cut off when Alex's lips found her own. The kiss was soft and warm and perfect. Alex pulled away leaving Olivia in a certain state of shock.

"I thought ladies weren't supposed to kiss on the first date."

"My dear detective, whatever gave you the idea that I was concerned with being ladylike and besides this isn't our first date…" And before Olivia could say something, Alex brought their lips crashing together again, only this time the kiss was not so chaste, it was a hungry, passionate kiss that left both women a little breathless.

"…you spent two nights in my apartment, talking, crying, and drinking and at the end of last night you slept in my bed, we are at least up to date number two."

Alex fixed her glasses and jacket, gave Olivia brief kiss and headed toward the elevators and as the doors closed, hell bent on having the last word Alex shouted down the hall, "Remember to lock your door detective."


	8. Third Date

**I clearly don't own SVU, but oh if I did it would be amazing. Sorry the new chapter took so long, work has been insane and life has been nonstop busy and this chapter was super hard to write. I think for the next one I might fast forward a little in time for the sake of the story line. The story Alex tells here is a slight knock off of what happened when I came out to my mother, but mine didn't go this well, so I figured I will live vicariously through theses fictional characters. Hope you enjoy, happy reading.**

True to her word, Alex did ask Olivia out on a third date and Olivia couldn't say yes fast enough. Alex thought about what they should do, were should they eat, this date had to be perfect. After much deliberation Alex finally decided that she was going to need a little help setting up the perfect date. After a few phone calls and a quick trip to the market Alex had everything she needed for their date, that except for the other person.

Upon returning to the precinct after interviewing a victim, Olivia found a single red rose sitting on her desk with a note attached

_I may not know a fancy language to woo, but I do know how to cook. I'll see you at my place at 7:00._

_-Alex_

Olivia couldn't help but smile as she read the note and that smile didn't go unnoticed by her partner. "What's his name and when do I get to meet him."

Olivia glared at her partner and he flashed her a wide grin, "I'm not gonna tell you because you'll go all big brother on me and threaten them and then it's gonna be real awkward between you and me. Besides I want to keep them to myself for awhile."

"Fine, I'm sure I can find out who it is on my own and here is someone who can help me, Alex, you know anything about this new guy Liv's dating," without even turning around Olivia turned beat red.

"I didn't know that Olivia was seeing anyone, is it anyone we know Liv?" With a coy smile Alex sat on the corner of Olivia's desk and waited for the detective to find her voice.

"I told Elliot the same thing I'm gonna tell you, I do not kiss and tell."

"Give up Alex, she's not gonna tell us anything." Elliot's phone rang and the conversation ended there.

Alex stood up leaned over Olivia and whispered in her ear, "So when do I get to meet this new flame of yours."

"Well I'm going over to her apartment tonight."

"Her…hum, this her wouldn't happen to be tall, blonde, beautiful with blue eyes."

""You forgot modest and unless this blonde bombshell gets out of here now, it wouldn't be an issue of kissing and telling, it will be more like a peep show. No go, I'll see you at 7."

If Alex had smiled any bigger she would have broken her cheek bones.

Olivia stepped off the elevator and before she knocked on the door of Alex's apartment she nervously fixed her jacket and ran her hand through her hair. She knocked on the door and waited nervously for Alex to answer. Olivia could hear footsteps approaching the door and all of a sudden they stopped. "Who is it?"

"Who do you think it is Alex, let me in?

"I don't know my girlfriend told me not to leave my door unprotected and I would hate to make her angry."

_Did she say girlfriend?_ "Well, your girlfriend is getting angry waiting in the hallway for you to open the door."

Not wanting to make her wait anymore, Alex opened the door with a huge smile on her face, "so you're my girlfriend now?"

"I'm seriously considering it, but I'm still on the fence, you're going to have to convince me, but don't worry you have all night." Olivia stepped in to the apartment, handing Alex the bottle of wine she had tucked underneath her arm.

"Well, I better get started then, dinner will be ready in 10 minutes so you can pour yourself some wine and relax."

"Thanks, hey listen I'm sorry that Elliot was being an ass earlier, he just gets really protective when I'm dating someone new, or dating someone at all. He and the rest of the guys think that they are my brothers and the think that they need to protect me from all the bad men that New York has to offer."

"So am I to assume they don't know that it is the women of New York that pose the more real threat?"

"I know it seems like a chicken shit answer, but it just never seems to be the right time. I haven't dated anyone long term that I wanted them to meet so there was no real reason to tell them, but if you keep sending me notes and make me smile to the point that my face hurts then I don't think I can keep you a secret for very long." Olivia slid her arm around Alex's waist as she finished talking, resting her head on her shoulder.

"Well, for the time being I kind of like being your dirty little secret, you can tell them when you know the timing is right and speaking of timing dinner is ready."

Dinner conversation was filled with various topics, mostly things that had nothing to do with work, they wanted to leave work at work and enjoy that time together. After they finished eating they tossed their plates in the sink and made their way into the living room.

Alex popped into her room and returned a minute later with a bag in hand.

"What's this?"

"Well, you could open it and find out."

Olivia opened the bag and soon a rather perplexed look came across her face, "you bought me a bikini, aren't you pushing things Alex."

"Hear me out, I have a Jacuzzi on the balcony that I never get to use because I am always working and I figured it would a nice way to spend time together and an excellent excuse to get you in a bikini."

"You're pretty sure of yourself aren't you, fine but only because I have had the day from hell and a hot tub soak sounds wonderful." With that Olivia disappeared into the bedroom and emerged a few minutes later in the bikini, but much to Alex's dismay she was wearing a t-shirt over it.

"You're kidding me right, what are we 12, lose the shirt, no one else is here, but me and you." Alex pulled Olivia to her and wrapped her arms around her resting her hands at the hem of her shirt, "this shirt is not gonna fly babe, besides if I'm brave enough to wear a bikini, you should be too."

"You torso isn't covered in scars and your about a million years younger than me with a body that people would kill for."

"First of all, nine years is hardly a million, second," before she finished her sentence Alex lifted off the t-shirt Liv was wearing, "I think scars are incredibly sexy and plus, I'm rockin' a GSW scar so no worries here." She realized just how many scars Olivia had on her body and instead of asking about them, she decided to table that topic for another night, tonight was for romance.

"Fine you win."

"Of course I win, now come on I have something I want to show you."

Alex put her hands over Olivia's eyes and slowly guided her to the balcony and got her positioned in the hot tub, "now when I say so open your eyes ok."

"Ok."

"One, two, three, open." And when Olivia did open her eyes what she say took her breath away; the lights of the city could be seen perfectly from the hot tub and looking around the balcony she saw the bottle of wine and better still she say Alex get into the hot tub herself.

When she could finally speak Olivia turned to Alex, "Beautiful."

"I know isn't it, I love coming out here, even when its freezing in the winter, the view just takes my breath away."

Olivia smiled, "No I mean you're beautiful, don't get me wrong Alex this view is amazing, but the only thing on this balcony that has taken my breath away is you."

Alex didn't know what to say and it ended up working out because she was so touched that she couldn't speak, she just blushed and moved a little closer to where Olivia was sitting. "So what do we do now?"

Olivia was caught slightly off guard by the question, "Well, seeing as how this is our third date, we should probably get to know each other."

"Liv, we've known each other for years."

"We've known each other as friends, plus there are still things that we don't know about each other, everyone has their secrets."

"Really, secret huh, fine open question time, we can sit here and ask each other any question that we want, deal?"

"Deal, but are we asking grade school level questions like what your favorite ice cream flavor, or the high school questions like how old you were when you lost your virginity?"

"Open questions, means open questions, and to answer your questions, Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough and 17."

"17 huh, well, I got you beat there."

"Why how old were you?"

"I was 16 and he wasn't, he was one of my mother's students, he was five years older than me. When he asked me to marry him I said yes, I mean a part of me loved him, but mostly I said yes to get out of her house and away from her period. She found out and when I came home she started yelling and threatening, she was drunk and she dropped the bottle of vodka she had in her hand. She picked up one of the broken pieces of the bottle and came at me screaming 'I'll never let anyone else have you'." Olivia tried to not let Alex see the single tear that had escaped her eye, but Alex saw it and reached up to wipe it away.

"What did you do?"

"I kicked her and it stopped her and before she could come at me again I kicked her again and she fell back and eventually hit the wall and just stayed there in her drunken stupor." Alex knew things had been bad with Olivia and her mom, but she never knew they got that bad. Not knowing what to say to mend that kind of broken heart Alex simply pulled Olivia close to her so that Olivia's head was resting on Alex's chest.

"I shouldn't have told you that story, it's not exactly romantic."

"No, but it was honest and if we really want this thing we have going here to work, you're right we have to know the good, the bad and the ugly about each other. And for what it is worth, I'm really proud of you, for what you did."

"I kicked the crap out of my own mother; there is nothing in that story to be proud of."

"What I meant was look at you now; successful detective in the NYPD, you have friends that love you, you never stop fighting for justice for the victims and you have a really gentle soul. I'm proud that you survived and rose up above all that crap and became the person you are right now, because it is that person that I can't take my eyes off of." Alex kissed the top of Olivia head and the two of them sunk a little lower in the hot water.

"Alright, my turn to get some dirt from you councilor, you told me how your mom took you being gay, but what about your dad, did you ever tell him?"

The mention of her father made Alex smile at the memory that popped into her head, "I did tell him actually, when I was 18 years old. I knew when I was 14 that I liked girls, but I tried desperately to fight it, thus explaining me losing my virginity at 17 to my prom date. By the time I was a senior in high school I just couldn't take lying to him anymore so one day I came home from school and the house was empty so I looked outside and there he was just sitting in the gazebo reading the newspaper. I walked out to him and asked him if I could talk to him about something important and he looked concerned, but said that I could tell him anything…" Alex couldn't hide her tears as well as Olivia could and just thinking about the day she came out, brought up a lot of emotion. Olivia turned around and brushed away the tears and pulled Alex toward her so she was sitting in her lap.

"Alex you don't have to tell me the rest, its ok."

"No, I can do this. Anyway, I sat down across from him and said I needed to tell him something important, but I was scared about how he would react. He folded the paper into his lap and took off his glasses, he said 'Alexandra if it's important tell me, there is nothing you could ever tell me that would make me mad at you'. So I took a deep breath and said that all the dreams he had for me would never come true, at least not in the way that he had imagined. He got this confused look on his face and started to say that I didn't have to become a lawyer, but I stopped him and said that I meant getting married and having a family."

Olivia held Alex closer to her stroking her hair and rubbing her arm in an effort to soothe her and make her feel safe. "Then out of nowhere I got the guts to tell him, so I said 'daddy I still want to get married, but when I do it will be to a woman… I'm a lesbian daddy'. Then I started sobbing thinking he was gonna hate me and I just kept on begging him not to hate me, not to tell my mother, not to throw me out."

"What did he say?"

Alex's tears stopped all of a sudden and she smiled, "he put the newspaper down, rubbed his temple like he had a headache and then without saying a word he stood up walked over to me and literally pulled me out of my seat and he hugged me and he started to cry. He kissed my head and after about ten minutes of crying, he rested his chin on top of my head and while he was still holding on to me he said the most beautiful thing anyone person has ever said to me in my life. He said,_ "Alexandra, you listen to me and you listen good, parents do not hate their children, it just doesn't work like that. You're my daughter, you're my baby girl, nothing you say or do or love will ever change how much I love you. At the end of the day all I want is for you to be happy, whatever that means to you. If that means that one day I walk you down the aisle to another woman, fine, as long as I get that walk I could care less as to who is at the other end of it. If that means that you have to be creative when making a family, fine as long as I get to hold my grandchild in my arms one day. If that means the hand you hold at my funeral will be your wife's, fine, as long as someone is there to catch you when you fall."_

Both women found it impossible to hold back their tears. They were both crying for different reasons, but they found that holding on to each other calmed them down and made each of them feel safe.

"Alex, that was really sweet, I think I would have really liked you dad."

"He would have adored you Liv, mostly because you have to put up with me on a daily basis and haven't shot me yet." That small joke broke the silence and allowed the mood to lighten.

"Liv, did you ever get to tell your mom?"

"I had to tell her a few times, because with the booze she forgot a lot of the things I told her, but when she was sober she took it really well. Deep down she wanted me to be happy and I think in a way this allowed her to think that if nothing else, no man would ever hurt me or break my heart, so it was less for her to worry about. She had her moments of being a good mother, they were few and far between, but when they happened, they were really beautiful"

"I'm glad you had got some time with your mom that was good."

"Me too, me too, but speaking of time, we have been in here for two hours and while I personally could live out here, we are starting to get wrinkly and we both have work tomorrow."

Alex started to pout, "Does that mean our date is over?"

"I'm afraid so councilor so out you come." And with that Olivia reached into the hot tub and scooped Alex out and after drying her off proceeded to carry her inside.

"Do you do this for all your dates' detective or am I just special?"

"You're not _just_ anything, but you are very special to me. Besides I like being able to hold to close to me."

"If you were holding me any closer you would be inside of me." Alex realized how that had sounded a second too late and the grin on Olivia's face was priceless.

"That can be arranged councilor, but normally I tease a woman a little before I get her in bed, sexual tension makes for the hottest sex." Olivia leaned in to kiss Alex and before their lips touched Olivia pulled back slightly only making Alex want her more, she need to kiss her, to taste her. Alex grabbed the back of Olivia's neck and pulled her into a deep kiss that soon developed into a clash of tongues and lips. This intense make out session would have continued, but the clock struck midnight and both ladies knew they had to end their night here.

As Alex walked Olivia to the door she wanted an evaluation of the evening, "Ok, so tell me, honest opinion, what do you think about our third date?"

"Honestly?"

"Yes, honestly."

"Remember the other night you said that half way through our next date I would realize that I'm falling in love with you?"

"Sure."

"Well, you were wrong." Alex looked slightly heartbroken, but before she could speak Olivia finished her thought. "I realized I was falling in love with you when you opened the door with that goofy smile on your face." Olivia kissed Alex once more and was out the door before Alex could speak.

Just before she got into bed Alex's phone went off indicating a text message. _I'll call you tomorrow because I definitely want to finish what we started. And by the way you definitely convinced me to be your girlfriend. Liv. _After reading it Alex went to bed flustered, flushed and complete in love with a certain detective of the 1-6.

**I took some lines from the episode Intoxicated and that about it. Thanks for the reviews so far, keep them coming. Hope you enjoyed the new chapter.**


	9. Déjà vu

**Time jump alert! In the interest of the story line I'm skipping ahead about three months, but never fear I'll set it up properly. Hope you still like where this is going. Happy reading.**

Alex was shocked out of her very sound sleep by the blaring alarm clock and without even lifting her head or opening her eyes she swatted at the alarm clock until the sound finally stopped. While she buried herself underneath the covers trying to ignore the fact that she had to get up she soon felt the sleeping beauty next to her move around and pull the covers off over their heads.

"Liv, 5 more minutes." Alex pleaded as she searched for the blanket.

Olivia laughed at her hopelessly lazy girlfriend and decided this called for drastic measures. Olivia leaned over and gently kissed Alex's shoulder and slowly moved her way up to her collarbone and into the crook of her neck and eventually end her kisses at her lover's mouth.

"Mmhhm, no fair, your using sex to wake me up and you know good and well we won't have time to finish what we start."

"Well, miss cranky lawyer with that attitude I may not let you join me in the shower. We can kill two birds with one stone. Come on Alex up, we both are due in court in two hours."

"Slave driver."

"Oh poor baby, come Lex don't make me come back in that bed and get you out."

"Was that supposed to be a threat detective?" Just as she finished her sentence Alex found herself being lifted out of bed and brought into the bathroom. Finally giving in and realizing that she had to start to get ready, Alex stopped fighting and got into the shower with Liv and much to her dismay a heavy make out session was all they had time for as they both had to be in court today. Liv got out of the shower first and went to make coffee, leaving Alex alone with her thoughts. _I wish we didn't have to go in to work today. I just want to stay in bed and hold her and never let her go. These last few months have been incredible and scary all at the same time. I've never felt this way about anyone before. I just feel like I can be myself around her, I don't have to be strong all the time and neither does she. She still has some of her walls up and she still has some secrets, but things are getting better and better each day and each day she lets me in a little more._

"Alex, hurry up, ten minutes and then you gotta get out or we will both be late."

After being shocked back into reality Alex stepped out of the shower got dressed and soon met Olivia in the kitchen.

"I'm pretty sure we don't have time to eat, but I figured coffee would be better than nothing."

"Thanks, babe. Hey Liv can I ask you something?"

"Sure as long as you can do while walking, we have to leave now if we want to get there in time."

"Well, I uh, you see I wanted to ask you…"

"Alex you're rambling just spit it out."

"Uh, are you ready for court today?" _You moron that isn't what you wanted to ask her. Do you want to move in with me? Not a hard question, so why can't I just ask her._

"Yeah this case is pretty open and shut, but I wonder if the defendant is still pissed at me about what happened when we brought him in."

"He just has an axe to grind with you because he thinks it's your fault he is in the situation he is today. I'm sure it will be fine." They arrived at the court house with about 15 minutes to spare; Alex went and talked strategy with Liz who was sitting second chair and Liv went to sit with Elliot in the front row behind where Alex sat. The trail began, opening statements were made and about two hours into the trail, the defense put the defendant on the stand, a move that Alex found unsettling and odd, but she came armed for battle.

"Mr. Anderson, can you repeat for the jury what you told detectives Benson and Stabler the night you were arrested?"

"I didn't say nothing to those two cops, they tricked me into talking to them."

"Really, see now that's strange because I have the copy of ever word said in that interview and you seemed to have a great deal to say that night. Isn't it true mister Anderson that you admitted and laughed at the fact that you had raped and murdered Ms. Duncan? Isn't it true that you freely admitted ever horrible detail, almost flaunting what you had done?"

"I was tricked, you sent those damn cops in to frame me and they got me to say what you wanted me to say. This is your fault lady, not mine."

"Really Mr. Anderson, it's my fault that you raped and murder a college student. Interesting, because Mr. Anderson it's not my DNA that they found on the victim."

Getting more and more angry and fidgety as Alex asked questions the defendant finally snapped, "This is all your fault and yours," he pointed straight at Olivia, "you tricked me and made me tell, you miserable lying whores, so what if I did it, she deserved it!"

Satisfied that she had given him enough rope to hang himself with Alex walked back to her seat, "No further Questions your honor and the prosecution asks that this trail be concluded on the grounds that the defendant has admitted in open court his guilt."

Before the judge could speak, the defendant still on the witness stand spoke up once more, "I'm not done saying what I have to say, you will listen to me, you will all listen to me, and you two will pay for what you have done to me." Before anyone could react, the defendant pulled from his jacket a 9mm gun and pointed it straight at Alex. "You will pay." Time seemed to stand completely still, Alex felt herself be pushed to the ground a split second before the gun went off, she heard one more shot come from the witness stand and then one shot come from behind her. Alex lifted her head only when the shots stopped ringing out, she looked around her and saw that Liz had also been pushed to the ground and as she turned around what she saw stopped her heart.

Olivia, her Olivia lying on the courtroom floor with two gunshot wounds, one in her right shoulder and one in her side. For a second she couldn't move, but then she took off her jacket and scarf and pressed them to her wounds and just kept telling Olivia to hold on. She was soon joined by both Liz and Elliot who tried to slow the bleeding until help arrived. Olivia tried to talk, Alex leaned in to hear her and all she said was, "Remember I will always love you."

**Cliffhanger I know, but all the more reason to review. The coming chapter will be worth it I promise.**


	10. Never A Mistake To Love Somebody

The ambulance couldn't get to the courtroom fast enough even though they were only a block away. Even if she had wanted to Alex would not leave Olivia side. She kept applying pressure to the wound on Olivia's shoulder while Elliot held his jacket to her side. When the gurney arrived Alex refused to leave and ended up climbing on to the gurney with Olivia. Olivia was loaded into the ambulance along with Alex while the others loaded into separate cars. In the ambulance Alex was still holding her jacket to Olivia's shoulder, remembering that not long ago the roles were reversed and it was Olivia that was trying to save Alex's live. Alex wanted to say something, something meaningful in case this moment together was their last moment together. Alex was shocked back into reality when the machine monitoring Liv's vitals started blaring.

"She's coding, step on it." 

"Liv, Liv come on damn it. You can't leave me, I need you too much, I love you too much."

Traffic caused more problems, but in the extra time the ME's were able to get her heart shocked back into a normal rhythm. They rushed into the ER bay and a team of doctors surrounded them shouting orders and questions while running Olivia into surgery. Alex was in another world, not paying attention to her surroundings and even though the doctors were yelling at her to get off she stayed with Liv. Just before Olivia was wheeled into the elevator, Alex felt herself being pulled off the gurney and she was then forced to watch the elevator doors close taking her lover away from her.

Alex tried to run toward the elevators, but she was held back by the same set of arms that had torn her away from Olivia. Alex turned around to see it was Liz that had pulled her off of Olivia and was now holding her back. Alex tried to speak, but nothing came out but more tears and she soon felt her knees buckle underneath her and she collapsed at Liz's feet. The rest of the team watched as Liz got down on the floor where Alex had fallen and pulled the young woman into her arms.

"Liz, I can't do this without her. I need her, I….I love her Liz."

The statement shocked the judge slightly, she had never seen Alex like this, she had known her all her life and never had something affected the young woman so much. For a few minutes Liz simply held Alex, she knew that saying everything was going to be alright would be a bad idea as she had no proof that everything would turn out the way they wanted it to. Finally, after sitting on the floor of the hospital for about 15 minutes Liz finally spoke, "Alexandra, do you remember when you were 15 years old, you came to my house, in the middle of the night, about 6 days before Christmas?"

Alex stopped crying and looked at the older woman; she still couldn't speak so she simply nodded.

"I was working on a case, going over testimony and at about three in the morning I heard someone knocking at my door. Imagine my surprise when I open that door and find you in your PJ's, a sweatshirt and boots. It was freezing cold and it had been snowing most of that day so you looked like you were about to freeze on my doorstep. I pulled you inside and got you into a shower and clean clothes and when you finally came downstairs you sat on my couch and started to cry, do you remember that."

Once again Alex nodded.

"I asked what was wrong and you looked me square in the eye and said 'Please don't hate me'. And I told you that I would never and could never hate you no matter what and that if you told me what had you so upset I could probably fix it or help you somehow. You looked at me with those blue eyes of yours full of tears and you asked me how fast broken hearts heal? Now I was sitting there thinking that some football player jackass had broken your heart so I gave the best advice I had. I told you that whenever you lose someone you once loved it hurts, but that doesn't mean it was bad that you loved them. Broken hearts take time to heal and you will have more than your fair share, but then one day you would meet someone that would make you forget that your heart was ever broken and when you meet that person you need to hold on to them and never let go. Do you remember what you said to me after that Alexandra?"

Alex finally found her voice, "I told you that I was scared of falling in love, that the feelings I was having scared me."

"Yes you did, and I told you that Tim or Tom or whatever his name was, was too good for you anyway and before I could say another word you stopped me and said that you weren't upset about him. So I asked you who had you all upset and you looked up at me and said 'her name is Samantha' and then you started crying again. I was confused and your sobbing was making it impossible to hear what you were saying so I told you to breathe and then I asked what it was you came over to tell me. And you swallowed hard and said that you think that you are gay. So I held you close and I told you then the same thing I'm going to tell you now, I love you no matter who you love and it's never a mistake to love somebody. Now do you really love Detective Benson?"

"More than anything."

"Then don't give up so easily Alexandra, she's a fighter, you have to believe that she is going to fight with everything she has to come back to you. She loves you to sweetheart."

"How do you know she loves me?"

"Alexandra Cabot, are you that blind, the woman just took a bullet for you, she was willing to give her life so that you could be safe, and if that's not love then I'm not sure what is. So what do you say we get up off this floor and go find out how that girlfriend of yours is doing." And with that Liz kissed the top of Alex's head and both women got up off the floor and joined the rest of the squad in the surgical waiting room. Everyone sat around waiting for anyone who looked like they worked at that hospital to come and give them information. Eventually, after about 2 hours a doctor wearing surgical scrubs that were covered in blood, walked into the waiting room, "I'm looking for the family of Olivia Benson?"

The entire room stood and the doctor looked a little shocked, Alex and Elliot took a few steps forward so the doctor started talking to them, "Ms. Benson is still in surgery and we are trying to repair the damage that the shot to her abdomen caused, her shoulder injury is already fixed up, but the other wound is in a tricky place and it created a tremendous amount of blood loss and at the moment we are trying to get new blood into her body before we close her up."

Elliot took off her sweatshirt and rolled up his sleeve, "we're the same blood type, whatever she needs from me it her's." Alex smiled at the gesture, Elliot looked as if he was ready to cut the blood out of his own arm right there and then if it meant saving his partner.

"Detective, I'll have a nurse come get blood from you and anyone else you can give it, but right now I have to get back to the OR, your friend is a fighter, we lost her twice, but she keeps coming back, she's a strong one."

At the mention of Olivia dying Alex lost her composure and started to cry once again. Without hesitating Elliot wrapped his arms around her and just let Alex cry and for the first time in hours he allowed himself to cry as well. Alex mumbled something into his chest that he couldn't hear, "What was that Alex?"

"I can't lose her Elliot; she pushed me out of way and took a bullet for me. Why would she do something that crazy?"

"Well one because she's Olivia, two because she is a cop and three because she loves you Alex."

Alex was genuinely shocked by his comment, she knew Olivia hadn't told anyone about them being together yet, how did he know?

"How did you…?"

"Please Alex the look in your eye when you saw her hurt, the fact that you literally got on top of her to stop her bleeding, the fact that Liz had to pull you off of her so she could go to surgery and the fact that she said she loved you before she passed out. Relax Alex I'm not mad, she is my best friend and partner, if she's happy, that is all that I care about. But make no mistake, if you break her heart, hell will have nothing on me." Alex couldn't help but smile, she knew that Elliot loved her as much as she did, just in a different way. She knew that they needed to lean on each other if they were going to survive this.

Alex was shaken awake by Elliot about three hours later, "Alex the doctor just came by, and they put Liv in a room so we can go see her."

Alex was relieved that Olivia had survived the surgery, but the journey ahead would not be an easy one. She and Elliot walked down the hall and they stopped in front of her door.

"Go ahead in Alex, I'll wait here."

"Elliot she's your partner, you should go in and see her."

"Alex, she needs you more than she needs me right now and besides when she wakes up, my face is not the first thing she is gonna want to see. She loves you Alex and even though its gonna hurt to see her in that much pain, just hold her hand and tell her you love her, hell read her the dictionary for all I care, but talk to her, remind her that there are people here that she needs to come back to."

Alex smiled and walked into the room and no matter how hard she tried she wasn't prepared for what she saw. Wires everywhere, machines beeping and the pale shell of the woman she loved in the hospital bed. Alex grabbed onto a chair to steady herself and eventually she pulled it to the edge of the bed and sat in it. She grabbed Olivia's hand and made herself as comfortable as she could in that chair. She promised herself she wouldn't move, not until she got to see those beautiful brown eyes again. She didn't know if Olivia was going to be ok, but she knew that no matter what happened Olivia wouldn't go through it alone, they would survive the battle ahead together.


	11. Two Words

It had been a long three days. Olivia's surgery had gone well, but she still wasn't awake. They gave her a blood transfusion and the next day she was breathing on her own and they took her off the ventilator. Her vitals were strong and she was showing improvement everyday but still Olivia hadn't woken up. Alex had made good on her promise to never leave that chair, or at least she tried, but every now and then Elliot or Liz would tell her to go get something to eat or shower, anything to get her out of that hospital. The few moments of sleep Alex got, she got in that chair with her head resting on the bed next to Olivia, all the while Alex never let go of her hand. She would read to Olivia, at first she would talk to her about a case she was working on, then she started bringing in books. Alex figured if she picked a big enough book, by the time she finished it Olivia would be awake; with that in mind Alex started reading _The Count of Monte Cristo_ to Olivia every time she was with her.

"Until the day when God will deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is contained in these two words,—'Wait and hope.'" After Alex read the last line of the book she placed the book in her lap and looked at Olivia, hoping that what she had just read was something more than a famous quote from a book. Alex had to believe that if she waited long enough and hoped hard enough that Olivia would open her eyes and come back to her. Soon she had fallen asleep with her head resting on Olivia's bed all the while still clutching the book in her hand. It was this sight that Liz was met with when she walked into the hospital and while it broke her heart to see Alex in so much pain, she smiled at the scene in front of her. Liz walked over to Alex and brushed her hair out of face, trying not to disrupt the sleeping woman, but it didn't work.

"You didn't have to tip toe in here I wasn't asleep."

"The hell you weren't Alexandra and who could blame you, you have been awake for the better part of three days and you have been sitting in that chair for most of it. You do realize sitting here starring at Olivia isn't going to wake her up sooner, you can't will someone into life honey."

With all the seriousness she could muster, but still with the wishful tone of a child Alex turned to her and said, "I can try."

Liz smiled, and picked up the book that Alex had put on the bed, "this isn't exactly light reading Alex."

"It's one of her favorites, I figured its 117 chapters she should wake up by the time I finish reading it to her, but I finished it this morning and she's still asleep." The look on Alex face looked like a child that had just found out there is no such thing as Santa Clause, like someone had taken away her faith in miracles. Liz put the book back down on the bed and before walking out of the room she leaned down and kissed Alex's head.

"I'm going to bring you some coffee," she took a few steps and before she walked out the door she turned around and said, "There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness.' Have faith Alexandra, you have already experienced the deepest grief, your happiness will come." And with that she left the room, Alex smiled, she flipped through the book and found the passage Liz had quoted, it came from a letter in the last chapter. Alex read the passage and cried; she never realized how much it symbolized her relationship with Olivia.

She read the passage again out loud hoping that Olivia could hear her words and be moved enough by them to wake up, ""There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must have felt what it is like to die, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of life." Alex knew what if felt like to die and come back, she hoped Olivia would get the same chance to experience that. Alex tore the last page out of the book and folded it into small square and put it into Olivia hand; Alex had nothing else to give Olivia but hope, and in that book, in that passage was all the hope Alex had left to believe in.

Liz returned with the coffee, "I take it you found the passage you were looking for?"

"Liz hoping and waiting for her to wake up is all well and fine, but I feel so helpless, this is the one thing in m life that I can't fix."

"Alexandra, there are some things in life that aren't meant to fixed, at least not by humans. You have to give her time sweetheart, miracles happen when you least expect them to. She loves you Alexandra, she wants to come back to you, you just have to give her time to heal."

With tears in her eyes Alex looked up at the older woman, "I need her Liz."

"Don't tell me, tell her. Tell her how much you need her, how much you love her."

Alex got up out of the chair and climbed onto the bed and settled next to Olivia wrapping her arms around her, careful not to touch any of the wires. Alex rested her head on the pillow and without saying a word she leaned over and kissed Olivia. Without saying a word she laid her head back down and held her lover closer to her, no words were said, but Alex knew that Olivia would somehow know what she meant by the kiss.

"I'll leave you two alone, call me if anything changes."

"Liz wait," Alex got up from the bed and walked over to the door, "why do you think she did it?"

"Did what?"

"Why do you think she took those bullets for me? Why did she risk her life like that?"

Liz opened her mouth to answer, but someone beat her to it, "to save yours."

Alex's heart skipped a beat, she ran toward the bed, Liv, Liv are you awake, did you just talk?"

Opening her eyes just a little bit, Olivia smiled, "well either I just woke up or heaven is better than I thought."

Liz left the room to go find a doctor and Alex sat on the edge of the bed complete floored by what just happened.

"I meant it you know."

"You meant what babe."

"I risked my life, to save yours. I've lived a good life Alex and if I had died that day in that courtroom, it would have been worth it, because I would have died knowing that I loved you."

"No, if you had died that day, it would have destroyed me."

"No, you would have been sad, but one day you would have found someone else to make you happy. Alex, when he pointed that gun at you my heart sank into my chest. I knew you could live without me, but in my heart I knew that my life would mean precious little if you were gone. I did what I had to, to keep you safe and I'd do it again if I had to. I will throw myself in front of every danger in this world to keep you safe, no one will ever hurt you, not as long as I live."

"You're wrong you know, I could never live without you. Tone down the superhero act will you, I don't ever want to go through this again. I need you here with me; I love you too much to ever lose you like that again." Alex leaned forward and kissed Olivia and for the first time in days she felt the wonderful sensation of Olivia kissing her back.

"I'm going to go let everyone know you're awake and let the doctor check you out, ok." Alex got up off the bed and as she reached the door she heard Olivia voice.

"Alex?"

"Yeah babe?"

Holding up the folded page of the book that Alex had placed in her hand she smiled, "thank you for remembering."

"Thank you for coming back to me."


	12. Promises

Alex stood at the door to Olivia's room staring through the window, watching and waiting as the doctors finished examining Olivia and changing the dressings on her wounds. As soon as the doctors came out Alex rushed inside.

"Hey babe you ok, what did the doctor say?"

"He said that I have to stay until they are sure that there is no chance of an infection and they want to see me get some of my strength back before they let me go. I told them I felt fine and that I wanted to go home."

Alex smiled, she knew Liv hated hospitals, "Honey you got shot twice in really dangerous places and there is no way in hell you're going home anytime soon. I almost lost the most important person in the world to me and so until those doctors can tell me that you are 100% ok, you are not leaving this hospital and I am not leaving this chair." Alex sat in the chair next to Olivia's bed and like a defiant child crossed her arms.

"You're really cute when you get all bossy and protective. As long as I have you with me I'll stay here for however long they say." Olivia closed her eyes for a moment, "they told me what happened when they brought me in, that you were on top of me trying to stop the bleeding and that they had to literally pull you off of me."

"They didn't do a thing, Liz pulled me off of you and then I collapsed onto the floor and she got on the floor with me and just let me cry."

"Alex, I'm so sorry you had to go through this."

"No, don't apologize for this, besides I wasn't alone. I had Liz and Elliot and the majority of the NYPD was in the waiting room. You had a lot of people here praying that you'd wake up. Elliot donated blood for your transfusion and Liz pulled a few strings to get a private room."

"Remind me to thank them later. Alex are you crying?"

"No."

"You're a rotten liar Alex, talk to me."

"I was so afraid that I would never get to do this again, just talk to you. I just wanted one more chance to talk to you and look into those brown eyes of yours. I wanted one more chance to tell you that I love you, I just wanted more time."

"Alex come here," Alex climbed into the bed next to Olivia, "I will never leave like that again, I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

"Who says I won't keep it. I mean it Alex, I can't promise you that I won't ever get hurt, but I will never make you feel like you're going to lose me. No matter what happens in this life, I will never break your heart like that."

"Promise me something?"

"Anything, name it."

"No more playing the hero, no more taking bullets or anything like that."

"I can't do that, Alex first of all that guy was going to shoot you and I couldn't let that happen. For the rest of my life I will throw myself in front of every danger that threatens you, because I don't care what happens to me, but I will do everything in my power to make sure you safe."

"Well what can you promise me then?"

"I can promise you that I will love you a little bit more each day. I promise that when we're 90 you're still going to take my breath away when you come into a room. I promise that I will love you until the very day I take my last breath. I promise you'll never be lonely. I promise to kill all the spiders in the apartment. I promise that we can name our first son after your father. I promise to keep my hand on your leg while we sleep so you know I'm still next to you and I promise that never have and never will love anyone the way I love you."

Alex was trying to wipe away the tears that had started to run down her face, but Olivia caught her, "you still look beautiful when you cry."

Alex leaned forward and kissed Olivia, careful not to hurt her, "that was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me. Listen, that day of the shooting, I wanted to ask you something and I chickened out. I wanted to ask you to move in with me."

"I think I could be persuaded with a kiss." Once again Alex's lips found Olivia's and before either one of them could break away they were interrupted.

"Ok, that's enough you two. Alexandra go home and get some rest, take a shower, eat something, hell change your clothes, do something outside of this hospital. Detective Benson is fine, she isn't going anywhere."

Alex snuggled into Olivia more, "Not on your life Liz, I'm not going anywhere."

"That wasn't a request Alexandra, as your boss I'm telling you go home, you are not doing anyone any good here. Besides if it makes you feel better I'll stay with the detective here while you go at least get some food and change of clothes."

Alex turned to Olivia, "will you be ok if I go, I can stay if you need me."

"Honey go, eat something and get some rest. I'm gonna take a nap anyway, there is no need for you to be here to watch me sleep."

"Fine, I'll go, but for the record, I like watching you sleep." Alex got up out of the bed gathered her things and before walking out the door gave Olivia one more kiss. "I'll be back, I promise."


	13. Visiting hours

**I know that last chapter was short, but I wanted some time with just Liv and Alex. I'm updating twice because I have to stay awake in order to take my parent to the airport at like 4am. My insomnia is your good fortune.**

Alex had been gone for about 20 minutes when Liz finally got settled into the chair previously occupied by her. Olivia had her eyes closed, but she was far from asleep.

"Liz?"

"You're supposed to be sleeping detective."

"I know, but I needed to…..thank you for taking care of her. She told me that you pulled her off of me and helped her through it. I just wanted to thank you for taking care of her when I couldn't."

"Detective you don't have to thank me for anything. I've known Alexandra since before she was born, she's family and I would do anything for her. If anything I should be thanking you."

"What for?"

"You're kidding right, detective you pushed Alexandra out of the way of a bullet and took it yourself and then you got shot again. You risked your life just to save her's and I will never forget that sacrifice or that love. You spared me from having to go to her funeral again and this time it would have been real. I already lost her once detective, I couldn't go through that again and I imagine neither could you."

"I saw that gun and it was like that night all over again. I couldn't save her then, but I had to try harder this time, no matter what happened to me."

"Do me a favor Detective Benson, next time you play hero, wear a Kevlar vest."

"Deal, but only if you stop calling me detective, its either Liv or Olivia."

"Olivia it is then, I refuse to call Alexandra by a nickname and the same goes for you. Besides, judging from that little speech you gave Alexandra earlier, you will probably be a member of this crazy group we call a family someday in the near future and no Cabot has ever gone by a nickname."

Blushing at the fact that Liz had heard her speech to Alex, Liv smiled, "you get away with Liz."

"I'm an honorary Cabot my dear." Noting Olivia's confused expression Liz explained, "I knew Alexandra's father in law school, he was one of my closest friends. I was at the wedding, I was called when they found out that they were pregnant with Alexandra and when she was born, I was asked to be her godmother. Now while I may be rough on her at work, I still consider her a daughter and Lord knows I been there for every problem that girl has had her entire life. So you see Olivia, you saved your girlfriend that day in court, but you saved my Alexandra and for that I will be forever in your debt."

"You really care about her don't you?"

"Olivia who do you think she called when her mother found out about her and Amanda. She never had a good relationship with her mother and I was the closest thing she had so I did what I could to be there for her. When she came out, I was there, when her father died, I was there, when she fell in love with you, well she didn't tell me that right away, but I could see something was going on in her brain and those flowers you sent weren't exactly subtle. I'm just glad I didn't have to hold her hand at your funeral."

"You and me both. I really do love her Liz."

"Good, then that saves me from having to make the 'you hurt her, I hurt you speech', but you know what, I haven't done it in such a long time I'm gonna give it to you anyway. Olivia, I mean it when I say I have never seen Alexandra so happy before in her life, you brought that joy back into her life. She loves you more than she has ever loved anyone before and I have no doubt in my mind that one day she'll make you a Cabot, but make no mistake _detective_. Alexandra is the closest thing I have to a daughter, if you hurt her even in the slightest you better hope you can our run me." Liz stood and walked toward the door, "Alexandra should be back soon, I'll give you time to rest, although I think your partner is outside and wants to see you."

"Go ahead and let him in and Liz, thank you for loving her the way you have."

"You don't have to thank me for loving her Olivia, simply pick up where I left off." And with that Liz was out the door. Olivia only got a few moments of peace when she heard a booming voice come from the direction of the door.

"You know when I was in the academy they taught us how to dodge bullets."

"I was sick that day."

"How you feeling?"

"Like I was shot twice."

"Well at least you haven't lost you sense of humor. You gave us quite a scare there partner."

"I know, I'm sorry El.."

"Hey no apologies needed, hell I'm sorry I didn't drop the guy before he hit you twice."

"You're the one that shot him?"

"Yep, I'm sorry I didn't get him sooner Liv."

"Hey you got him and that is what matters. So they tell me that your blood is swimming around inside me now."

"Well, your life needed saving and naturally I was the man for the job."

"Wipe the smug grin off your face, you love playing my hero don't you."

"Not really, but I was glad to do it, Alex needed to see that everyone was pulling for you and that we would do anything to help you out."

"So you know that she and I are…"

"Hopelessly in love, yeah I got that, you could have told me you know, I don't care if you're gay, I just want you to be happy. Does she make you happy?"

"She makes me very happy."

"Then you have my blessings and my support. And Alex has my vote for her sainthood, you're a pain in the ass to handle when you sick or hurt."

"Shut up, I'm not that bad."

"Sure you say that now, but when you're not full of painkillers then you come tell me how good you're feeling. And considering that you are literally falling asleep in front of my eyes, I'm going to go and let you sleep." Elliot got up and walked over to Liv and kissed her head, "Please don't ever do that again, I can't lose you. No one else will put up with me and you know how I take my coffee."

"Those are the only reason's you keep me around?"

"That and I love you. Get better and get some rest you look like hell." With another quick smile he left the room and Olivia was finally able to sleep and dream about a certain blue eyed blonde that she just couldn't stop thinking about.


	14. Family Reunion

After spending two weeks in the hospital Olivia was more than reading to go home, but the doctors told her one more week and then she could go home. She tried to convince them that she was ready to go home, but Alex wouldn't hear of her going home until the doctors had given her the all clear. Remembering her promise not to fuss about staying in the hospital, Olivia complied and agreed to one more week in the hospital. Alex did what she could to make Olivia's stay at the very least tolerable. She only left the hospital to go back to her apartment for more clothes or to the office for file, aside from that she spent her days and nights with Olivia. Nurses tried once to explain to her that she couldn't stay there all night as visiting hours ended at 8. With a smile on her face she asked the nurse whose name was on that wing of the hospital, the nurse said 'Alexander Cabot'. Without saying a word Alex pulled out her driver's license, "Alexander Cabot was my father, if you don't believe me check my birth certificate I was born in this hospital. Now considering my name is literally on this building I think I'll visit my girlfriend whenever I damn well please and I'll stay here all day and all night if I so choose." After that the staff on that floor grew accustom to the presence of Alex Cabot and no one bothered to uphold strict visiting hours with her.

Alex had to take a break from Olivia and go into court as she had one case that needed her attention and could not be handled by her stand in. When she returned to the hospital she found Liz walking out of Olivia's room and closing the door softly behind her.

"How is she doing?"

"She is sleeping and if you're as smart as I know you are you will let her stay that way. No climbing in bed with her or anything like that."

"Ah come on Liz, you don't let me have any fun. Did they change her bandages?"

"Yes they came in about half an hour ago, changed them, gave her some pain meds and then she was out. I just swung by after court to check on her, but I have to get back to the office sooner or those interns will just waste time trying to access my personnel file to see how old I am."

"Play nice Liz, thank you for stopping by and I'll call you later to check on the Johnston case." With that Alex walked into Olivia's room; Liz watched from the hall as Alex ignored her request and climbed into bed next to the detective. Olivia didn't seem to mind, she unconsciously wrapped her arms around Alex and went back to sleep. Liz stood there in the hallway genuinely touched by what she saw in front of her, but soon the double door at the end of the hallway opened and Liz couldn't believe who came walking down the hallway. Liz quickly shut the blinds that covered the window to Olivia's room and started walking toward the new arrival mumbling, "what the hell" under her breath. Finally she and the woman that had just walked through the doors were toe to toe, "Charlotte, not to sound rude, but what the hell are you doing here?"

"Elizabeth, language, didn't your parents teach you better than that. I was called and told Alexandra was here."

"Who called and told you that?"

"Some nurse who was checking Alexandra's birth records, something about Alexandra using her father's name to help her friend through some horrible ordeal."

Liz cringed when she heard Charlotte refer to Olivia as Alex's "friend", "Charlotte, none of what you just said explains why you're here."

"Alexandra hasn't returned my phone calls in almost a month and so I decided to come down here myself and put an end to this foolishness." As she ended her sentence, Charlotte Cabot reached for the door handle, but was quickly stopped.

"Charlotte, you listen to me and you listen real good. The woman lying in that hospital bed saved your daughter's life; she pushed Alex out of the way and took two bullets for her, she almost died and it's a miracle she is able to tell the tale. She is not Alexandra's 'friend' and if you call her that one more time I will make you regret it. Face facts Charlotte, that woman in there just gave you a second chance with your daughter, don't fuck it up." Liz stepped out of the way and just before Charlotte entered the room Liz stopped her one last time, "she loves her Charlotte, I've never seen anyone make her this happy before and if you do anything to ruin that happiness, anything, I will spend the rest of my life making yours as miserable as humanly possible."

Charlotte didn't say anything; she entered the room and stood in the doorway try not to draw attention to herself. As she neared the bed Alex started to stir and without looking at who had entered the room she leaned over and kissed Olivia and as she sat up and rubbed her eyes and she let out a small gasp as she realized who had entered the room, "Mother."

"Alexandra."

"What are you doing here?"

"You didn't think that you could use your father's name and not have me find out about it."

"Mother please let's talk about this outside, I don't want to wake up Olivia."

"Too late Alex, I'm already awake."

"Baby I'm sorry we woke you up, we were just about to go outside."

"Who is we?"

Alex took a deep breath, "Liv this is my mother, Charlotte Cabot, mother this is my _girlfriend_ Olivia Benson."

"It's very nice to meet you Ms. Benson, I understand thanks are in order as you saved my daughter's life. I hope you are recovering nicely."

"I'll be fine Mrs. Cabot, thank you for your concern."

"Mother, what are you really doing here?"

"Alexandra we should handle this outside and let Ms. Benson rest."

"Detective, mother, she is a detective and whatever you have to say to me you can say in front of her."

"Fine Alexandra, have it your way. I want you to stop this foolishness; this isn't how your life is supposed to be. Look at where you are you almost got shot, that has to mean something."

"Mother how dare you. I almost got shot because the security wasn't tight enough at the court house, it had nothing to do with me being a lesbian."

"Stop saying that Alexandra."

"No, damn it mother listen to me, I know it isn't what you wanted for me, but it is the truth, I'm gay. It's not foolishness and it isn't going to go away if we don't talk about it, it's as much a part of me as my blue eyes. Now if you can't except that then that is your problem, not mine, but know this mother; if you don't at least try to understand you will no longer be welcome in my life, _our_ life."

"I'm sorry Alexandra, but I just can't, this isn't right."

"You've made your decision and I have made mine mother, get out of this room and please don't bother calling, ever again."

"Alexandra…"

"Goodbye mother." Charlotte was at the door when Olivia finally spoke up.

"Alex, give me a minute with your mother."

"No way I'm leaving you alone with her."

"Just give me 5 minutes, ok."

"Five minutes." Alex stepped out of the room and joined Liz in the hallway.

"Detective Benson I…"

"No Mrs. Cabot, I think I've heard you talk long enough. Now it my turn to speak and you will listen to me. First of all, if you ever speak to your daughter like that again in my presence, you will have more problems than you know what to do with. I understand that this is confusing for you; Alex is a part of a world that you know nothing about and that scares you and it's probably the first time in your life that you haven't been able to fix a problem with money. You can't buy your daughter a new sexuality Mrs. Cabot. I understand that as a parent you want the very best for your child, you never want to see them hurt or in pain, or see them suffer any unnecessary hardships. You want to protect them and give them the best of everything this world has to offer, I completely understand that. What I don't understand is how anyone could turn their back on child as wonderful as Alex. She is kind and beautiful, smart, funny, stubborn and she is one of the strongest women I know. Now Mrs. Cabot I will not lie to you being gay in this society is not easy, it takes a strong person to live this life, but your daughter is not living it alone, she has me and she will always have me."

"Mrs. Cabot I've loved Alex from the moment I saw her, she made me stutter and she made me nervous and ultimately she made fall in love with her. I've never felt like this about anyone else in my entire life Mrs. Cabot; my heart skips a beat when I hear her key in the door, when she laughs it's so beautiful it brings a tear to my eye, when she cries all I want to do is hold her and drive all her demons away and when she smiles my heart melts. Now I can't promise you she will never get hurt, but I can promise you, I will never be the cause of that pain. I love her Mrs. Cabot, with everything I am, I love her. I would give everything that I ever thought meant anything to me just to make sure she is safe and happy. I was and still am willing to die for her because if I lost her my life would mean precious little. Mrs. Cabot, when I look into her eyes I see the rest of my life; I'm going to marry her one day, we are going to have a beautiful life together and it is up to you whether or not you are going to be a part of it. Now that being said, if you ever, ever treat her that badly again, you better pray I'm still recovering from this surgery. She is still your daughter and she is my girlfriend and you will treat her with the respect due her, understand me. You don't have to approve of how she lives her life, but if you don't try to understand it, you are going to lose her and I know that you don't want that. When you're ready to give your relationship with your daughter another try, you know where to find her. And until that day comes Mrs. Cabot I would appreciate it if you left us alone, now please leave."

Charlotte couldn't move, she was floored, no one had ever stood up to her like that or spoken so eloquently while doing it. Eventually she walked out of the room and the hospital all together.

As her mother was leaving both Alex and Liz walked into Olivia's room, "Babe, are you ok?"

"I'm fine, your mother and I had some things we needed to discuss in private."

"Liv I'm so sorry about her, I don't need her in my life, all I will ever need is you ok."

"Don't be sorry and just give her some time to digest what I told her. People can change Alex, even people like your mom."

"Whatever you say babe. I'm going to go get something to eat, ok, I'll be back in 20."

As soon as Alex was gone Liz spoke up, "that was some speech Olivia."

"You heard that?"

"The whole floor heard that, you started to yell when you were trying to make a point. I'll give you this much, you are braver then most, going toe to toe with Charlotte like that."

"Do you think Alex heard?"

"She was on the phone with her sister telling her what their mother was up to she only heard the tail end of it."

"So she heard that whole I'm gonna marry her thing."

"Yep. Don't look so embarrassed Olivia, she lit up like a Christmas tree when she heard you say that."

"She did?"

"She did." Liz walked over to Olivia patted her hand and on her way out the door she turned and said, "welcome to the family my dear. I hope you have a high alcohol tolerance, it's the only way to get through family functions."

Olivia couldn't help but laugh even though it hurt her side when she did. Alex returned and they resumed their previous positions and soon Alex had fallen back asleep. As she fell asleep herself Olivia couldn't help but think that she could get used to being a part of this new family.


	15. Welcome Home

**I realize this chapter sucks a little, but I needed it for filler so stay with me.**

The day that she had finally waited for had finally come, the doctors had said that Olivia could go home and she couldn't have been happier. Even though it would be about a month before she could back to full duty back at work, she was glad for the fact that she was going home to Alex. The doctors were changing her bandage for the last time and giving her some home care instructions while Alex waited anxiously in the hallway with Liz.

"Do you think something's wrong, why won't they let me in?"

"They won't let you in Alexandra because you fuss over her and make it impossible for them to do their jobs. Just relax she will be out in a minute."

A few minutes later the doctors walked out of the room and Olivia followed close behind them. Alex jumped up out of her chair and ran over to Olivia and kissed her, "what was that for?"

"You're coming home, that's what." Alex reached down to grab Olivia bag, but Olivia pulled it away from her, "Alex I can carry my own bag I'm not an invalid." Alex ignored her and grabbed the bag, "No you're not, but you were just shot so shut up and let me fuss over you. Aren't you supposed to be leaving here in a wheelchair or something?"

"I slipped the nurse 20 bucks to temporarily forget that rule."

"Liv."

"What I can walk."

"Your stubborn you know that."

"And yet you love me anyway."

"That I do, now let's go home."

The three women reached the car and Alex and Olivia both got into the backseat while Liz got behind the wheel. Half way to their apartment Alex unbuckled herself and slid closer to Olivia and wrapped her arms around her, pulling Olivia close to her. "What are you doing now?"

"I'm never letting go of you."

"Well, not that I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life like this, but I think Liz would be pissed if we took up permanent residence in her backseat."

"I mean it I almost lost you, I'm not gonna let go of you."

"I don't remember asking you do let go of me, in fact I think there is still a little too much space in between us." With that Olivia pulled Alex a little closer to her and kissed her, this time neither woman pulled away and before they realized it they were making out in the backseat of Liz's car. Liz thought about saying something, but decided to let them be. Five minutes later Liz stopped the car in front of Alex's apartment building, "Sorry to interrupt ladies, but your home." Alex blushed; she had temporarily forgotten where they were because she was so happy to have Olivia back. Both women got out of the backseat and followed Liz into the building.

"I feel like I'm a teenager that just got caught making out in the backseat of their parents car."

"That's because you are Alexandra, perhaps next time you and Olivia can make out in oh I don't know, your apartment instead of my backseat."

All three women loaded into the elevator and as Olivia was going to press the button for the tenth floor, Alex grabbed her hand and instead pressed the button for the twelfth floor.

Olivia was reasonably confused, but before she could say anything the elevator stopped and Alex guided Olivia out. Alex quickly covered Olivia's eyes with her hands, "No peaking."

"Alex what is going on?"

"Open your eyes and see for yourself."

When she did open her eyes, Olivia realized she was standing in a completely different apartment, but all her and Alex's things were in it.

"Welcome home Liv."

"What do you mean home? We live here?"

"Yep, I talked to my super and he said there was an open apartment and I took it. It has three bedrooms and more space and a bigger balcony. Are you mad that I got it without you seeing it?"

"Mad?" Olivia picked Alex up at the waist and kissed her, "I absolutely love it, but how did you get all of your stuff and my stuff moved in here already."

"Everyone helped; Serena, Elliot, Munch, Fin, Liz and even the Captain helped out a little bit. We packed up your apartment and mine and moved everything in here. If you want to change the décor or the furniture we can move stuff around, but I just really wanted this ready so that when you came home, you would be coming into our home, not just my apartment that you happen to spend a lot of time in."

"I don't want to change anything, Alex its really perfect. But why three bedrooms?"

"I figured we could use one for a home office and until we need it for something else we can use the other one for storage or whatever. Oh and I have something I want to show you, wait right here."

Alex went into the bedroom and just as she left Liz tapped Olivia on the shoulder, "I assume that you picked up on the subtle 'until we need it for something else'."

"I got the picture Liz. She got the bigger apartment for when we have kids."

"And your ok with that?"

"I am beyond ok with that, I mean we aren't having them right this minute, but it's nice to know that when we do we already have the space here for them."

"Well, then if you two don't need me, I think I'm going to go home and try to get the hospital smell out of my suit. Tell Alexandra I said goodbye, and please for her sake take care of yourself."

"Bye Liz, thanks."

Alex emerged from the bedroom with a box in her hand, "Did Liz go?"

"Yeah she wanted to go get the hospital smell off of her and give us some time to settle in. What's in the box?"

"Only one way to find out, open it."

Olivia opened the box and found a necklace inside, "Alex what is this?"

"Look at what is tied to the end of it."

"A bullet?"

"Ok, I know it sounds weird, but hear me out. You and I have both been shot right. Well, last night when they were changing your bandage I realized that you had been shot in the place I had. I mean you got shot in the side also, but the first shot was to your right shoulder. After I came back, I dug up the evidence from my "murder" and since they no longer needed the bullet that had hurt me I took it and had it made into a necklace. I wanted to have it with me always so I could look at it and remember what I had been through and what I had survived. I had one made for you out the slug they got out of your shoulder to remind you that you survived and to thank you for saving me. What do you think?"

Olivia played with the necklace for a minute and then leaned over and gave Alex a quick peck on the lips, "I think its really wonderful and you don't have to thank me for saving you. I'm just glad this time I didn't fail."

"What are you talking about?"

"That night when you got shot, I couldn't save you. I just kept pushing harder and harder, but the blood wouldn't stop and I lost you."

"Hey look at me, you got me back and you didn't fail me, you saved my life that night too. You are the only reason I didn't actually die, so really you've saved my life twice now."

"Promise me something."

"Anything."

"No more pissing off the heads of powerful drug cartels ok."

"I think I can manage that. Now you my dear have physical therapy in the morning so I think it's time we went to bed."

Both women settled into their new bed and tried to get comfortable, "Alex no offense to your designing abilities, but this King size bed puts way too much space between us."

"No one is forcing you to stay on that side of the bed."

Olivia slowly moved over to where Alex was laying down and settled in close to her, "better."

"Sort of."

"What's wrong now?"

"I can't hold you because I can't sleep on my side."

Alex smiled, "Well I think I might be able to fix that." And with that Alex turned over and snuggled into Olivia's other side. "See this way you can hold on to me all you want and you won't hurt your shoulder." Finally able to relax, both women fell sound asleep in their new apartment.

**I know it's amazingly cheesy, but whatever. I know what I am doing for the next chapter, but I could use some suggestions for the next ones after that. Reviews and suggestions are appreciated. **


	16. Loving a Ghost

Alex woke up the next morning and looked at the clock. She wasn't surprised that she had slept in until 10:30 it had been a long few weeks and both she and Olivia were tired. She reached over to the space next to her thinking that she would find Olivia but all she found was an empty bed.

"Liv? Baby where are you." Her question was met with silence and that very silence made her sit up in the bed and curiosity got the better of her and she grabbed her robe off the hook and made her way toward the kitchen. She didn't find Olivia but she did find a note written on a napkin tucked under a mug of coffee.

_Before you panic, don't. I just have to go do something and I will be back by lunch._

_Love you,_

_Liv_

Alex tucked the note into her robe and quickly went into the bedroom. Ten minutes later she emerged from the bedroom dressed in jeans and a sweater with her cell phone in her hand. Every time she called Olivia's phone she was met with the answering machine, so after three times she called the only other person who might know where she is.

"Stabler."

"Elliot its Alex, I woke up this morning and Liv wasn't here, she left a note say she had to go take care of something. She could aggravate her wounds or get hurt again and I.."

"Alex, breathe, she probably just needed to go for a walk or something."

"Elliot her car is gone, where could she have gone, she isn't at work is she?"

"Nope, maybe she….wait Alex, what day is today?"

"Sunday."

"Is her guitar missing?"

Alex went and retrieved the case from under the bed and sure enough it was empty, "yeah it is, how did you know that?"

"I think I know where she might be, you ready for an address Alex?"

Alex wrote down the directions and as she was hanging up with Elliot there came a knocked at the door. Alex went to answer it and was pleasantly surprised to she Serena standing in the doorway.

"Hey you ready to go?"

"Go where?"

"We had lunch plans Alex, what's wrong you look all panicky?"

"Liv took off this morning and she isn't back yet and I'm getting worried so I am going to go look for her, sorry about lunch."

"No its fine, I'd rather play detective then eat lunch. Any idea where she is?"

"Elliot suggested that I try this address, any idea where it is?"

"Sure I've been there a few time, but Alex it's a..."

"Awesome you drive."

Serena knew trying to argue wouldn't get them anywhere so she grabbed the keys and followed Alex out the door. Twenty minutes later Serena turned into the driveway at the address on the paper and Alex was confused to say the least because the sign that hung on the gate they drove through read _Gate of Heaven Cemetery_.

"Serena what the hell are we doing here?"

"Alex that is what I was trying to tell you earlier, the address you gave me is a cemetery, I've been to like three funerals here in the last year."

"Why would Liv be here?"

"I don't know sweetie, has anyone in her family died recently?"

"Her mother died last year."

"Maybe she is here for that then."

"I doubt it, she and her mother weren't exactly close."

"There's her car. And that looks like her down there."

"Stay in the car ok, I'll go see what's up."

Serena did as Alex asked. Alex started walking toward Olivia, but stopped as soon as she heard the guitar make a sound. Liv started strumming it and not wanting to interrupt whatever was going on Alex stood a few yards away, but she was close enough to hear what was going on. After a few more chords of simply strumming the guitar Olivia started to sing and Alex simply stood there in shock.

_In my daughter's eyes I am a hero  
I am strong and wise and I know no fear  
But the truth is plain to see  
She was sent to rescue me  
I see who I wanna be  
In my daughter's eyes_

_In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal  
Darkness turns to light and the  
world is at peace  
This miracle God gave to me gives me  
strength when I am weak  
I find reason to believe  
In my daughter's eyes_

And when she wraps her hand  
around my finger  
Oh it puts a smile in my heart  
Everything becomes a little clearer  
I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart  
has had enough  
It's giving more when you feel like giving up  
I've seen the light  
It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future  
A reflection of who I am and what will be  
Though she'll grow and someday leave  
Maybe raise a family  
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy  
she made me  
For I'll be there  
In my daughter's eyes

Alex stood completely still for a moment, she was absolutely floored; she didn't know Liv could sing at all let alone so beautifully. After wiping away the tears that were steadily running down her face she took a few steps forward, "Never would have pegged you as a country fan."

Olivia jumped and wiped away the tears that were clinging to her face, "Alex, I was just, uh, how long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to know that you can sing. Honey why didn't you just tell me where you were going, I was worried about where you were."

Olivia was silent for a moment, then while looking at the ground in front of her she said, "I always come on Sunday to visit her. When I was in the hospital I couldn't so it was really important to me to come today."

"Why didn't you tell me I would have come with you?"

"I needed to do this by myself, when I come here I need to be alone, just me and her. Besides I didn't want you to think I was crazy."

"Baby, why would I think you're crazy, I go to my father's grave and talk to him all the time."

"But you had a great relationship with your father. My mother was an alcoholic and she was constantly abusive toward me, I mean Christ Alex my mother treated me like I was this walking mistake. When she was alive I hated her so much for so many reasons, but when she died, I don't know something changed."

Alex got down on her knees in front of Olivia and grabbed hold of the now crying woman, "Listen to me, you are not a mistake and honey maybe her death allowed you to finally bury the pain she caused you. Sometimes saying goodbye is the second chance that people wait for. When she died maybe you were finally able to forgive her or at least move past what she did."

"I just don't get it, how can I love someone who hurt me so much?"

"Honey, no matter how bad things got between you and her, at the end of the day she was your mother and if nothing else you love her for giving her life. Hell, even I can find something about her that I love."

"How could you possibly love her? You never met her."

Alex sat down next to Olivia and took her face in her hands, "I love her because she gave me you. I know she hurt you, but all the hardships you had to overcome made you the woman you are today and I happen to love that woman very much."

"Alex do you think she ever really loved me?"

"Liv, anyone who has ever met you would be crazy not to love you. I know she loved you she just could love you in the way you needed because of her problems."

"I think I'd like to go home now."

"Serena is waiting in the car. I'll be there in a minute ok."

Olivia got up and grabbed the guitar and started walking toward the car, leaving Alex at her mother's headstone. Once Olivia was out of ear shot Alex turned toward the headstone and simply starred at it for a few minutes, but before she walked away she knelt by the polished rock that marked Serena Benson's finally resting place. As she rubbed her hand over the inscription 'Beloved Mother' she spoke in a low, even tone to what she could only assume was a ghost.

"Look Ms. Benson, I'm not gonna tell you how horrible of a mother you were to her, or how much you hurt her, mostly because I'm pretty sure you know all that already. I will say this much, you spent her entire life breaking her heart, her body and her spirit," Alex stood up and started to walk away, but before she did she finished her sentiment, "and if it takes the rest of my life I will fix every part of her that you broke."

And with that Alex walked toward the car and got in the backseat with Olivia. Olivia snuggled into to Alex chest and both women fell asleep in the backseat. Serena noticed how quiet the car had gotten and looked in the rear view mirror to see what had caused the silence. She knew that it had been a long few weeks and a long day for both Alex and Olivia, but she couldn't help but smile at the sight of her best friend curled up with her girlfriend, sound asleep, finally at peace in each other's arms.


	17. Author's Note

**The song from the last chapter is in fact real it's called In my Daughter's Eyes by Martina McBride. Ok so past that I am having a small case of Writer's block and I am trying to figure out a few ideas for the next few chapters and I would appreciate some advice on the matter. I know what I want to do down the line in about four or five chapters, but I need some help writing the next chapters. I know I'm going to have them meet Alex's sister that I mentioned a few chapters ago, but other than that I'm a little stumped. Also, quick show of hands, yes or no for a sex scene. I've never really written one, but I can if that's what you want. Thanks for the help.**


	18. Family Vacation

Alex sat in the exam room nervously playing with her cell phone and when she could no longer feign interest in the device she grabbed hold of Olivia's hand and started nervously squeezing it. They had been to many doctor's appointments, but this one was different; this one would tell them if Olivia could return to work sooner rather than later.

"Alex, honey, if you squeeze my hand any tighter you will break the thing."

"Sorry, I guess I'm just a little nervous."

"I am too, but I'm sure the doctor will say I'm fine and before you know it I'll be back at work bugging you for warrants and popping in your office unannounced."

"Promise?"

"You have my word as a gentleman." Olivia was hoping to make Alex smile and cut the tension, which she did, but Alex was still nervous. Thankfully, the doctor walked in about two minutes later.

"All right, detective the wounds seem to have healed nicely and your mobility has improved greatly."

"Why do I feel a 'but' coming?"

"But, I want you to take two more weeks before you are back on full duty because even though your arm looks to be back to 100% the injury to your side is still causing you some problems and I think the extra time will give the wound time to completely heal."

"You have to be kidding, what the hell am I gonna do for two weeks."

"I'm sorry Olivia, but if you go back now you could make the injury worse and then it will only keep you out of commission longer." Olivia looked like a kid who had just had their balloon popped.

"Thank you, doctor; I'm sure she can find something to do for two weeks." The doctor left both women alone and Alex got up from the chair and stood in front of Olivia on the exam table. "I'm sorry."

"Me too."

"I have an idea, what if you and I got away for a little while. It can take your mind off of healing and I could use a vacation."

"Alex you shouldn't have to take time off of work just to babysit me."

"Hey I earned that vacation time, thank you very much and I have no intention of babysitting you, making out with you is another story." Olivia couldn't help but smile and started to feel a little bit better, "fine you twisted my arm, but where are we going to go on this surprise vacation of ours."

"Well, what would say to going to my family's house in the Hamptons? My sister was planning on bring her family up anyway for a week, so you can meet my family and then we can have another whole week up there with just the two of us. What do you think?"

"You want me to meet your sister and stay in a multimillion dollar home for two weeks, well gee Alex I think you might have to twist my arm." Olivia stood up from the table and as they walked out the door she leaned over and kissed Alex, "we can start packing when we get home."

"Liv, baby, how many books are you bringing and why are they all mostly classics and books about Queen Elizabeth?"

"What, you know how much I read and you can't beat the classics and seriously Alex, Queen Elizabeth was like the first feminist and she kicked ass."

"Is that what she did? I'm sure she will be glad to know that you just diminished a 44 year reign, which included defeating the Spanish armada, into her simply 'kicking ass'."

Olivia feigned being hurt, "I thought I was supposed to be the expert on Elizabethan times. Is there anything you don't know?"

Alex pretended to think about it, "Hmmm, nope, I know all things."

Olivia smiled, "well aren't I lucky to have a girlfriend that knows it all."

"You are truly blessed."

"Carefully Alex if you ego gets any bigger, it won't fit in the car. Are you done packing because traffic is gonna suck if don't leave like ten minutes ago."

"Hey you are the one who insisted that I bring more than just my bikini."

Olivia picked up both their bags and headed for the door, "honey, I would love to see you in less than that, but I figured I already pissed off one member of your family, I would try to impress the rest of them and that starts with both of us wearing clothes, at least for a little while."

Alex impishly grinned as she locked the door, "so you are saying don't bring the bikini?"

After driving through two hours of traffic, they were getting closer to the house, but Alex knew that they still had about two more hours of driving. She looked over at the passenger side seat at a very asleep Olivia. Alex wanted her to rest, but she could not stand the absolute silence in the car so she grabbed her ipod and found the playlist she was looking for and hit play. Making sure the sound was low the first song filled the car with a soft intro an as the music began Alex couldn't help but smile at the song.

_I remember all my life  
Raining down as cold as ice  
A shadow of a man  
A face through a window  
Crying in the night  
The night goes into_

Morning, just another day  
Happy people pass my way  
Looking in their eyes  
I see a memory  
I never realized  
you made me so happy, oh Mandy

Well you came and you gave without taking  
but I sent you away, oh Mandy  
well you kissed me and stopped me from shaking  
I need you today, oh Mandy

I'm standing on the edge of time  
I Walked away when love was mine  
Caught up in a world of uphill climbing  
The tears are in my mind  
And nothing is rhyming, oh Mandy

Well you came and you gave without taking  
but I sent you away, oh Mandy  
well you kissed me and stopped me from shaking  
And I need you today, oh Mandy

Yesterday's a dream I face the morning  
Crying on the breeze  
the pain is calling, oh Mandy

Well you came and you gave without taking  
but I sent you away, oh Mandy  
well you kissed me and stopped me from shaking  
And I need you today, oh Mandy

Alex was still caught up in the song and didn't notice Olivia stirring, "so you're a Barry Manilow fan?"

"Ok so I have a few of his songs, why you have something against easy listening?"

"Nope I just think it's cute?"

"You think what is cute?"

"That you have a hopelessly romantic side to you."

"I do not."

"Really, so if I pick up this ipod right now I won't see that this playlist has my name on it."

Alex's face turned a light shade of red, "ok so maybe I am a little bit of a hopeless romantic. I thought I was safe since you were sleeping, but alas my secret is out."

"Well, I still love you so I think you're safe. How far away are we from the house?"

"I would say, without any more traffic, about an hour and a half, maybe a little less."

"So are you going to debrief me on the Cabot clan before I actually meet them all or am I fending for myself?"

"Ok so my older sister, Kimberly and her husband Keith are coming up tomorrow with their two children Matthew and Lily. My uncle Bill and aunt Carol will probably come up for a few days along with my other aunt Diana and my uncle Peter, and then of course a wide assortment of cousins and second cousins."

"So basically what you are telling me is that this is a family reunion of sorts."

"I guess you could call it that."

"Are you sure that you want me to meet your whole family, that's kind of a huge step Alex?"

Alex looked at Olivia, "We've been together for almost 7 months and I want my family to meet the woman who I've been talking about so much lately. Plus, I have no intention of ever letting you go so they need to get used to you being around at family functions."

Olivia all of a sudden got very misty eyed and Alex wasn't sure what she had said that upset her, "hey, what's wrong, did I say something wrong? Am I moving too fast for you?"

"No, I just, no one ever loved me this much before. I mean that, I've dated a few people that wanted me to meet their families, but none of those relationships stick because the family didn't think I was good enough for their little girl."

Alex literally pulled over the car and grabbed Olivia hand, "listen to me, ok. My family is gonna love you because I love you and you know what even if they said Alexandra you are crazy to stay with her, I would leave my whole family behind and spend the rest of my life with you as my family. But you know what, that will not happen because they are gonna fall in love with you."

"Alex, I'm not an easy person to love."

"You kidding right? You are the easiest thing in the world to love and my family knows how happy you make me and how many times you have literally saved my life. I bet you anything that by the end of the week they will like you more than they like me, ok."

"Ok. What if I get their names wrong?"

"Stop worrying, I can have them wear name tags if you want."

Olivia smiled, "thank you. So your family gonna tell me all the embarrassing stories of you from your younger years?"

"Probably and if they really like you they will haul out my high school year book."

After about an hour of driving Olivia started to see houses that she couldn't afford even if all the SVU detectives pooled their money together. "Alex exactly how rich is your family."

"Come on it isn't that fancy."

"Right." Soon Alex made a right into a driveway that seemed to never end, but when it did there was a massive house that left Olivia awe struck. As soon as Alex turned off the car two men appeared in the door way and they startled Olivia to the point where she had her hand on her gun, but Alex quickly stopped her, "babe they work here."

"Ms. Cabot what room should I took your bags to?"

"Sam we have been over this before don't call Ms. Cabot, when you do I think my mother is standing behind me. It's Alex and if you could take them to my old room that would be wonderful. Oh, and Sam," Alex went and grabbed Olivia, "this is my girlfriend Olivia."

"It's nice to see Alexandra found someone to keep her out of trouble. It's a pleasure to meet you Olivia, my name is Sam, if you need anything during your stay just name it." With that Sam grabbed the ladies bags and entered the house.

"You want the grand tour babe."

"I think I'll need it or I might get lost."

"Let's start outside." Both women walked hand in hand around the back of the house and Olivia was completely floored with how beautiful the view was. The backyard itself had a few sets of patio furniture and a built in bar/grill with a number of tables and chairs around it. There was a huge pool with even more chairs around it and just beyond the pool area was a dock that had a fairly large boat docked next to it.

"Alex this is beautiful."

"I know, sometimes when I come up here I just want to spend all my time out here. Come here there is something I want to show you." Alex brought Olivia down to the dock where the boat was. "So you know how every boat has a name, look at the name of this one."

Olivia looked the boat over and on the starboard side paneling was written in blue letters the name of the boat 'Alexandra'. "Your dad named his boat after you?"

"Sort of. When my mother found out that she was pregnant with me, she was positive they were going to have a boy and so she bought this boat for my father as a way to celebrate and she named it Alexander because that was what my name was supposed to be. When I was born and they saw that I was clearly not a boy, they decided to just fix the last few letters rather than repaint the whole side of the boat with a whole new name. Besides my dad said that its good luck to name boats after beautiful women, he said it kept the boat safe. He taught me how to drive this boat before I learned to drive a car. My mother hated going on the water with us because she would get sick, so whenever we went out it was just him and me. When he died…I drove up here and took the boat out and stayed on that water for three days, if I hadn't run out of food I would have stayed out there." Alex tried to hide the few tears rolling down her checks, but Olivia say them and pulled Alex close to her and kissed her forehead and the two women just stood on the dock starring at the boat.

After standing in that spot for the better part of an hour letting Alex cry until she grew quiet, Olivia spoke up, "You ok honey?"

"I'm fine, I just, I wish he could have met you. He and I were always close, I mean he loved Kim, but he and I were like two halves of the same person. My mother always said I was my father's shadow, always following him around, acting like him; until I was 13 he called me junior because I was so much like him. I guess I just miss him, I miss being his Alexandra, I'm nobody's little girl anymore."

"Alex you will always be his little girl and give your mom some time she may surprise you."

"No offense babe, but I'm not gonna hold my breath. I'm getting kind of hungry, want to head inside?"

"Sounds like a plan." Alex started to take a couple of steps toward the house when Olivia scooped her up into her arms and started carrying her into the house.

"You know I can walk right?"

"I know, but if I let you walk I couldn't do this." Olivia leaned in and kissed Alex. "See, there are benefits to not walking."

The ladies sat down to eat dinner and Alex continued to tell Olivia stories about the house and about her childhood. After they finished their food Olivia go up and put Alex's ipod in the speaker dock and hit play, not looking to see what song was about to play. She went over to Alex's chair and put out her hand, "can to dance?"

"I'd love too." Alex stood up and Olivia immediately pulled her in so that they were dancing with very little space between themselves and soon the song started up.

_You were Juliet and I was into you  
And I asked you out till you couldn't say no and you finally felt it too.  
I drove you down the boulevard, that's where you took my heart  
And gave me yours instead and every day you find new ways to be beautiful._

_You laugh at the garden that we grow in the lawn,  
Drink coffee in the kitchen with no makeup on.  
Sing all the wrong words to my favorite songs.  
You're beautiful, and that's beautiful.  
You got lines on your face from sleeping on me,  
Call me at work cause you lost your key,  
Go to buy a dog and you come home with three.  
You're beautiful, and that's beautiful to me._

_You turn every head when you walk into a room  
But your kindness and your sweetened soul lingers like perfume.  
Babe you could have gone with Romeo but you stayed with me instead.  
And every day I find new ways that make you beautiful. _

_You say honey give me roses but don't buy red,  
You need 46 pillows all over the bed.  
Guess every punch line before its said.  
You're beautiful and that's beautiful.  
Whatcha doing with a guy like me?  
You're so cool and I'm high tea.  
I don't deserve to have a girl as beautiful as you. _

_You laugh at the garden that we grow in the lawn,  
Drink coffee in the kitchen with no makeup on.  
Sing all the wrong words to my favorite songs,  
You're beautiful, and that's beautiful.  
You got lines on your face from sleeping on me,  
Call me at work cause you lost your key,  
You go to buy a dog and you come home with three.  
You're beautiful, and that's beautiful to me. _

_You're so beautiful, and that's beautiful to me._

Even though the song was over and the room was quiet they kept dancing, holding on to each other and soon the distance between them became no existent as them came together and kissed. Soon that kiss grew into a heavy make out session that left both women feeling rather breathless.

"Alex?"

"Yeah."

"We're alone in the house right?"

"Yep, just you and me. Why what are you thinking?"

Olivia leaned in and kissed Alex and soon had her pinned against the nearest wall, "bedroom, now."

Alex wasn't sure if it was a command or a request, but either way she leapt up into Olivia's arms so that her legs were straddling Olivia's hips as Olivia carried her upstairs to their bedroom.

**Ok so love scene in the next chapter and the two songs are Mandy by Barry Manilow and That's Beautiful to Me by Jaron and the Long Road to Love.  
Thanks for bearing with me while I deal with my writers block. Please review and thanks to those who have already, over a hundred reviews, wow.**


	19. All Is Fair In Love And War

**Ok so as promised, love scene is finished. It is the first time I have written one so go easy on the critiques, but advice is welcomed. Finally over my writer's block and have the next several chapters planned out in great detail. Thanks for hanging in there and enjoy the latest installment. **

Olivia ignored the slight pain that was coming from her side and without many issues she carried Alex up the many stairs and into their bedroom. Thankfully just as her arms gave out she backed into the bed and fell on top of the mattress with Alex landing on top of her. Throughout all of this neither woman broke the seal they had on each other lips. Eventually air became an issue and Alex was the first one to pull back from the kiss, "Liv, I don't want to hurt you, your side is still healing."

"Alex trust me, if it hurts I will tell you, but no offense to the doc, but I am not waiting two weeks to have sex with my girlfriend."

That was all that Alex needed to hear and she soon went back to what she was doing and was soon fumbling with the buttons of Olivia's shirt and soon with a little help from Liv she had finally got her shirt off. Alex moved her lips from Olivia's and placed a line of kisses along Liv's jaw line and collarbone and she only stopped when Olivia's bra obstructed her path.

"You are way too overdressed for this."

Olivia smiled, "I could say the same about you, what are you going to do about it councilor?"

Olivia was answered with Alex pulling her up off the bed and into a deep, passionate kiss and with her free hand she unclasped Olivia's bra and threw it into the growing pile of clothes on the floor. Olivia took advantage of the opportunity and grabbed at the hem of Alex's tshirt and quickly pulled it off over her head, she was pleasantly surprised to see that Alex wasn't wearing a bra. After laying Olivia back on the bed Alex marveled at the somewhat naked body in front of her, they had made love before, but this time Alex took her time memorizing the body of her lover. They resumed kissing and once again Alex moved down Olivia's jaw line leaving a line of kiss in her wake. Soon she got down Olivia's shoulder and to the scar that marked the spot that Olivia had been shot; Alex kissed the area around the scar and noticed that when she did Olivia flinched. Thinking she had hurt Alex immediately stopped, "babe what's wrong did I hurt you?"

"No its fine." Under normal circumstances Liv was a pretty good liar, but the single tear that ran down her cheek gave her away. Alex brushed away the tear, "hey talk to me, what just happened?"

"It's ugly."

"What's ugly?"

"The scar."

"You think that that scar changes how I feel about you. Look at me, I think that every part of you is beautiful and that scar is a part of you and besides I told before, I think scars are sexy." Olivia smiled and laughed a little. "Liv, do you know why

I think scars are beautiful and sexy."

"Enlighten me."

Alex bent down to where the scar was and kissed it, "because they show strength and they stand as a constant reminder as to how fragile life is. When you have scars it means that you survived something, that many people don't live through. I happen to think your scars are especially sexy because they are a part of you and" Alex spoke in between kisses that she applied across Olivia's chest, "every…part…of…you…is…beautiful."

Alex continued kissing Olivia slowly, making sure that she was comfortable and that no more tears were streaming down her face.

"Alex your teasing me now."

Alex smiled, "Now my dear detective if I was teasing you I would do this," Alex kissed Olivia's neck right below her ear, "and this," this time she kissed the other side of her neck, "ok so maybe I am teasing you, but I think your enjoying it all the same."

"I don't remember saying to stop teasing me."

With a smile Alex resumed her kissing, but this time started kissing down Olivia's chest to her breasts. While her right hand covered Olivia's right breast her mouth was occupied with sucking her already erect nipple on her left breast. She slid her tongue over the nipple and would occasionally run her teeth over the now hardened nub; this action elicited a deep moan from Olivia that drove Alex crazy. Eventually Alex shifted her attention to Olivia's other breast. As she repeated her actions she slowly kissed her way down Olivia's stomach and was soon met with the obstacle of Olivia's blue jeans. Alex made quick work of the button and fly and with only minor difficulties managed to wiggle Olivia out of her jeans and underwear and without caring where they landed Alex threw them on the floor, thus adding to the growing pile of clothes. Alex once again took in the sight before her and was stunned at how beautiful Olivia was. Alex quickly found Olivia's lips and after several deep kisses she slowly moved down Olivia's jaw line and started applying hickies to Olivia neck and as she did that her hand traced a path down Olivia's stomach until she reached Olivia's sex. Alex could feel how wet Liv was and she slowly started to trace her outer lips with her finger, every swipe of her finger sent intense waves of desire through Olivia's body and she just couldn't take the teasing anymore.

"Al….Alex?" She could barely form the words above a whisper.

"What baby?"

"I need….I need."

"What Liv," Alex whispered in Olivia's ear, "tell me what you need."

"I need ….you inside me, please.

"As you wish." Slowly Alex inserted two fingers into Olivia as she slowly kissed her way down to her bare breasts. Olivia bucked her hips against Alex's touch trying to get Alex deeper into her, but Alex kept her even pace and whispered in Liv's ear, "ah ah ah detective, patience." Alex added a third finger and continued rhythmically thrusting in and out of Olivia, each thrust caused Olivia to moan, each time a little louder. "Alex, Alex, deeper, faster." Once again Alex wasn't sure if that was a command or a request, but ether way she gave Olivia what she wanted and picked up speed. The faster her fingers moved in and out Olivia's sex, the louder her moans got and Alex could tell she was close. Without removing her hand Alex abandoned Olivia's breast and turned her attention back to kissing her lover. Between kisses Olivia managed to choke out a few words, "Alex, please….so close." Knowing how close Olivia was to climaxing Alex added her thumb into the mix and started softly stroking her lover's swollen clit. Alex could feel how close Olivia was, but she was still holding back, "Liv, look at me, I want to see you." Olivia slowly opened her eyes and caught the icy blue gaze of her lover. In a low husky voice Alex whispered, "I've got you, it's ok, let go Liv, let go for me." As soon as the words were spoken Alex could feel Olivia's muscles tighten around her hand and soon her body was shaking with the tremors of her orgasm. Alex slowly withdrew her fingers and snuggled into Olivia's side.

After a few moments of silence Olivia tried to speak, but found it rather difficult under the circumstances, "Lex that was….I've never…that was..." Alex couldn't help but laugh at Olivia stuttering, "will wonders never seize, I have rendered Olivia Benson speechless."

"Well, you may have won round one councilor, but now it's your turn." With one swift motion Olivia flipped Alex over so that she was now laying flat on the bed with Olivia hovering over her.

"Liv you don't have to do that."

"I want to Alex, I need to taste you." And with that Olivia continued kissing her lover, slowly moving her kisses down her neck and collarbone to where her breasts lay waiting. Olivia dragged the tip of her tongue in a circle around the sensitive tip causing it to become harder and more sensate to her touch. She took the breast in her hand and lightly pinched Alex's nipple between her thumb and forefinger which caused Alex to sharp inhale and then moan into the sensation. Olivia let go of the nipple and ran her tongue over the inflamed nub soothing it and gently sucking on it. Olivia repeated the action to Alex's other breast and was soon making her way down her lover's body. Olivia was met with the same obstacle as Alex, when she came to the top of Alex's pants. Having very little patience at this point Olivia fumbled with the button, but with a little help from Alex, she soon had Alex's pants and underwear off and out of her way. Once the obstacle was dealt with Olivia had an unobstructed path to Alex's sex. Olivia remembered how Alex had teased her before and now was her chance at payback. Olivia placed soft kisses on the inside of Alex's thighs, each kiss closer to her wet, aching sex. Alex couldn't take the prolonged agony any longer, "Liv that's not fair."

Olivia smirked at Alex's comment, "all's fair in love and war babe."

Alex couldn't stand her own frustration anymore, "fuck war, I need you now."

"What do we say councilor?"

"Please Liv, I need you."

Alex didn't need to say another word as Olivia had already started to lick her outer lips, all the while slowly pushing one finger into Alex's core. Olivia plunged her tongue deeper into Alex's fold causing Alex to move and buck her hips from the sensation. Olivia reached up and set her hand on Alex's abdomen to steady her lover's movements and resumed her actions. Adding a second finger Olivia continued to explore Alex with her tongue, flicking her tongue over her sensitive clit, causing Alex to gasp and her breathing to quicken. Alex begged for Olivia to go deeper an Olivia happily obliged, pushing her fingers further inside her lover, touching the one spot that she know drove Alex crazy. Alex was holding onto Olivia's head for support and was slowly pushing Olivia's tongue further into her core. With every flick of her tongue and every thrust of her fingers Alex's breathing got quicker and more labored, she bucked her hips harder against Olivia and Liv knew she was so close. Olivia knew the one thing that would put over the top and so she slowly removed her tongue from Alex's folds and latched her mouth onto her clit. Olivia flicked it with her tongue once and then sucked on it lightly, this one action sent Alex over the edge and her entire body was engulfed in a powerful orgasm. Olivia rode out the aftershocks of Alex's orgasm and lapped up the juices that were still flowing freely from her lover's core. With a satisfied grin on her face Olivia crawled back up to Alex and pulled her into a deep, passionate kiss. "I love tasting me one your lips."

Olivia smiled, "Well I love the way you taste, so I say that is a win-win situation my dear.

Soon both women collapsed on the bed, completely exhausted from their activities. Alex grabbed the blanket from the bottom of the bed and threw it over them. She quickly snuggled into Olivia's uninjured side and in a matter of moments both women fell asleep.

**Next chapter Olivia meets the rest of the Cabot clan. Should prove to be interesting, want to see what happens, you know what to do, reviews are my crack. **


	20. Meet The Cabots Part 1

**Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter. The Cabot family part is going to be a multi-chapter adventure so stay with me, here is part one, enjoy.**

Alex was woken up by her empty stomach growling. As she got up out of bed she was careful to move slowly so as not to wake Olivia. She quickly threw on a tank top and boxer shorts and before she slipped out of the room she kissed the top of Olivia's head and made her way downstairs. She excused the cooking staff for the day; she liked cooking breakfast and when her family arrived they would be making use of the grill outside. Alex grabbed the eggs, bacon and bread and put everything on the counter and quickly busied herself with making breakfast for her and Olivia. She had no idea what time her sister was planning on showing up, but as soon as she put the bacon in the skillet she heard people at the door and soon Alex's leg was tackled by her four year old niece.

"Aunt Alex!" The little girl squealed as she ran into the kitchen, followed closely by her parents and baby brother.

Alex scooped the little girl up in her arms and gave her a kiss, "Hey munchkin how is my favorite niece today?"

"I'm your only niece."

"And by default you're my favorite."

Are you making breakfast, can I help, can I can I can I?"

"I can't make it on my own, grab the bread and you can put butter on the toast after I get it out of the toaster ok." The little girl grabbed the bread from the counter and anxiously waited to help her aunt. Alex flipped over the bacon and quickly gave her sister and brother in law a hug trying hard not to burn the food.

"Alex why are you cooking without your glasses on, you know you can't see well without them?"

"Thanks mom."

"Don't call me that, and come give me a proper hug, I feel cheated out of a proper hello, am I not more important to you then breakfast meat." Alex smiled and turned off the burner and wrapped her arms around her sister.

"Better?"

"Much, but seriously let me go get your glasses from upstairs." Before Kim could move her daughter ran past her, "I'll get them." Before Alex could stop her niece she was half way up the stairs. Alex buried her face in her hands and her sister started to laugh. "What are you so worried about she'll be right back?"

"I know I just really hope Olivia woke up and put a shirt on."

Kim turned toward her sister with a huge grin on her face, "first of all is this the Olivia that old mom off and second why would she not have a shirt on?"

Upstairs Olivia had got gotten out of the shower and had thrown on some shorts and a tank top. She walked out of the bathroom while putting her hair up in a ponytail and was soon met with a the sight of a four year old standing near the night stand holding Alex's glasses in her hand. After a few moments of awkward silence the child spoke, "your pretty."

Olivia laughed and knelt down to the child's level, the young girl was a carbon copy of Alex, "thank you, now you must be Alex's niece."

The child grinned, "yep she is my auntie and my name is Lily and I'm four year old and I have a baby brother named Matthew and he is three months old and I like the color pink."

Olivia was amazed that the child got all that out in one breath. "Well, my name is Olivia and I like the color red." Olivia hoped the child wouldn't pick up on the fact that she ignored how old she is and the question of siblings.

"How old are you?" Yep this was definitively Alex's niece, that kid didn't miss a beat.

"Older than you."

"Aunt Alex says the same thing when I ask her that, why do older people do that?"

"Because after the age of thirty we stop counting. It's kind of rule among us old people."

The child laughed, " your not old, my grandma is old, your pretty."

"Well your grandma is a lot of things and you just made my day. Where is your aunt at anyway?"

"Making breakfast with my mommy and daddy. Are going to eat with us Livia?"

"You bet I'm starving. Race you downstairs?"

" Ok, but I'm really fast." The child took off down the hall, but Olivia caught up with her and picked the child up around the waist and fireman carried her down the stairs.

"Hey no fair, why did you do that?"

"It's another one of those old people rules I told you about, no running down stairs, you could break something."

"I think you're making those up."

"Honest to God, ask your aunt and mom." Just at that moment the entered the kitchen and Alex and her sister laughed at Olivia holding Lily over her shoulder.

"Hey babe, you know your niece was around here somewhere, but now I cannot seem to find her?"

The child did not find the humor in the situation and squealed, "I'm right here."

Olivia pulled the child off her shoulder and out her on the ground, "there you are I thought I had lost you."

The child was clearly confused, "is this another one of those old people things again, misplacing children?"

"Lily." Her mother tried to scold her through her muffled laughter, but it wasn't working.

Olivia laughed and stood up, "don't blame her I called myself old and I think it caught on, you must be Kimberly." Olivia extended her hand to Alex's sister who quickly shook it.

"And you must be Olivia," Kim turned behind her, "this is my husband Keith and our son Matthew, I apologize if my daughter woke you up and then forgot her manners."

"Please don't worry I was up and dressed anyway, besides she told me I was pretty twice so I think her manners are still there." Olivia walked over to Alex and wrapped her arms around her waist, lightly kissing the base of her neck, "are you making me breakfast?"

"No I am making us breakfast."

"And I am helping make the toast." Lily interjected.

"Well, toast is my favorite." Olivia grabbed the plates and helped Kim set the table.

"You have quite the precocious kid there Kim."

"Please don't remind me, I don't know where she got it from, all of a sudden one day she starts talking like she is 13. Alex did the same thing when she was a kid so I guess I should have seen it coming."

Alex set the food down on the table, "Are you two talking about me behind my back?"

Olivia smiled, "would you feel better if we did it in front of you?" She gave Alex a quick peck on the lips and went to grab the silverware. The kiss, however brief, elicited a reaction from Lily, "ewwwww, why did you do that?"

"Lily, stop that and come sit down."

"But they was kissing."

"Thank you for the newsflash Lily, I saw that, but there isn't anything wrong with it."

The child dropped the subject for a while and everyone started to eat, but she soon grew tired of the silence and brought up a new line of questions, "So are you guys lesbians or what?"

Alex and Olivia both chocked on their juice and Kim spit her's out.

Keith was the only person still able to speak, "Lily, manners."

"What, mom said if I had questions to ask. Aunt Alex is a girl and livia is a girl and they kissed, doesn't that mean they are lesbians?"

Kim looked to her sister and nodded her approval so Alex called the little girl over to her and pulled her up on her lap. "Ok Lily where did you learn that word?"

"The dictionary. So are you one?"

Alex smiled, "yes lily I am and I'm dating Olivia, do you understand what that means?"

"You love her right?"

"I do, very much."

"Ok." Lily hopped down from Alex's lap and walked over to Olivia and tugged on her sleeve to get her attention.

"Will you be my aunt now too?"

Olivia was shocked at the question and didn't know what to say, she looked at Alex who had tears in her eyes and then she quickly looked at Kim who smiled.

"Do you want me to be your aunt?"

"You're funny and pretty and you make Aunt Alex smile a lot so I think you'd be a good auntie."

"Then I would love to be your aunt."

The whole group finished breakfast without anymore interruptions and everyone got settled in their rooms while Alex and Olivia got dressed for the day. Olivia made it down stairs first and found Kim in the kitchen.

"Hey where did the rest of your family disappear to?"

"Keith just put Matthew down for a nap, Lily is coloring and I am enjoying the quiet."

"Oh, I can leave and let you enjoy the quiet if you want."

"No, no, don't be silly I actually wanted to talk to you."

"Oh, ok, I'm all ears."

"I'm sorry about Lily, she does not have a filter and she is just way too smart for her age."

"Please don't apologize for her, she's a great kid."

"I also want to apologize for my mother's behavior when you were in the hospital. You saved my sister's life and don't think I can ever thank you enough for that. My mother can really be a horrible person and I am so sorry you had to deal with her so soon after getting shot. I'm sure getting shot was the more pleasurable experience."

""It's ok, I just wish Alex wasn't so hurt by what she said."

"Mother and Alex have never had a good relationship and it got worse when she came out. Dad didn't treat her differently at all and mom disowned her, literally."

"She did what?"

"Alex never told you that?"

"Never."

"Crap, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything."

"No please, tell me."

"Not much to tell, after mom found out she wrote Alex out of her will, but daddy refused to do the same to his. Mom was the last to find out about Alex and we all knew she would pop a vein over it, we just never thought she would go that far. Don't feel too bad, she wrote me out too."

"Why you too? What did you do?"

"I stood by my sister. I told mother that if she wanted to be a hateful person that was her doing, I love my sister and I wasn't going to let her go through that alone. I was the first person Alex told she was gay and she was 14 years old and she thought I was going to hate her, which of course was insane, but I knew when mom found out it would be all out war and it was."

Olivia was truly heartbroken for Alex. She stood up and walked over to Kim and hugged her. "What was that for?"

"For loving her as much as you do and supporting her."

"She's my baby sister; you never have to thank me for loving her, if anything I should be hugging and thanking you. You saved my sister's life twice. Thank you for not making me go to another funeral."

":Anytime."

"So from what I hear you and my sister are pretty serious, is that true?"

"Yeah it is."

"Good, because I have never seen her this happy, ever. You make her smile, you protect her, your funny, smart, and you clearly have impressed my four year old so as far as I can tell, you're a close to perfect as one woman can get."

"I'm not perfect."

Alex finally entered the room and added her two cents, "do I get a vote?"

"You're biased, your sleeping with her Alex."

"So, I think still think she's perfect."

Kim fake gagged, "gross get a room."

"Before we gross anyone else out I'm going to go grab the last of our things from the car ok babe."

Once Olivia was safely out the door, Alex turned to her sister, "ok so what do you think?"

"I really love her Alex, she clearly makes you happy and she's won Lily over, if she can put up with mother and put her in her place she has my vote for sainthood."

"You think the rest of the family will like her?"

"If they have functioning eyes and brains they will, relax Alex, she's wonderful and I think she'll fit into this family rather nicely. Now I better go make sure Matthew isn't gibing Keith a hard time and you better start marinating the steaks because that looks like Uncle Bill's car out front."


	21. Meet The Cabots Part 2

**This chapter is freakishly long, but my writer block is gone and now I can't stop writing. Hope you guys enjoy.**

Alex quickly fixed her hair and made her way to the door to help her arriving family with their bags. Alex opened the door to find Olivia still digging things out of their car and she had yet to realize that more of Alex's family had showed up. Alex walked up to Olivia and had her leave the bags and took her by the hand, leading her over to where her uncle's car was now parked. Four people got out of the car and were unloading bags from the back. Once everyone had their bag in their hand they made their way to the house and toward the place where Alex and Olivia now stood. Alex's Aunt Carol was the first to drop her bag at her feet and pull her niece in for a hug.

"Alexandra, it's so good to see you, so all it takes is a near death experience to drag you to a family function."

"It's good to see you too Aunt Carol and you know that the only reason I never showed up to anything before is because mother was there."

"Well, good thing she wasn't invited then and who is this lovely lady." Turning to Olivia, Carol stuck out her hand, "Carol Cabot." Olivia shook the older woman's hand, "Olivia Benson."

The smile on Alex's aunt's face changed into a shocked grin, "wait, not the same Olivia Benson that saved our Alexandra?"

"I wouldn't say I saved her, but I guess that's me." Barely able to get out the last word, Olivia was quickly pulled into a very tight hug with Carol Cabot. "Don't be so modest dear; it's not every person willing to sacrifice their life for someone else. Thank you for protecting Alexandra."

"Anytime ma'am."

"None of that ma'am stuff; call me Carol. With any luck Alexandra won't drag her feet with you and eventually we will be family. Speaking of family, I should quit hogging you and introduce the rest of this caravan, this is my husband Bill." A tall man stepped forward from the group of people and shook Olivia's hand, "so you are the young lady that my niece just can't stop talking about."

"If I had known her entire family was going to compliment me so much I would have insisted on meeting you all sooner. It's a pleasure to meet you and your family your honor."

"Please call me Bill and it's an honor to meet my niece's own personal body guard. Be prepared to be treated like a hero, everyone in this family has been dying to meet you and thank you for what you did for Alexandra."

"I'm no hero sir."

"Nonsense. Now before you go saying that anyone else would have done the same thing, save it. Now, this lovely woman behind me is my sister Diana and her husband Peter."

Olivia shook everyone's hands and helped them inside with their bags. Alex grabbed the few bags still in the car and followed the group into the house. Before she stepped into the house her Aunt Carol grabbed her arm and pulled her in close to her.

"Listen to me and listen to me good Alexandra, if you let this girl go it will be the stupidest thing you ever did, understood."

"Understood." And with a huge grin on her face Alex joined her family in the house. Alex and Olivia put the bags in the other bedrooms and went back downstairs to visit with the newly arrived members of Alex's family. Everyone got settled in the kitchen and Olivia made drinks for the whole gang. Curious to get to know her niece's girlfriend better Diana was the first to question Olivia.

"So Olivia, Alex already told us that you're a detective in the SVU squad, but she has told us little else."

"What do want to know about me, I don't think I'm that interesting, but I'll tell you whatever you want to know."

"Well, what do your parents do?"

Alex got a worried look on her face and was quick to look at Olivia; the look in her eyes told Olivia that she could just avoid the question if she didn't want to. Olivia squeezed Alex's hand and decided to answer the question, "my mother was an English professor at Sienna College."

"Impressive, does she still teach?"

Alex winced at the question and the twitch didn't go unnoticed by her family, but before Alex could intervene Olivia answered, "she actually died last year."

"Oh dear, I'm so sorry, sometimes I am too nosey for my own good." Before her Aunt could ask about her father, Alex grabbed a pad of paper and quickly wrote in big black letters 'DO NOT ASK ABOUT HER FATHER' and held the note behind Olivia's head. Thankfully Carol saw it and guided the conversation in another direction, "well I understand that you had the great misfortune of meeting my sister in law while you were still in the hospital. I'm sure getting shot was more fun than dealing with her."

"You're the second person to say that. She wasn't that bad, I just wish I could have stopped her before she hurt Alex's feelings." Alex wrapped her arms around Olivia's waist. "I just told her that unless she changed her tune she would no longer be welcome in our family. I'd like to think that one day she will realize how much she is hurting Alex and I hope that she realizes that unconditional love means just that, but if that day never comes, I have no problems leaving her out of our lives."

Everyone nodded in agreement. Peter walked up and kissed both women on the cheek, "listen, even if Char never gets off her high horse you are more than welcome to share your lives with us. Now if we are done with talking about people we don't like I am ready to unpack my bag and get the grill fired up."

Bill and Peter headed upstairs, leaving their wives in the kitchen with Olivia and Alex.

"So when is the rest of the family getting here."

Carol thought about it, "Well, Emily and Thomas should be here in about half an hour, they left right after we did and Junior and Astrid should be here well now."

Diana jumped in, "Then David and Gina's plane is getting in right about know so they should be here in about an hour and I think the same goes for Michael and Allison."

Olivia was now very confused as to the names of the remaining Cabot family members, "Do I get a cheat sheet to remember these people and their names?" Everyone laughed and Alex kissed the top of Olivia's head, "Poor baby, here I'll make it easy for you. So my cousins are Emily and Junior, who are Carol and Bill's children and then David and Michael, who are Diana and Peter's. Now here comes the hard part, Emily is married to Thomas they have one child, Samantha. Junior is married to Astrid and they have two children, William and Ethan. David is married to Gina, but they don't have children and Michael is married to Allison with two children, Rebecca and Amy, with one more on the way."

"What part of that was supposed to help me, now I have to remember children's names?"

"You will do fine dear, no one is going to quiz you to see if you remember them all at the end of the week."

"Well now that I am sufficiently confused I think I'm gonna go help your uncles with the grill and food. And maybe I write everything you just said down on my hand." Olivia leaned over and gave Alex a kiss before grabbing the steaks out of the fridge and the sunscreen of the counter. Once she was outside and out of earshot Alex turned to her aunts who both had huge grins on their face.

"What are you two smiling about?"

"Is this what we have to look forward to all week you two stealing kisses and giggling like love struck teenagers?"

"Very funny, but seriously you guys like her right?"

Diana took Alex's hands in hers, "Alexandra did you seriously think that we weren't going to like her. She saved your life, told you mother where to shove it and I haven't seen you smile like that since you were 14 years old."

Carol looked around the room, making sure no one was there, "so are you going to explain that little game of charades the steered the conversation away from the topic of her father, did he die or something."

Alex still wasn't sure if she should tell her family about Olivia's family, "her father is dead, but she should really tell you the rest herself."

Thankfully before anything else was said, two more cars appeared in the driveway so Alex ran outside to great her cousins and their families. Alex shouted up stairs, "Uncle Bill your children are here." With that she opened the front door and was tackled by her two youngest cousins.

"What is it with me being tackled by small children today?"

"Sorry Alex." Both little boys looked afraid that they had actually hurt their cousin.

"No big deal kiddos, but let's save the tackling for football later ok."

"Come on guys get off of Alex and go help you folks with the car." As the little boys ran off, Samantha helped Alex up off the ground, "hey Alex."

"Hey yourself, when did you get so big? The last time I saw you, you were 13 years old and had braces on."

"Well, now I'm 16 and braces free."

"Shouldn't you be helping your parents unload the car."

"No dice, we had a huge blow out on the way up here and we haven't talked for the last two hours. Can I sleep in the pool house, please?"

"Of course you can, do you want to talk about?"

"Can we do it later; I'm kind of drained from the trip?"

"Sure honey, we'll come get you when we throw the food on." Alex hugged her younger cousin and kissed the top of her head.

"Thanks Alex." And with that the teen walked into the house, greeting her grandparents at the door, but then making her way to the backyard. Alex figured it best to leave the girl alone for a while and she would talk to her later.

Alex watched her younger cousins run into the house and greet their grandparents, leaving the rest of the luggage to their parents. Alex went over to see if she could help them with the bags. Emily was carrying three bags so Alex quickly grabbed one, "you do realize that you can make more than one trip right Em."

"Funny Alex. I'll hug you when I can put this crap down. Samantha just took off with only her bag, so we are left with everything else."

"She told me you had it out in the car."

"That is putting it mildly. I have no idea what is bothering her and she won't talk to me or to Tom."

"I'll talk to her later ok. Just give her some space to cool off, ok?"

"I guess so, anyway on to happier, less moody news, where is this hero girlfriend of yours?"

"Outside starting up the grill up. Let me get everyone together before you all go outside and complete freak her out."

"We aren't that scary, well at least not yet, I haven't had anything to drink yet."

"No repeats of Christmas 1996."

"I do karaoke in my bra once and you will never let me forget it."

"Neither will I." Thomas picked this moment to walk into the conversation. "Hey Alex." He kissed Alex on the cheek and walked in the house with his wife.

Alex walked over to the other new car in the driveway and saw Junior try to carry most of the baggage his children conveniently forgot to grab, "you ok in there JR?"

"Hey Alex, can you grab that bag of pool stuff?"

"Got it, you got the rest?"

"I think so, babe do have our bags?"

From the other side of the car Alex could hear Astrid cursing at the bags. "I'll come back for the last one JR, or better yet I will have the boys come get it. Hey, Alex." Alex hugged her cousin, or at tried to with all the stuff in her arms it proved to be difficult.

"Come on let's get you guys settled in the house. We can come back later for anything you forgot." JR finally closed the back of the car and followed his wife and cousin inside.

Alex followed everyone upstairs and got them all settled in. She then quickly ran down stairs and outside to tell Olivia to come inside for a minute to meet people.

"I'll be right there babe, let me finish this marinade."

Alex walked into the kitchen to find everyone but the children standing around with a drink in their hand talking and laughing. Alex mingled with her family and finally got to give everyone proper hellos and hugs. After a few minutes Olivia came in from outside and called out for Alex.

"Lexi, baby, the steaks will be ready in about an hour, just tell me when to put them…" Olivia trailed off when she saw a kitchen full of Cabot's that had by now fallen silent.

Alex walked over to Liv and grabbed her hand, "perfect timing babe. Ok, so everyone this is Olivia, Liv this everyone."

Feeling bad for Olivia and remembering what it was like to meet the whole family herself Astrid spoke up, "Christ Alex, the poor woman is in shock, give her names to put with the faces."

"Sorry, ok so from the right we have JR and his wife Astrid, and then we have Emily and then Thomas is over there by the bar. Everyone else should be here in the next half hour or so."

"Better thanks babe." Alex let go of Olivia's hand to go check on the younger members of the family.

Astrid walked up to Olivia and handed her a beer, "you look like you could use this. This family in one room is a little daunting the first time, alcohol helps."

Olivia laughed, "I have a feeling you and I are going to get along really well, now your Astrid right, which means that Junior is your husband and Ethan and William are your children."

"Jesus Christ did Alex give you flash cards."

"I wish, she told an hour ago and I went outside and practiced while I got the food ready."

"Not bad for short notice. Now Alex tells us you're a police officer."

"Detective actually, but yeah I work in the same squad as Alex."

"That must be hard, seeing what you see every day."

"It's hard sometimes, but someone has to do it and when I can actually get justice for someone that makes it worthwhile."

"You got guts girl, I can barely handle my job and I'm a real estate agent."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better I think your job is harder than mine given the present state of the economy."

"True, but oh well, at least I don't get shot at."

"Take my advice, avoid getting shot, it hurts like a bitch."

"That's right you took those bullets for Alex, looks like we have a hero in the family."

Olivia smiled when Astrid said in the family, "I just did my job."

"Uh huh sure. Well it appears that there is a line to meet you so I should give up my spot to someone else, holler if you want another beer."

Just as Astrid stepped away, both Thomas and JR stepped forward, "so you're dating Alex." JR always was a man to get to the point.

"Yeah I am."

"You love her?"

"With everything I am."

"You gonna break her heart?"

"I think I'd rather die first."

Both men looked at each other and then Thomas, in a very serious tone, "Ok then we just have one more question for you…Yankees or Mets?"

"Yankees."

Both men started laughing and smiling, "we just had to make sure you were right for our cousin and now we know you can come to games with us."

"So I passed your test?"

"With flying colors. Plus lets be real, you have a gun and a license to kill, did you really expect us to not like you."

"Well you never know, Charlotte doesn't like me too well."

"Aunt Char doesn't really like anyone, that stick up her ass makes it hard to express feelings." The three of them talked for another 15 min about sports and work and what not and soon Olivia heard Alex call from up stairs, "Hey babe David just called they are about ten minutes out so can you start the food and throw on the steaks."

"Got it babe. You two fine gentlemen want to help me with the grill?"

"Led the way." By this point most of the family had gathered outside, the adults sitting around relaxing and talking, the lids in the pool. Olivia, Tom and JR stood around the grill and argued how best to cook the steaks. Alex smiled when she saw that; Olivia didn't have to try, she just fit into her family. Soon the remaining family members showed up and joined everyone outside. When the food was just about ready Alex asked Olivia to go get Samantha out of the pool house. Olivia handed the grill over to Tom and JR and went to search for the teenager. She knocked on the pool house door, but heard nothing so she went in.

"Samantha." Olivia saw the young girl on the couch reading with her ear phones in. Not wanting to scare her Olivia flicked the lights on and off to get her attention and it worked.

"Sorry I couldn't hear anything."

"No problem, Alex sent me in here to tell you that food is ready."

"That must make you the new girlfriend, Olivia."

"You've heard of me."

"All good things, Alex really loves you."

"Well, I really love you her too. You gonna come join us or are you going to keep hiding in here."

"How did you know I was hiding?"

"Because I did the same thing when I was 16 and wanted to get away from my mother."

"I just don't want to be around them right now, is that awful?"

"No, family time can be over whelming. I'll make you a deal though. If you come outside and eat, you can sit next to me and you don't have to hang out with your parents."

"What is the catch?"

"Later, when you feel comfortable talking about it, you come talk to me or Alex about what's eating you. Deal?"

"Deal."

As promised Sam sat in between Alex and Olivia and stayed away from her parents. Dinner conversation was filled with sports talk, family stories and the occasional mention of politics. As the children grew restless they ran off to go play and Olivia followed them. Soon she was being tackled by all the children and she was rolling on the ground playing games with them. Alex and her family smiled at the sight, not only had Liv won over the adults, but the kids all liked her. After a few hours passed it began to get cold so everyone moved inside. Sam told Olivia she would talk to her tomorrow and disappeared once again into the pool house.

While most of the adults went into the dining room, Kimberly went to go put Matthew to bed. Olivia could hear the baby crying and soon Kim appeared in the doorway of the kitchen asking her husband to come help her, the baby was still screaming in her arms.

Liv jumped up from the table, "let me try."

"Be my guest, but be warned he isn't wild about strangers." No sooner had she said the words and placed the baby in Olivia's arms then he stopped crying and snuggled into Olivia's chest.

"How did you do that?"

"Magic touch. I'll put him down go be with your family." Olivia took the baby into the living room where the younger kids were watching a movie.

Kim sat down with the rest of the family, "Alex you need to keep her, nobody has ever been able to do that with Matt before, it takes ten minutes for him to calm down with me. She really has a way with children."

"They don't call her the angel of SVU for nothing. She has always had this way with children. Her partner at work has five children and sometime she even shows him up, she just understands children and knows how to comfort them and show them that not all adults are going to hurt them. She wants to give other kids the chance she never got."

Everyone looked up from their coffee and dessert. Carol was the first one to say something, "What do you mean Alexandra? Did something happen to her when she was young?"

Alex knew this information should really come from Olivia, but this way it saved an awkward conversation later.

"You could say that. She told you her mother was a professor, well before she taught at Sienna, she was a student there. One night her mother was walking back to her apartment from the library and she was attacked from behind. He attacker raped her and took off. Nine months later Liv was born. Her mother couldn't stand that she was a constantly reminder of what happened to her so she drank, heavily. Soon the alcohol took over and she became abusive and took it out of Olivia. Liv couldn't ask for help or fight back until she was a teenager and by then the damage was done. She joined SVU to give women like her mother justice and to give kids the help she never got."

Alex looked up at the stunned faces of her family. Diana spoke first, "Oh my God Alexandra, I...I'm so sorry we brought it up earlier."

"It's ok you needed to know and now it's out there and we can forget I said anything."

Alex cousin Allison, spoke up, "does she want to have children of her own Alex?"

"I know she does, but she's afraid of how they would turn out, she's afraid of repeating her mother's bad parenting or of passing down some mutated DNA."

"Alex she is great with kids, just remind her of that and of how great she turned out, biology doesn't always dictate our futures, hell, if it did think how different your life would be."

Alex laughed because she knew Allison was right. David got up from the table to go check on the kids because it got really quiet in the living room all of a sudden. He returned a few moments later with a huge grin on his face.

"Alex, have you and Liv ever thought about having kids of your own?"

"At some point, sure, why?"

"Because I don't think she has to worry about being a good mother. You all need to come look in the living room."

Everyone got up from the table and went into the living room. Everyone stood still except Alex who moved to turn off the TV. Tears rolled down her cheek and everyone else's at the sight in front of them. Lying on the couch was a sleeping Olivia with Matthew sound asleep on her chest, Lily asleep in her lap, Ethan and William were asleep on the love seat and Rebecca was leaning against the couch asleep with Olivia's free arm wrapped around her and Amy was curled up in a ball at Olivia's feet. After everyone took a moment to compose themselves and of course take all the pictures one could ever hope to take, Kim moved to pick up Matthew from Olivia's chest, but Alex stopped her.

"Trust me, wake her up first or she will think someone is trying to attack the kids and you will lose that hand." Alex knelt down and kissed Liv on the forehead and gently rubbed her shoulder, "Liv, baby, wake up." Olivia slowly opened her eyes and realized that she had fallen asleep with the kids.

"Babe, before you move let us get the kids off you ok." Everyone grabbed their children and carried them upstairs, allowing Olivia to sit up still holding Matthew to her chest. Kim moved to take him.

"Do you mind if I put him down?"

"Of course not, go ahead." Olivia put the little baby boy in his crib and made her way back into the living room.

"Liv I think its past your bedtime. I think we are gonna hit the hay everyone. Goodnight."

Liv and Alex headed up stairs and before Alex could even get out of the bathroom, Liv was fast asleep on the bed, so Alex climbed in next to her, wrapped her arms around her and drifted off to sleep.

**Ok, so to break down that family tree we have:**

**Uncle Bill and Aunt Carol**

**Children: Junior(JR) and Emily**

**Junior is married to Astrid (Children: Ethan and William)**

**Emily is married to Tom (Children: Samantha)**

**Uncle Peter and Aunt Diana**

**Children: David and Michael **

**David is married to Gina (No Children)**

**Michael is married to Allison(pregnant) (Children: Amy and Rebecca)**

**Alex's sister Kimberly and her husband Keith (Children: Lily and Matthew)**


	22. Meet The Cabots Part 3

Olivia woke up at around 4 that next morning and as hard as she tried she couldn't fall back asleep. Not wanting to wake Alex she quietly slipped out of bed and went downstairs to make a pot of coffee. Once the coffee was finished brewing she poured herself a mug and brought it into the living room. Before she sat down on the couch, something outside caught her eye. When she looked closer Olivia could tell it was Samantha sitting on the dock. Olivia grabbed another mug of coffee and the blanket off the couch and went outside into the brisk morning air. As she got closer to the dock Olivia saw that the teen had Olivia's guitar in her hands, Olivia stopped a few feet away from the girl and stood still as the girl began to sing while playing the instrument.

_Turn it inside out so I can see  
The part of you that's drifting over me  
And when I wake you're never there  
But when I sleep you're everywhere  
You're everywhere_

Just tell me how I got this far  
Just tell me why you're here and who you are  
'Cause every time I look  
you're never there  
And every time I sleep  
you're always there

'Cause you're everywhere to me  
And when I close my eyes it's you I see  
You're everything I know  
that makes me believe  
I'm not alone  
I'm not alone

I recognize the way you make me feel  
It's hard to think that  
you might not be real  
I sense it now, the water's getting deep  
I try to wash the pain away from me  
Away from me

'Cause you're everywhere to me  
And when I close my eyes it's you I see  
You're everything I know  
that makes me believe  
I'm not alone  
I'm not alone

I am not alone  
Whoa, oh, oooh, oh

And when I touch your hand  
It's then I understand  
The beauty that's within  
It's now that we begin  
You always light my way  
I hope there never comes a day  
No matter where I go  
I always feel you so

'Cause you're everywhere to me  
And when I close my eyes it's you I see  
You're everything I know  
that makes me believe  
I'm not alone  
'Cause you're everywhere to me  
And when I catch my breath  
it's you I breathe  
You're everything I know  
that makes me believe  
I'm not alone

You're in everyone I see  
So tell me  
Do you see me?

The teen stopped playing and set the guitar down and just starred at the water. Olivia took a few more steps toward her, "I didn't think anyone else in this house could play the guitar."

Sam was clearly startled as she thought she was the only one awake, "I'm sorry I borrowed your guitar, I…I just…sorry."

Olivia sat down next to the girl, "don't apologize, I'm glad to know we have something in common. I don't know if you drink coffee, but I figured its better then freezing out here." Sam smiled and took the mug offered her, "thanks, it's not that cold, I like it when it's like this, it's quiet and you can think."

"Do you have a lot to think about?"

"I just have some heavy stuff going on right now and, I don't know, I guess it's just easier to talk to an body of water then a person."

"You know, I may not be a body of water, but I'm a pretty good listener. You could tell me what you're thinking about, or more to the point, _who_ you're thinking about."

The teen looked up at Olivia with a rather shocked expression, "how did you…?

"That song wasn't exactly subtle honey. Besides, you clearly don't want to tell your parents which means you're afraid of how they will react and you don't want to be around your extended family because maybe someone will ask. So it's easier for you to pick a fight and hide, that way no will bother you and you can internalize everything that you're feeling."

Samantha smiled and sipped her coffee, "they teach you psychology at the police academy?"

"Nope, I've just lived through a lot of pain and heart ache. I know what it's like to love someone so much it hurts, but I also know how scary it can be to feel that way about someone; you no longer have control over your emotions and you're afraid of what can happen."

"How did you get over that fear?"

"I took a chance, I let someone into my life and as scary as it was to let go and trust that other person, it was worth it."

"You really love Alex don't you?"

"From the moment I met her. Now, I can keep talking about love or you can tell me what is on your mind and why it is scaring you so much."

The teenager finished her coffee and pulled the blanket closer around her, almost trying to hide in it. "You're gonna think I'm nuts."

"Sweetie, loving someone doesn't make you crazy, it makes you human. So spill, do I get a name?"

Sam wanted to tell Olivia everything, but fear got the better of her and she pulled her legs up to her chest and started to cry. Olivia was naturally concerned and instinctively pulled the teenager close to her and gently rocked her back and forth until she calmed down. "Honey, I can't help you if you don't tell me what is going on, why are you so afraid?"

"My parents aren't going to understand; their gonna hate me."

"Listen peanut, granted I have known you parents for all of 24 hours, but they seem like nice people to me and I know they wouldn't hate you. Besides, whatever you tell me right now will stay between us, I won't even tell Alex."

"Really?"

"Really. So do you think that maybe you can tell me what has you so worked up, or maybe what their name is?"

Samantha swallowed hard, "Miranda."

All of a sudden Olivia realized why the girl was so afraid to talk about who it was she liked. "Is this the part where I'm supposed to be shocked and angry?"

"You aren't surprised?"

"No, do you want to talk about it?"

"Mom and dad would flip their shit if they found out."

"Honey, they seem to be open minded people, I mean they treat Alex and I like we are any other couple. If they don't care that we're gay, I doubt they will be mad at you for it."

"It's really easy to be open minded and accepting when it isn't your child. When it's your kid, everything changes. All of a sudden every dream you had for them is out the window and all you're left with a copy of the book "Now That You Know". You aren't going to tell them are you?"

"I promised you that this stays between us didn't I. I never break promises."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. So, are you going to tell me about this Miranda girl or what?"

"She's a transfer student; we have the same classes together."

"Does she know you like her?"

"Uh huh."

"Does she like you back?"

"I don't think she would have asked me out of a date if she didn't."

"Look at you, getting yourself a date with the new girl."

"It's no big thing, just a movie."

"Does she make you happy?"

"I don't know what she makes me. It's like whenever I'm around her I just want to be near her and talk to her and when I'm away from her it hurts and I can't wait until I see her again, what do you call that?"

Olivia smirked and stood up, grabbing the blanket and two empty mugs, "you call that love peanut and you got it bad. Come on let's get you inside before you freeze.

Sam grabbed the guitar and followed Olivia back into the pool house. Sam climbed on the bed and got under the covers. Before Olivia walked out the door Sam stopped her.

"Olivia?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do you call me peanut?"

"I don't know, I guess everyone deserves a nickname."

"I like it and Olivia?"

"You can call me Liv, but what?"

"Could you stay in here with me? You don't have to, but I…well, I guess, I'm just…"

"Feeling kind of vulnerable?"

"Yeah and being around you makes me feel safe."

Olivia climbed into the bed next to Sam and soon the teenager was snuggled into her side. Soon both women had fallen back asleep. Alex woke up at 8 to find an empty bed. When she went downstairs there was coffee, but it was clearly a few hours old. Olivia wasn't in the main house so Alex looked outside and saw two mugs sitting on the patio table. Alex walked over to the pool house and quietly opened the door and soon found where Olivia had ended up. Alex smiled when she saw her cousin and her girlfriend sound asleep, Olivia was propped up against the head board and Sam had her arms wrapped around her and was firmly attached to her side. Alex assumed that Sam had trusted Olivia enough to let her in and tell her what was bothering her and that made Alex happy. She closed the door and went back into the house and found Emily in the kitchen.

"Morning, how did you sleep?"

"Pretty good, minus Tom's snoring. How about you?"

"Good, Liv doesn't snore."

"Go ahead rub it in. Where is Miss wonderful anyway?"

"In the pool house with your daughter."

"How did she end up in there?"

"My best guess is that Samantha trusted her with what is bothering her and they fell asleep."

"At least she is taking to someone, do you think Liv can help her?"

"If anyone can handle it its Liv, give it time I'm sure she will come talk to you eventually."

"I trust Liv, she seems to know what she is doing. She's a good catch Alex, not that many people can jump right into this family and fit in so perfectly, it's like she is the missing piece of the puzzle, now the family is whole."

Alex smiled because Emily was right; it was like Olivia was always meant to be a Cabot.

**Brief, I know, but I wanted to concentrate on this dynamic for a minute before we went back to the whole big family. The song is Everywhere by Michelle Branch. Any ideas for the family storyline or anything you want to see happen let me know in reviews. Thanks to all that have reviewed so far.**


	23. Meet The Cabots Part 4

**Glad everyone liked the last chapter; there will be a few more chapters with Alex's family and then a few with just our girls before they head home. Hope this chapter lives up to expectations. There are bits from Undercover and PTSD in this one so beware.**

Finally at about ten Olivia woke up and soon remembered that she wasn't in bed with Alex, but had fallen asleep in Samantha's bed with the teen sound asleep against her side. Olivia very carefully got out of the bed and without waking the teenager made her way out the door and into the main house. She heard Alex and her cousin in the kitchen and made her way in there hoping to find breakfast.

Olivia walked into the kitchen and snuck up behind Alex and quickly wrapped her arms around her waist and kissed the base of her neck, "morning babe." Alex turned around to return the kiss, "Good morning yourself, what happened to you last night?"

"I woke up and couldn't sleep, I think Sam had the same problem so we hung out and talked."

Emily jumped into the conversation upon hearing her daughter's name, "so she did talk to you?"

"She didn't say much, but I think she just needed someone to talk to that is slightly removed from the situation. And without telling you what she said, she's fine, she isn't sick or hurt or anything like that, just some teen drama that is getting the better of her."

"I'm glad that she talked to you I just wish she could come talk to me."

"She will, just let you know that she can talk to you and just promise her that you will hear her out before you react."

"When did you get to be such a good parent detective?"

Olivia smiled, "easy, I just do the opposite of my mother and we're good."

"Well, Olivia for what it's worth, if your mother raised you, she must have done something right. Now I'm going to go see if the boys are back from the market yet they were supposed to pick up food while they were out." Emily grabbed her coffee and walked out of the kitchen. Alex grabbed her mug and sat down at the table with Olivia.

"So Sam talked you."

"Yeah she did and before you ask I promised her that she could talk you when she is ready."

"I trust you, if something was wrong you would tell us, past that she can tell me when she wants to. You do realize that my family now officially likes you more than me."

"They do not Alex."

"I'm serious, Sam trusts you, all the kids fell asleep on you last night, which was the cutest thing ever. My cousins think you're great, my aunts and uncles want to adopt you and I happen to think you're pretty great."

"They really like me Alex, you aren't just saying that so I won't feel bad."

"Baby all of them have told me that if I ever let you go it would be the dumbest thing I ever did. I think saying they like you is an understatement."

"I'm glad they like me, cuz I'm pretty found of them too. To win extra points I am going to go help them unload the groceries, ok." Olivia stood up from the table and kissed Alex before heading outside. Everyone helped unpack the bags and soon everyone was awake and wanting breakfast. As they prepared the meal everyone decided they wanted to eat outside so the plates of eggs, bacon and toast was brought to the patio and everyone dug in. As the dishes were being cleared the younger kids were all clamoring to get into the pool. Ethan was dragging a baseball bat along the wire fence that held the pool equipment. The resulting noise caused Olivia to stop dead in her tracks; that noise was identical to the sound she heard in the basement at Sealview when Harris was dragging his baton over along the fence. Olivia had no idea the sound would have the effect on her that it did; she was immediately pulled into a flashback and the only thing that snapped her out of it was the crash that came from the dishes she had been holding hitting the ground. The noise caused everyone to stop what they were doing and turn towards Olivia; Alex recognized the look in her eyes, but she wasn't the only one. Alex got up from the table and went over to Olivia to try to calm her down before she lost control.

"Babe, look at me its ok, alright, you here with my family, ok, and you're safe. No one is going to hurt you, ok." Alex tried to touch Olivia's shoulder to calm her down, but Olivia flinched away.

"Alex…I uh…the dishes, I'm sorry I just…I need to get out of here and just…" Not making much sense at all, Olivia ran off toward the house and just as Alex was about to go after her she felt a hand on her shoulder stopping her. Alex turned to see JR standing next to her looking as concerned as everyone else, "Alex let me try, ok, just stay here." JR took off towards the house after Olivia, leaving Alex to explain to everyone else what had just happened. Alex was relieved that JR had gone after Olivia, if any could help her he was the one to do it. Alex took a deep breath and went back to the table, everyone was quiet, mostly because they didn't know what to say, but Astrid was the one who broke the silence.

"Alex, does that happen a lot with her?"

"It's been better the last 3 months, less nightmares and flashbacks, but they still happen."

"Is she being treated for it, with medicine or therapy, something?" If there was one person at that table that understood PTSD it was Astrid.

"She was in therapy, up until a month ago, she refuses to take the meds."

"Alex if they are still bad enough to cause that kind of reaction, she at least needs to go back to therapy." For a few moments, both women forgot that there were other people at the table. Finally, Samantha was the one to speak up, "Alex, her being shot could also be adding more stress and could be reminding her of whatever happened before."

Alex and Astrid both looked at the teen, "What, I'm not dumb you guys, we took a semester of Psych last year, you're talking about PTSD right?"

Alex didn't think it was her place to say, but she knew Olivia would never explain it herself, if for no other reason because she was ashamed of having a weakness, or at least something she saw as a weakness. "Yes, Sam, we are talking about PTSD."

Carol was the first person to snap back into reality and speak, "Alexandra, if she has PTSD, what happened to her?"

Alex made sure that the younger kids were out of ear shot and settled in to tell her family what it was that caused Olivia so much pain.

Olivia felt as though she couldn't breathe so she kept running up the stairs until there were no more and she found herself on the roof. She paced around the roof until she heard a voice come from the stairwell. "For future reference I put a mini fridge up here last summer for when I needed to escape." JR went over to the fridge and pulled out two beers and handed one to Olivia.

"You didn't have to come after me JR."

"I know, but I figured you would rather talk to someone who has been there and knows what you're going through."

"You mean you, how did you…?"

"PTSD almost ruined my life, and I can see its still affecting yours."

"Alex never told me she had a relative with PTSD."

"Like you, I don't advertise it.

"Do you think your family thinks I'm nuts?"

"No, they remember what it was like for me, they will understand that you're still dealing with both old and new traumas. Just tell them what you need and its yours; when I got home and was dealing with it, I needed to be completely isolated from them and so I came up here and made it my own personal spot and they respect that."

"What do you mean come home?"

JR turned toward Olivia and saluted, "Staff Sergeant William Christopher Cabot of the United States Marine Corps at your service."

"Alex never told me you were a vet."

"She was probably scared that you would go through the same things I did. She's just scared because she doesn't understand that it's different for everyone."

"It's been getting so much better, but then out of nowhere I hear a noise or I think I see his face and I fall apart."

"The one thing I learned from it is that no matter who you are you can't be strong all the time. Sometimes the best therapy was talking to my wife about what was going on in my head. Olivia I know how hard it is to ask for help, but if you don't it's gonna eat away at you."

"What made you get help?"

"Seven years ago I walked into St. Luke's hospital and half an hour later a nurse put my sons in my arms and I heard them cry. I looked at them and I realized that I had a wife that needed me and two children who needed a father. I got help so that I could be the man they needed me to be."

"I've gone through the therapy before and I thought it was behind me, but the shooting brought it all back. Sometimes I just getting tired of fighting you know, I just want to know when my life will be easier and when I can stop being the brave warrior. It just gets tiring after a while; it's like I'm meant to fight for everything I want in my life."

"That does sound exhausting, always having to be strong and brave, but answer me this, what are some of the things you have fought for in your life?"

"My life when I was younger, my education, my career, Alex."

"First off you have Alex, so no need to keep fighting on that one, just enjoy. But everything else you fought so hard for, were they worth fighting for, were they worth the sacrifice?"

"Absolutely."

"Then consider yourself blessed. People go through life every day, having things handed to them and they learn nothing from that experience, but you. Everything you have, you have because you fought hard and worked hard for it. Everything you work for, you get to see the outcome and reap the rewards and some people will never know that satisfaction. At the end of the day you can look at your life and know that everything you have, you have because you earned it."

"I never thought about it like that. Listen I know listening to someone else pour their heart out to you must suck but thank you."

"It's no big thing, family helps each other out. Speaking of help, take this card, that therapist really helped me out, she knows her stuff, former NYPD, I think you'll like her." JR flipped a business card out of his pocket and handed it to Olivia.

"We should go back downstairs before they send out a search party." Liv and JR headed toward the door when out of nowhere JR grabbed Olivia into a huge hug, "I mean it Liv, family stands strong together." Olivia was pleasantly surprised, JR considered her family and knowing that she now had a real family there to support her, Olivia felt like she could get the help that she needed.

Alex knew that JR would be able to reach Olivia, but now Alex was left with the unfortunate task of explaining Olivia's PTSD to her family.

"Ok, look everyone this story is pretty bad, so I'm going to try to say it quickly. Not quite a year ago Liv went undercover in Sealview prison to investigate a string of rapes that were occurring. One day one of the guards got a little carried away with an inmate and Liv stepped in, which of course was seen as her being violent. Little by little the situation escalated and soon another guard stepped in, a Captain as it were. He escorted Olivia out of the main areas and said he was taking her to the hole as punishment." Alex stopped, tears welling in her eyes and her mind trying to find the right words for what she had to say next.

Think she was finished Carol stepped in, "well honey, I'm sorry she had to go through that just to close a case."

Alex waved a hand at her Aunt, "I wish that was all that happened. The officer led her down into the basement of the prison and immediately Olivia knew something was wrong, but before she could act he wrestled her into the room and locked the door behind him. She tried to fight back, but she was still handcuffed. He threw her down on a mattress that was in the basement and he un-cuffed her and she fought back and tried to run away. She ended up hiding behind a gate in the basement, that's why that sound scared her so much, he dragged his baton across it to scare her. Eventually, he found her and once again she tried to run, but all the doors were locked. He cornered her and handcuffed her to the door so she couldn't run and he…he…" Alex couldn't finish the sentence let alone the story.

Her family remained silent until Kim spoke up, "Lexi, did he, did he rape her?"

Before Alex could stop crying long enough to answer a voice behind her did it for her.

"No, he didn't. But he was just about to when my partner came busting through the door; if he hadn't come when he did, this would be a very different story."

Alex started to apologize for telling the story, but Liv stopped her, "its ok babe, they had to know." Olivia didn't have to ask for the conversation to change, it just did. The gang started talking about something else and soon everyone decided to go spend the day on the boat out on the water. As everyone went to go get ready, Alex and Olivia stayed outside and headed to the boat. Olivia stopped Alex and gave her a kiss that caught Alex off guard, "what was that for?"

"Nothing, I just realized that I have everything I ever wanted in one person and I'm feeling incredibly blessed."

"I'm glad I make you so happy, so the question is, are you going to make me happy and join us on the water?"

"I'll be there in a minute." Alex grabbed their beach bag and went to get the boat started and Olivia pulled out the business card JR had given her and made a very important phone call.

**Little heavy on the drama, but I wanted all the dirty laundry out there for the family to see so that everyone can be a supporter. Sorry for the wait, I was out of town, but now I am back. Reviews are greatly appreciated.**


	24. Meet The Cabots Part 5

**So this chapter has a mix of drama and touching moments enjoy, I'm thinking like one more chapter with the whole family and then one or two with just Alex and Liv. If there is something you want to see let me know and I will see what I can do. Enjoy.**

Everyone piled into the boat and headed out on the water. Alex started out at the controls, but once they got out a ways, she taught Sam how to drive the boat, just like her father had done so many years before. Everyone spent the afternoon lying out on the deck, soaking up the sun and simply enjoying the day. Even Olivia, who sometimes found it hard to relax found herself at peace out on the water and at one point both she and Alex fell asleep on the deck. Soon the kids started to get cranky and everyone decided to head back to the house in order to calm the kids down and make preparations for dinner.

The younger kids all crashed in the living room and the adults took advantage of the quiet and after they made plans for dinner everyone decided to follow the kids' example and take a nap. Both Alex and Olivia decided that they weren't really tired so they went out to the backyard and settled into two chairs and simply enjoyed the view. Both women inadvertently fell asleep, but the silence didn't last long as both of them were shocked awake by the very loud voices coming from the house. They shot up out of the chairs and ran inside only to find Emily and Samantha were the two voices they had heard arguing. The majority of the family was now in the kitchen, trying hard to stay out of the way of the two women who were fighting, but no matter where they were in the house, the feuding women could still be heard.

"Mom, you just don't get it nothing is wrong, just get of my damn back."

"Language young lady and if nothing is wrong why can't you just talk to me."

"Cuz you won't understand, you're just blowing this way out of proportion."

"Honey, I can't help you if I don't know what is wrong."

"Nothing is wrong, I'm not broken, I don't need fixing, everything is fine, ok."

"If everything is fine, why are you yelling at me?"

"Because you keep asking questions that you really don't want the answers to. Ok, you keep asking things about my personal life like who I'm dating or who I have a crush on at school and it is none of your business, it's **my** personal life."

"Honey, something has been bothering you for months and I'm just trying to understand why you're so upset and if it's because of some boy I want you to tell me so we can talk about it."

By this point in the argument Samantha was screaming at her mother in between sobbing and Olivia knew that the teen could only keep that up for so long before she burst.

"Maybe I don't want to talk about it with you, you're just going to get mad."

"Honey I'm not going to get mad, I was 16 once, I remember what it's like to be in love. Please, honey, just talk to me, if this is about a boy can you at least tell me his name."

Samantha had tried throughout the argument to stay away from the topic of names because she knew there was no getting around it. Her mother's request for a name caused her to freeze, not knowing what to do or say and quite frankly she was too scared to make the decision to speak. With tears in her eyes she looked up at Olivia who was standing in the doorway with Alex. Olivia caught her stare and nodded her head, trying to encourage the teen to give her mother the name she asked for.

Samantha swallowed hard and in a voice barely above a whisper she said, "he doesn't have a name."

"Honey, I can't hear you when you talk through your teeth."

Olivia saw something snap in the teenager and she knew what was coming. Samantha lost control of her emotions and finally let years of lies and frustration out by shouting at her mother, "**he** doesn't have a name mother, **he** doesn't have a name because **he** is a **she** and **her** name is Miranda. Yeah, that's right mom I'm dating a girl." All of a sudden the shouting stopped and in between sobs, in a voice barely above a whisper Samantha chocked out, "I'm gay." The teen stood still looking at her mother waiting for a reaction, any reaction, but Emily just stood there with her mouth open in shock. Her mother's silence convinced Samantha that her mother hated her and before anyone could say anything Samantha took off out the back door and ran straight for the pool house leaving behind her shell shocked mother. Without wasting much time Olivia ran after Samantha, leaving Alex to deal with Emily.

The rest of the family that was in the kitchen made their way upstairs in order to give Alex and Emily a little privacy. Tom, having heard the whole argument, made his way downstairs and sat down next to his wife on the couch. Alex sat across from them and tried to get them to talk about what just happened.

"Well we could sit in silence for a while or you guys could say something."

"I don't know what to say Alex, I never saw this coming, I just don't understand why she didn't say something sooner."

"She was probably scared that you guys would be angry or hate her. She was probably scared of her feelings and then she was probably more freaked when she accepted it and Emily lets be real, coming out is the scariest thing anyone can do and when your 16 its can feel like a really lonely time. She just doesn't want to lose you."

Tom spoke up, "Alex she's our daughter she could never lose us, we love her; this is just not what we expected."

"Look you guys I know you love her and I know that after the shock wears off this won't seem like an issue, but right now in her mind, her whole world is crashing at her feet. She just told you her biggest secret and now that it is all out there, she is probably feeling exposed and scared. And on top of that she is 16, I remember coming out when I was a teenager and it was a really lonely and scary time. Sam is realizing that her whole life is going to be different and sadly harder because of this one thing about her. She needs to know that the people who love her the most are here to love and support her."

"Alex I just don't know what to say to her."

"Let me make it easier for you. Do you love her any less because she's a lesbian?"

Emily looked hurt, "of course not Alex, she's our baby, I could never hate her, I may not know how to help her through this rough time, but I still love her."

"There you go, that is what you say to her, tell her you love her. Tell her that his one thing doesn't change anything. Right now she needs to hear that she isn't alone in this and that you don't hate her."

"Why would she think we hate her?"

"Well, for starters it's a common reaction when teens come out, second she knows how much of a roaring bitch my mother has been about my sexuality and third, when she said I'm gay you didn't say anything and so in her mind, your silence reflects anger and hatred."

"Oh my God, so she really thinks we hate her now. Alex, how do we fix this?"

"Give Liv some time to calm her down, she was in hysterics. Once she is calmer then you can go talk to her, but right now just give her some space."

While Alex talked with Emily and Tom, Olivia went off into the pool house to check on Samantha. Olivia opened the door to find the teenager face down on her bed crying into the pillows. Olivia sat on the bed and rubbed the teens back trying to calm her down.

"Hey peanut, it's gonna be ok, alright, but you have to calm down or we can't talk about it."

After chocking back a few sobs the teenager turned around and looked at Olivia, "what do we have to talk about, I told them and now they hate me."

"Peanut, they don't hate you, your mom was probably just in shock ok, it is pretty big news, just give her a little time to let it sink in and I bet you she and your dad will be fine about this."

"What happens if they don't get over it, what if they hate me, who's going to love me then?"

Olivia's heart broke for Samantha, "Hey, don't talk like that ok, they will be fine and even if they did have an issue with it, Alex and I will always love you, ok."

The teenager grabbed onto Olivia and snuggled into her chest and continued to cry, until eventually she was quiet. When Olivia tried to leave the bed to go get Alex, the teen wouldn't let her go; she held onto her t-shirt, making leaving impossible, "please don't leave."

Knowing that leaving would cause more harm and make the teen cry again, Olivia settled back into the bed and Samantha wrapped her arms around Olivia and quietly cried into her shoulder. Olivia continued to rub her back trying to calm the teenager down, but no matter what she did the crying continued. Eventually the teen quietly asked a question, "Liv, did you ever tell your mom that you're gay?"

"Yeah, peanut I did, but she always seemed to forget so I had to tell her a couple of times to make sure it stuck."

"Was she mad when she found out?"

"No, a little surprised, but not mad and after a few days the shock wore off and everything went back to the way it was and I bet you that is what will happen with your parents."

"You think so."

"Yeah peanut I do, just give them a little time to adjust to the shock and then I promise you it will be ok."

"Why can't I stop crying?"

"Honey you just had a pretty wild day and coming out takes a lot out of people, especially when it goes down the way it did for you. Your tired and exhausted and you just let your biggest secret out, it's perfectly normal to be scared and to cry."

"I don't want my parents to see me crying like this."

"Then we can stay right here until you want to go talk to them."

"You mean you're gonna stay here with me."

"Unless you want me to leave."

"No, I want you to stay, I feel safe with you." Sam held onto Olivia a little bit tighter.

"Well then I'm staying right here." After a few more minutes both Olivia and Sam were asleep, not because they were tired, but more so because they were exhausted. Back in the house everyone was busy getting dinner ready and Alex realized that Olivia was still in the pool house with Samantha. Leaving the final dinner prep to her family Alex went out to the pool house to fetch her cousin and girlfriend. Alex opened the door and smiled when she saw both women fast asleep on the bed. She didn't want to disturb them, but she knew that if they missed dinner they would both regret it later. Alex made her way over to Olivia and kissed her on the forehead, "Liv, baby wake up."

Olivia slowly opened her eyes and realized that once again she had fallen asleep in the pool house with Samantha. Olivia soon realized that there was no way she could leave the bed without waking up Sam.

"Alex, why don't you head inside and I'll wake her up and we'll head in soon, ok?

Alex gave Olivia a quick kiss before leaving the room and heading back into the house. She knew that if Olivia woke up the teenager and Alex was standing there she would feel threatened.

Once Alex was gone Olivia tried to wake Samantha up, "hey peanut, come on dinner is ready."

The teenager stirred slightly and slowly opened her eyes, but still she stayed firmly attached to Olivia, "I'm not hungry."

"Your growling stomach says different. Let me guess you don't want to face your family right now, least of all your parents; am I right."

"Sort of."

"I'll make you a deal. If it's ok with your parents Alex and I will eat out here with you ok."

"What's the catch?"

"After dessert, if your parents want to talk to you, you let them talk to you."

"Will you stay with me?"

"If that is what you want I will, now I'm gonna go see if it's ok if we eat out here." Olivia got out the bed and headed over to the main house. Emily saw that her daughter was not with Olivia and she became concerned, "is Samantha coming in?"

"She's still pretty upset so I was wondering if maybe it was ok that Alex and I ate out there with her and calmed her down a little bit. Then after we eat if you guys want to talk she agreed to, but I think right now she's just feeling a little on edge. So is it ok if she outs out there with us."

"Sure Liv, its fine, just please tell her that we aren't mad." Olivia and Alex grabbed plates of food and silverware and headed back to the pool house. When they walked in, Sam was on the phone so they made their way over to the coffee table and set the plates down. A few moments later Samantha walked over to them with the phone still to her ear, but as she sat down on the couch she ended to call, "ok I got to go eat dinner. I know, I love you too babe, bye."

Samantha put her cell phone in her pocket and looked up to see both Olivia and Alex with goofy grins on their faces, "What are you two smiling about?"

"Love you too babe", Alex mocked. "I didn't know you had such a serious relationship with this Miranda."

"Lay off Alex, it's not we were saying anything dirty, so mom and dad let you guys eat out here with me. They probably think it's a secret meeting of the Cabot family lesbian club."

Olivia piped in, "technically I'm not a Cabot."

Alex leaned over and kissed her, "you mean you aren't a Cabot_ yet_."

Samantha fake gagged, "gross, old people in love."

"Hey, we are not old."

"Your parents do want to talk to you after dinner, think you're up for that."

"I would hate to miss the opportunity for them to write me out of the will."

"Peanut, they aren't mad; they just want to talk to you."

"If you say so. You're still going to stay with me, right?"

"I will stay for as long as you need me, but I don't think it's going to be as bad as you think." The three women ate the rest of their dinner and continued to talk and laugh about random things. After about an hour someone knocked on the door of the pool house and when it opened Emily was standing there with her husband behind her. Olivia handed Alex her plate and Alex left the room. Olivia and Samantha both stood up and waited for Emily and Thomas to sit down. Before Olivia sat down Samantha pulled her over to the side, "do you think maybe I could try and see if I can handle this on my own."

Olivia smiled and kissed the teenager on the forehead, "I'll be outside if you need me ok." Olivia walked outside and joined Alex who was sitting on the one of the patio chairs.

"I thought you were going to stay in there with her."

"She said she wanted to try it on her own, so I told her I would be right outside if she needed me."

"Have I told you how good you are with kids?"

"Samantha is hardly a kid Alex."

"True, but look at what you have done for her in the 2 days you have known her, I think you're going to be a damn good mother one day."

"Oh really. Well, I can't raise children all by myself, I'll need help, you have anyone in mind that might be interested?"

"I have the perfect person in mind."

"Really and this perfect person wouldn't by any chance be you, now would it."

"You have someone else in mind."

Olivia pretended to think about it, "hmm, nope. I just like watching you get flustered." Olivia got up from the char and gave Alex a kiss before heading inside. Once she was inside she made her way into the kitchen where Bill, Carol, Diana and Peter were all sitting and drinking coffee. Bill was happy that Olivia had come in because there was something he wanted to discuss with her.

"Olivia, we were just talking about you."

"All good I hope."

"Of course dear come sit."

Olivia sat at the table and Bill grabbed hold of her hand, "Olivia I have a very important question for you."

"Ok, shoot."

"Do you love Alexandra?"

"More than anything."

"Would you maybe consider marrying Alexandra in the future?"

Olivia was shocked at the question, "nothing would make me happier then to marry her someday."

"That's what I figured. Now when my brother died, he gave me something to hold onto for Alexandra. He knew that if her mother got a hold of it, she would never give to Alexandra so he trusted it with me. From the way Alexandra talked about you over the phone and judging by the fact that you saved her life, I think my brother would be thrilled for me to give this to you to keep safe until the time is right." Bill reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a small black box and handed it to Olivia.

Olivia opened it and saw perhaps the most beautiful ring she had ever seen. Bill continued to explain, "that ring belonged to my great, great, grandmother. She and her husband got engaged the day she turned 16, which back then was tradition. They were married for 74 years and they died within days of each other, so much in love that even death couldn't tear them apart. That kind of love doesn't happen every day, but when I look at you and Alexandra, I know that you have it. So take the ring, and when you two get married you put that ring on her finger ok, that way you can get whatever engagement ring you want, but on that day you can give the gift of love that even death couldn't break apart."

"I honestly don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything, just promise me one thing, don't tell Alexandra you have this ring, surprise her with it. It was her father's dying wish that she have it, not her sister. My brother told me that I would know when the right person came along and I believe she has. My brother loved that girl more than words could say Olivia and he would have been pleased and proud to see her so happy and he would have absolutely loved you. So take the ring and just promise me something."

"Anything."

"Don't drag your feet with her detective, I want to see you and Alexandra get married before I'm too senile to remember it."

"You have my word. Thank you."

"Don't mention it, just keep that ring safe."

Olivia left the table and went upstairs and put the ring her the locked box that held her service weapon and quickly went back down the stairs and outside to Alex.

"Have they come out of there yet?"

"No but I haven't heard any yelling, so that's good." After about 20 min. both Emily and Tom came out of the pool house and headed back into the house. Olivia and Alex both went into the pool house to see what had happened.

Alex was the first to talk, "honey what happened?"

"We talked for a while and I think everything is ok."

"What did they say honey?"

"That they still love me and it isn't an issue and they were sorry I was so scared to tell them before."

Samantha got up from the couch and went over to Olivia and hugged her, "thank you for helping me through that." She then quickly hugged Alex , "both of you."

Olivia and Alex left the pool house and headed back into the main house and up stairs to their bedroom. Both women flopped on the bed, rather exhausted from the drama of the day.

Olivia was too tired to change clothes so she simply took off her shirt and jeans and got under the covers and Alex soon followed her example.

"So any other family secrets that are going to come to the surface this week?"

"None that I am aware of."

"Good, because this much drama is tiring."

"Poor baby."

"Shut up and give me a kiss goodnight."

Soon both women were sound asleep finally able to find peace after a rather exciting day.

**Reviews are appreciated and helpful, thanks.**


	25. I Am My Mother's Daughter

**I am super sorry for the long wait for the new chapter I was having a hard time starting this one and then for the last week I was in Utah, as we speak I am in the airport waiting for my flight home. In the coming weeks I am leaving the country until December. I'm going to study abroad in Italy so I'm not sure if I can still access this over there if I can I will be able to update if not I will have to stop the story somewhere and continue later. Anyway enjoy and review. **

The rest of the week went by with no real drama to speak of and soon the time came for the extended Cabot clan to head to their respective homes. Michael, Allison and the children had left early in the morning as they had pressing plans waiting for them back at home. The rest of the family was going to be filtering out of the house throughout the day, but for the time being they were all finishing breakfast together. The younger kids were outside playing, leaving the adults to sit and relax in the kitchen and enjoy the fleeting moments of their vacation. Kim was telling Olivia embarrassing stories of Alex from when they were young.

"So Alex decided it would be funny to take a picture of me and my boyfriend kissing on the couch and show it to mom and dad. Well I figured I was already grounded I may as well get revenge so one afternoon Alex went for a swim and as she was showering in the pool house bathroom I went in and took her clothes and all the towels and blankets. So needless to say when she got out of the shower she found herself to be rather exposed. She tried to cover herself up and she ran to the back door and tried to get in, but of course I had locked it and the front door. So not knowing that, she ran around the front of the house and started banging on the door and did not look around to see if anyone is starring at her. Well, after a few minutes she finally turns around to see our gardener standing there with a very shocked expression on his face."

Alex had her head buried in her hands, her face beet red from embarrassment. Olivia was laughing hysterically.

"Kim did you really have to tell that story."

"Yes I did. She is your partner Alex she deserves full disclosure of how much of a pain in the ass you used to be."

Olivia stood up from the table and kissed Alex on her flushed cheek, "you're cute when you get all upset and flustered."

"Well if you thought that was cute, I have to tell you about when she was 16 …"

"Kim doesn't Keith need help packing up the car?"

"Fine I'll go, besides there is always thanksgiving to tell Liv all sorts of other stories." Kim left the table and went outside to assist her husband in packing up the car and almost as soon as she left Matthew started to cry and before anyone could move Olivia was already running down the hallway toward the crying infant and soon the house was silent again. Everyone smiled and Astrid was the first to say something, "that lady of yours has serious skills Alex."

"Magic touch, I'm going to go help her pack up the baby." Alex walked down the hallway and stopped at the doorway and watched Olivia cradle the now silent infant. Alex walked up behind her and wrapped her arms around Olivia and Matthew.

"Anyone ever tell you that you look really good with a baby in your arms."

"Just you."

"Well you do, you're a natural." Alex paused for a moment, "you ever think of having some of your own?"

Olivia put the baby down in his car seat, "I have my reservations about what kind of mother I would be, but I want to have kids, under one condition."

Alex smiled, "oh really and that condition is what?"

Olivia walked over gave Alex a kiss and smiled, "that I have them with you."

With a goofy grin plastered on her face Alex followed Liv out of the room with the car seat in hand. Both women walked out to the front yard and helped Kim load up their car with the last few bags and after securely strapping Matthew into the car seat Kim turned around to say goodbye to her sister.

"If I promise not to invite mother can I assume I will see you at Thanksgiving this year, both of you?"

"I'm already looking forward to it and as far as I can tell Liv hasn't made any other plans for us." Alex hugged her sister close to her and when it became clear she had to leave, she reluctantly let go. "Call me when you guys get home."

Kim assured her sister she would and she walked over to Olivia and gave her the same hug she had just given Alex. "You take good care of my baby sister ok, I want you both to live to see the holidays. If you think we're crazy now wait until we have a calendar holiday to celebrate, last Christmas we ran out of vodka"

"Well I would hate to miss that so I'll see what I can do, but no promises." Kim left Olivia side and got into the passenger side of the car. After blowing a few more kisses the car was out of sight and Alex and Olivia slowly made their way back into the house. Over the next hour the remainder of Alex's family slowly filtered in their cars, packing up their families and preparing to head home. The last to leave was Emily, Tom and Samantha. As Tom finished packing up the car, Emily and Samantha busied themselves saying goodbye to Alex and Olivia.

Emily hugged Alex one last time, "thank you, I know that this drama isn't exactly what you had planned for your vacation, but we wouldn't have gotten through this without your help Alex. We owe you big time."

"You don't owe me anything, your family and on the plus side at least things weren't dull. I think you guys will figure it out in time, you raised her right, she'll be fine." A few feet away Olivia was saying goodbye to Samantha in much the same fashion.

"Now you know where Alex and I live, but if you ever need anything, even if you just want to talk to someone you call me ok." Olivia handed her business card to the teenager and hugged her.

"Thank you, for everything I guess, you were every bit as awesome as Alex said you were."

"Does that mean I have your seal of approval?"

"Absolutely, she's got it bad for you Liv and she is happy so as far as I am concerned everything is great. I should go before we run into traffic." With one final hug, Sam climbed into the back seat and soon the last of the family was gone leaving just Alex and Olivia alone in the house.

Olivia looked at Alex, "so what do we do now?"

Alex smiled, "you still want to learn more about me from when I was younger?" Before she could answer, Alex grabbed Olivia's hand and led her into the living room. Alex went to the shelf next to the TV and grabbed an old VHS tape, one of many that bore her name and popped it into the player. She joined Olivia on the couch and snuggled into Olivia's side. Soon the video started and it showed a five year old Alex running around outside at what appeared to be her birthday party. Soon from off camera a rather tall man came over to her and scooped her up in his arms. She giggled and laughed, which made him smile. Soon the camera cut to Alex sitting in a chair trying to blow out her candles. Once again the man who Olivia could only assume was her father came from off screen and helped her blow them out. The majority of the video was footage of that day, but at the end was a few minutes of Alex dancing on her father's shoes. Olivia was truly touched that Alex wanted to share that memory with her, but when she looked over at Alex silent tears fell down her cheeks. Olivia brushed away the last few stray tears before pulling Alex closer to her.

"Alex, honey talk to me."

"I thought it was supposed to hurt less the more time someone has been dead, but it's like every year it only hurts more that he's gone."

"Baby I'm sorry. Do you mind if I ask how long he's been gone?"

"12 years today."

Olivia head dropped, "baby why didn't you say it was the anniversary of his death?"

"Because I thought that because now that I have you, maybe I wouldn't miss him as much as I do or maybe it would hurt less, but clearly I was wrong."

"Tell me about him."

"Why?"

"Because maybe talking about him, reminding yourself that while he may not be here you still are a part of him may help ease the pain a little. So tell me about him."

"He was born in New York, raised here too. He told me once that when he was young he told himself he never wanted to live anywhere else; that he would grow up, raise a family and die here. He said there was something about New York that was magical and when I asked what was so special about this one state, he smiled and said that one day I would find everything I ever wanted in this state and I guess he was right." Alex squeezed Olivia hand and let a few tears fall from her eyes. Olivia brushed them away and Alex continued.

"He worked hard, always wanted to be the DA, but he said there are some dreams in life that your children are meant to fulfill for you. He was a brilliant attorney, always fought until someone got some kind of justice. Dark blonde hair, blue eyes, strong chiseled facial features, he was kind and warm and he always made me feel safe and wanted and loved."

"Sounds like you take after him in more than just looks." Alex finally smiled. "Alex, it's ok to miss him, he loved you and supported you your whole life and losing that bond is hard. Crying for him doesn't make you crazy or weak or anything, it just means that you loved him."

"I did love him, I still do. You know when I was a little girl I asked him what happened when people died. He sat me in his lap and told me that when people die they become stars in the sky. I didn't understand so he explained to me that when people die they become stars so that they can always watch over the people they leave behind. I said that stars go away in day time and he laughed and said that they don't go away, just because they can't be seen doesn't mean they aren't there. He called them invisible guardians. You probably think I'm nuts holding on to some childish story."

"No, I think you are anything but crazy. You still believe in that story because it gives you peace and it reminds you that he is still watching out for you and that he is still a part of you." Both women stayed in that position for hours after that, holding on to each other and talking about their childhoods and growing up. Alex was surprised that talking about her father and telling stories about him made her feel better.

"Liv can I ask you a question?"

"That was a question."

"Funny, seriously, do you have any happy memories about your mom?"

Without missing a beat Liv looked at Alex, "I could ask you the same question."

"I'll answer if you do."

Liv sighed, "there aren't many of them, but I have enough to hold on to. From the time I was seven until she died when she was drunk she never called me by my name, she would call me Phoenix. One day I asked her why she called me that when she was drunk and she said that even though she was drunk she wanted me to know that she still loved me."

"So why Phoenix?"

Olivia allowed a single tear fall from her eyes "Phoenix birds live for anywhere to 500 to 1000 years and when they near the end of their life it builds a nest of twigs and stuff like that and when it is ready to die it settles into the nest and it sets itself on fire. It burns until there is nothing but ashes and from those ashes rises a new young phoenix. From the greatest pain and destruction comes an innocent, proud and strong new life. My mother said that I was her Phoenix because I was what was born out of her greatest pain." Olivia tears were slowly trickling down her face as she finished speaking and Alex leaned over and kissed her. "You are my Phoenix too."

"Kind of sad that I'm in my 30's and all I have are a handful of good memories of my mother."

"It's better then what I have baby."

"You don't even have a handful?"

"I have one. One moment in my entire life where my mother and I had a genuine moment. I was ten and my dad was working late and there was a storm that knocked out the power and I ran into my parents' room scared and looking for my dad to comfort me. When I saw he wasn't there my mother told me to climb into bed with her so I did. She asked what was wrong and I told her that the storm scarred me and she stroked my hair and told me that was impossible Cabot women weren't afraid of anything. She then told me about all the women in our family and how they were strong and what they overcame in their lives and by the time she was done I was feeling better so I got up to leave. Before I walked out the door I asked her if she thought I would ever be that strong and she sat up in the bed and said 'Alexandra, you already are."

"That really beautiful Alex and it shows that she does love you."

"No she loved me, past tense, in her eyes I'm not worthy of the Cabot name. Honestly even if she never comes around, I'm perfectly happy spending my life with you and my family that loves me."

"Promise me something."

"Anything."

"Keep an open mind, just give your mom one more chance to come around. I couldn't make peace with my mother until it was too late, please don't make my mistake. Just one more chance and if she blows it, we write her out of our lives forever, but give her one last chance."

"This is important to you isn't it?"

"You being happy is important to me."

"Then you have me word that I will give her one last chance, but I pick when I give it to her."

"Deal. Now I don't know about you, but thanks to all this crying I now have a splitting headache so how about we go see if there is so ice cream in the kitchen."

"How is that going to help your headache?"

"Who said it would help, I'm just hungry."


	26. Jumping in Head First

The ladies enjoyed the peace and quiet that the week offered them, spending most of their days in bed simply doing nothing but holding onto each other. The morning they were set to go home Olivia woke up to the sound of Alex trying to quietly pack the suitcase and get it down stairs herself. Olivia put the pillow over her head and mumbled, "Alex its 9am what are you doing?"

"Trying to pack so we can beat traffic and now that you are awake you can help me."

"We don't even have to back until tomorrow why the rush?"

"Because I want to be able to relax at home tonight so that we are both ready for work tomorrow."

"I hate it when you're logical. Fine I'm up, but I get control over music in the car ride home."

"Deal." After carefully packing up their clothes and loading the car Alex turned around and paused, taking a moment to look at the house one more time. Upon seeing this Olivia wrapped her arms around Alex's waist and kissed her neck.

"We'll come back I promise. Besides we told your family we would be joining them for the holidays." Olivia opened the door and helped Alex inside before she made her way over to the driver's side door. After they had been driving for few minutes Olivia turned on the radio and soon after that she grew bored with the selection and flipped on her ipod and finding the song she wanted she hit play. As the song began Olivia started to sing along with the music without even realizing it and Alex simply sat there and listened, not wanting to interrupt.

_When I see your smile  
Tears run down my face  
I can't replace  
And now that I'm strong  
I have figured out  
How this world turns cold  
and it breaks through my soul  
And I know I'll find  
deep inside me  
I can be the one_

I will never let you fall (let you fall)  
I'll stand up with you forever  
I'll be there for you through it all (though it all)  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.  
Seasons are changing  
And waves are crashing  
And stars are falling all for us  
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter  
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)  
I'll stand up with you forever  
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart  
Please don't throw that away  
Cuz I'm here for you  
Please don't walk away and  
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will  
Pull my strings just for a thrill  
And I know I'll be okay  
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall  
I'll stand up with you forever  
I'll be there for you through it all  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Even though it was a rock song the ballad still brought a tear to Alex's eye, in her silent mind she thought about how the song described Olivia perfectly especially the idea that she would save Alex's life even if it meant ending her own. A smile quickly appeared on her face and Olivia smiled at that.

"What are you so happy about?"

"You do realize that you are a huge sap right?"

"I'm very proud in my music collection. There are songs no matter what mood you are in or what you are going through. If you're in love or sad or simply feel at peace there is a song to match your mood."

"Well, what mood are you in right now?"

Olivia smiled and picked up the ipod and found the song that she felt described her feelings at that exactly moment.

_Alright, Alright  
Yeah it's alright, alright_

Don't need no five star reservations  
I've got spaghetti and a cheap bottle of wine  
Don't need no concert in the city  
I've got a stereo and the best of Patsy Cline  
Ain't got no caviar no Dom Perignon  
But as far as I can see, I've got everything I want

Cause I've got a roof over my head,  
the woman I love laying in my bed  
And it's alright, alright  
I've got shoes under my feet  
Forever in her eyes staring back at me  
And it's alright, alright  
And I've got all I need  
And it's alright by me

Maybe later on we'll walk down to the river  
Lay on a blanket and stare up at the moon  
It may not be no French Riviera  
But it's all the same to me as long as im with you

It may be a simple life, but that's okay  
If you ask me baby, I think I've got it made

Cause I've got a roof over my head,  
the woman I love laying in my bed  
And it's alright, alright  
I've got shoes under my feet  
Forever in her eyes staring back at me  
And it's alright, alright  
And I've got all I need  
And it's alright by me

It's alright by me, yeah yeah  
When I lay down at night I thank the Lord above  
For giving me everything I ever could dream of

Cause I've got a roof over my head,  
the woman I love laying in my bed  
And it's alright, alright, alright, alright  
I've got shoes under my feet  
Forever in her eyes staring back at me  
And it's alright, alright, alright  
And I've got all I need, yeah  
I've got all I need  
And it's alright by me  
Oh yeah, it's alright by me

"Does that answer your question?"

Alex leaned over and gave Olivia a quick peck, "I love you, you know that."

"You may have mentioned it a few times. See I told you a song for every feeling and occasion. Many of them are country songs."

Alex listened to a few more songs before she drifted off to sleep and she only woke up when she felt that the car had stopped moving. When she opened her eyes they were in the parking garage of their building and Olivia had just turned the car off.

"Why didn't you wake me up when we got here?"

"We just got here and you woke yourself up."

"I hate it when you're literal." Each lady grabbed a bag and slowly made their way to the elevator and up to their apartment. Alex quickly unpacked the bags and Olivia ordered in something for them to eat for dinner. They enjoyed their dinner and both women fell asleep watching a movie on the couch and they were finally awoken by Olivia's cell phone ringing.

"Benson." Instead of barking her name like she normally did she yawned it into the phone.

"Liv I'm sorry to call you this early or late, but we caught a case and Cap wants you and me at Mercy in 15 min, I'll come grab you ok?"

"Got it El." Olivia snapped her phone shut and turned to Alex, "we caught a case over a Mercy, I gotta go."

"But you aren't officially back until tomorrow."

Olivia grabbed the digital clock from the table and tossed it to Alex, "honey, it is tomorrow, very early, but none the less it is tomorrow." Olivia disappeared into their room and emerged in jeans, long sleeved shirt and her leather jacket. She leaned over the couch and kissed Alex, "I will call you when I have something ok, I love you."

"Be safe ok."

"Always, lock the door please." And with that Olivia was out the door and into Elliot's waiting car. They quickly made their way to Mercy and made their way to the victim's room. The girl lying in the bed couldn't have been a day over 14 and when they reached her room they were met by the treating doctor.

"What do you have doc?"

"Jane Doe was brought in about an hour ago, called in by the neighbors. They heard fighting and called it in. No sign of any sexual assault, but physical abuse is prominent. She came in with 6 broken ribs, bruises that cover about half her body, a broken arm, broken nose and some cuts on her face."

"Someone beat the tar out her or at least they tried to."

Olivia was puzzled, "Why are you still calling her Jane Doe?"

"She hasn't said a word to anyone since she got here and there was no ID so for the time being she is Jane Doe 4862."

"Thanks doc, we got from here."

"Detectives, one more thing. The cuts on her face were not the only ones we found. She has them all over her body primarily on her forearms, legs and chest."

Elliot didn't understand, "someone was torturing her?"

"No detective they were self inflicted wounds."

The doctor walked away leaving Olivia and Elliot speechless and they quietly walked into the room. The young girl saw them enter, "well considering that you two aren't in lab coats that has to make you cops."

Olivia walked over to the bed and showed the teenager her badge, "My name is Olivia and this is my partner Elliot, is it ok if we ask you some questions?"

"That was a question."

Olivia smiled, the girl was clearly trying to act tough and if it weren't for the tears in her eyes it would be working. The girl's gaze kept falling on Elliot and it became clear she didn't feel comfortable with a man in the room. The girl moved on the bed so that she facing Olivia.

Olivia looked up at Elliot, "you know what Elliot is going to go talk to your doctor and that way you and I can talk, is that ok?" The teen stayed silent, but continued to play with Olivia's badge. Once they were alone the girl went back to lying on her back.

"The doctor told me that you haven't talked to anyone since you got brought in, so I'm glad you're talking to me."

"You just seem nice, like I can trust you."

"Well, you can tell me anything, but I think it would be good if we started with your name."

"You're going to think its stupid, hell even I think it is stupid."

"I bet it isn't that bad."

"Hadassah, it was my grandmother's dying wish that I have that name."

"Hadassah, means myrtle tree in Hebrew, the name of the greatest queen of Persia, Esther. I don't think that it's stupid, you're named for one of the strongest women in biblical history, she saved her people even though it meant risking her own life. Your name is the epitome of strength."

"Do you make it a habit of knowing what people obscure names mean?"

"No I make it a habit of catching the people who hurt others, do you think you can tell me who hurt you?"

"They will kill me."

"Well, I'm not going to let that happen, but honey the only way I can keep you safe is if you tell me who did this to you."

The teenager sighed heavily and even though she wanted to say who had hurt her, the words would not come out so she resorted to a childhood skill hoping the detective would understand. With her good hand she signed the ASL sign for parents. Olivia had learned ASL years ago after a case involving a deaf child so amazingly she knew what Hadassah had said, sensing that the teenager would be more comfortable not talking Olivia put down her pen and paper and decided to speak to the girl in sign language.

_Can you tell me why it happened, how did it get started? _ The teenager slowly told Olivia the reason why her parents hurt her and by the end of it her hand was tired and so was she so Olivia tried talking to her again.

"Is this the first time they hurt you?"

"No."

"When did it start?"

"When I was a kid my dad would hit me when I misbehaved or didn't listen to him, when I got older, around 12 years old I would fight back and that is when it got worse. This time they were really made and when I tried to fight back I punched my father so hard is the face it broke his nose. He snapped and started kicking the crap out of me and my mother would either help, or hold me down, she was the one the kicked me in the ribs." There are tears in her eyes when she finishes telling Olivia what happened. Olivia walks over to the door and briefly tells Elliot what she knows and he takes off to put the wheels of justice in motion and Olivia returned to the room.

She sat on the end of the bed and saw that Hadassah was flicking a rubber band against the skin of her unbroken arm.

"Doesn't that hurt?"

The teenager's eyes flew open; she didn't realize she was being watched, "that's kind of the point."

"How long have you been a cutter?"

"Two years, three months, sixteen days, six hours."

Olivia wasn't surprised at the fact that the girl knew down to the hour how long she had been a cutter. "Do you remember why you started?"

"You get told everyday that you aren't good enough, that you don't matter, that no one loves you, that no one ever will, that your useless, that your nothing, after a while you start to believe it. The two people in this world that are supposed to love me want me dead, after years of not having anyone that cares I stopped caring if I lived or died." This time there are no tears in the teen's eyes, she speaks in a level tone, like she really doesn't care if she lives or not.

"Have you ever tried to end your life?"

"Just one more thing I failed at, they threw me in a hospital for 3 days and then let me go because I told them what they wanted to hear. I started cutting so I could get that release, so that the numb feeling would go away I would feel something, anything. Doing it allows me to function, it gives me peace, it keeps me alive and as sick as it sounds it is the only thing that makes me feel happy and loved and safe." The teen looked at Olivia, "you think I'm crazy don't you."

"Nope, I understand what you mean."

"How could possibly understand?"

Olivia took a deep breath and pulled her sleeves up revealing to the teenager her arms that were covered with white lines that betrayed the secret location of long healed scars, "I understand more than you think."

"When did you stop?"

"My sophomore year of college, I finally figured out that I needed help with some of my issues so I went to the counseling center and talked with people and eventually I realized that I just needed someone to talk to in order to help me sort through everything. My mother told me I was worthless too, she hit me sometimes like yours and I thought that no one could ever love me, but now I know she was wrong, I have friends and a partner and my life is good and I bet I can help make you make yours good, if you'll let me."

"You'll make sure they won't come after me right?"

"You have my word they will never hurt you again, just tell me what happened I will make sure they pay for what they did to you ok." The teen smiled and then proceeded to tell Olivia what had set her parents off this time that was so much worse than all the others. Her parents had found out about the cutting through a teacher from school and that was what set them off initially and it escalated from there. After telling all of this to Olivia the teenager was tired so Olivia left the room to let her sleep and to go fill in Elliot and help with the arrest.

By the time she had gotten to the station Elliot and Fin were already in the interrogation room with the parents and their lawyer. Soon Elliot was walking out of the room with the father and Fin was right behind him with the mother.

Elliot turned to a uniformed officer and handed both parents off to him and his partner, "make sure Mr. and Mrs. Marino get comfortable in their cells."

As both parents left with their lawyer trailing behind them Elliot and Olivia made their way over the white board and started to piece together the case. Several hours later just as they we getting ready to wrap things up for the day Alex walked into the squad room.

"The Morino's are being arraigned in the morning and it looks like they're pleading not guilty so what do we have." Olivia handed her the file, "try the nail in their coffin. The hospital reports, eye witness statements from neighbors and teachers, they is no way these people could get off."

"How's the daughter?"

"She's in pretty bad shape, but the worst of it is psychological, bruises heal, self esteem takes time. When I was with her I had to talk to her in sign language because there were some things she just couldn't talk about."

"I'll make sure that there is a court translator on hand when she testifies, that is if you think she will agree to."

"I think she needs to feel safe and then after that she can testify."

"Work with her, try to convince her that this is the only way to keep her safe."

Olivia nodded and went to her desk to grab her coat, "I'm going to go see her now, see if I can't get her to talk again, if I come home it's going to be late."

"I understand, just call me and tell me when you are somewhere safe please."

Olivia quickly gave Alex a kiss and was out the door. When she got to the hospital Olivia had to flash her badge to see Hadassah because it was after visiting hours. When she walked into the room Hadassah looked up and smiled, stopping what she was doing.

"Hi Olivia."

"Hey honey, how are you feeling?"

"Fine, better anyway, the doctor said I could leave tonight, but then he said something about Child Services and I stopped listening."

"I'm going to go talk to him about that ok, I will be right back ok."

Olivia stepped outside and found the doctor, "When were you planning on telling me that Hadassah was being released into the care of Child services?"

"Detective Benson, she is ready to go home and considering no one can care for her this is the only way." Olivia was speechless that he would so easily write her off and before she could react her phone was in her hand and she was calling Alex.

"Hey baby, what's up?"

"I need your help."

"Are you ok, what's wrong?"

"I'm fine, how hard would it be to get Hadassah Morino released into our care?"

**Cliffhanger I know I am horrible. I leave for Italy tomorrow so I may only be able to update every now and then so if you don't hear from me for a while do not fear the story isn't over. The songs are Your Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and Alright by Darius Rucker.**


	27. Long First Day

**So I am all settled in Italy and since classes are going to be starting soon I figured I would update before shit got insane, enjoy.**

Alex wasted no time getting to the hospital which was clear by the fact that she ran into the hospital in her PJ's and slippers. When she found Olivia in the waiting room she went over and sat down in the chair in front of her and took Olivia's hands in her's.

"What happened?"

"They are releasing her into child services and I can't let that happen."

"Honey, we can't take in every child that comes across your desk, what is it about this girl that has you so worked up?"

Olivia looked down at her hands and said in a voice barely above a whisper, "she's me Alex." Olivia quickly stood up and walked off as she burst into tears. Alex was left alone in the waiting room and decided to go see for herself why this one girl had such a hold on Liv. When she went into the girl's room, Hadassah was sleeping, so Alex quietly made her way over to her chart and read. She had to admit, the poor child had a great number of things in common with Olivia, but it was the last note on the chart that made her pause: self inflicted wounds/psych consult requested. Before Alex had time to process the information Haddie woke up.

"You really think you can read that doctor chicken scratch?"

"Well I have to try if I'm going to help you." Alex looked over at the girl and smiled.

"You another cop?"

"Nope, I'm a lawyer."

"You really think you can help me?"

"I can try to, Detective Benson and I are going to do everything we can to help protect you ok."

"She cool, she gets me, she doesn't think I'm crazy."

"Why would anyone think you're crazy?"

"You can't read that last note, God the handwriting must be horrible. She understands me." Alex slowly started to understand why this girl was so close to Olivia's heart.

"I'm going to go talk to her right now about where you're staying for the next few weeks ok, I'll be right back." Alex went and found Liv standing outside just staring out into space. As if she could feel her there Olivia spoke, "she a good kid."

"I can see that. Are you going to be ok?"

"I have to help her Alex, I can't let her go through the things I went through and turn out like me."

Alex turned Olivia around so that she was facing her, "listen to me, if she turned out to be half the person you are she'd be set for life. We will help her in whatever way we can, but we can't do it just standing here, let's go home."

"But what about…"

"She is coming with us."

"How did you…?"

"Let's just say I owe Liz a huge favor." Olivia and Alex went back into the room where Haddie was now getting ready to leave. The girl looked up from her things when the women came into the room, "are they here to get me yet?"

Olivia walked over to the girl and picked up her duffle bag, "not necessarily, how would feel about coming home with us?"

If the teen had smiled any bigger her face would have cracked, "your serious, I can go with you?"

"Only if you want to."

"If I didn't have broken ribs I would hug you right now. You didn't have to do this for me."

"We wanted to, and look on the bright side you get your own room with a pretty nice view." The teen smiled and grabbed her jacket and quickly followed Olivia and Alex out of the hospital. In the 20 minutes it took to drive home Hadassah had fallen asleep in the back seat and Olivia had to gently wake her up in order to move her upstairs. When they got into the apartment Alex showed her where she could put her things and the teen was dumb struck at the sheer size and beauty of the room.

When Alex finished unpacking her things she turned to leave and saw that Haddie was just sitting on the bed with a far off look and a few tears in her eyes. Alex walked over and sat at the other end of the bed, "Hey, you ok?"

"No one has ever done anything like this for me before?"

"Done what, given you a room to yourself?"

"No, no one has ever cared this much about me. You've known me for a few hours and you are already treating me better than my own parents. After years of people telling you aren't worth being loved, you start to believe it, at least I did anyway."

Alex moved closer to Haddie and lightly held the girls hand in her own, "everyone deserves to loved, ok. What happened wasn't your fault and you have my word your parents will pay for what they did."

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I haven't yet and I don't plan on starting now. Now you have had a very long and stressful couple of days so I'm going to leave you to get comfortable and if you need anything just holler ok. Help yourself to whatever is in the fridge and there is a TV in the cabinet and movies on that shelf so they are there if you want them."

"Thanks Alex, Good night."

"Goodnight sweetheart." Alex quietly closed the door behind her and made her way into the kitchen to make herself some tea. She heard the water running in the bathroom and figured Olivia was taken a shower before the headed to bed. Alex finished her tea and put the mug in the sink and before she headed into her bedroom she walked down the hall to check on Hadassah. When she opened the door she saw the teen fast asleep with a book held tight to her chest. Alex gently lifted the book of her and placed it on the bedside table. She pulled the covers over the sleeping teen and as she made her way out of the room she hit the lights.

When she made her way into their bedroom, Alex saw the Olivia was already settled into her side of the bed wearing boxer shorts and an NYPD sweatshirt. Alex left the bedside light on and climbed in next to Olivia and wrapped her arms around her, "I know you're still awake."

"What gave it away?"

"I heard the water stop of few minutes ago, there is no way you fell asleep in two minutes."

"Is she all settled in?"

"Yep she is fast asleep." Both women were silent for a moment when once again Alex broke the silence by whispering in Liv's ear, "Liv, please show me."

Without saying anything Olivia flipped over so that she was lying on her back, she slowly pulled the sweatshirt over her head and let it fall onto the floor. Alex reached out and pulled Liv's right arm towards her so that she could see it in the light. She quietly ran her fingers over the healed scars that were scattered over her lover's arms. She saw that they weren't the only ones and that there were some on the other arm, on her chest and upper thighs. Alex saw that tears were welling up in Olivia's eyes, so she turned off the light and pulled her in close, kissed the scars on Olivia's arms and chest and soon Olivia broke down crying in Alex's arms.

Alex simply held her and let her cry and just as they were drifting off to sleep she kissed the top of Olivia's head and whispered, "I still think your beautiful." And with that both women fell asleep after a rather long first day back.


	28. Wet Behind The Ears

The next morning Alex and Olivia knew that they had to go down to the station with Haddie to start getting her ready for the trail, but they weren't in any great hurry. Alex and Olivia both woke up when the alarm went off. They both got out of bed and fumbled around the bedroom and bathroom trying to get ready. Eventually they both made their way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. Alex was about to go check the guest bedroom and wake Haddie up, but she looked up and realized that the teenager was outside on the balcony strumming Olivia's guitar. As she started to walk closer Olivia stopped her and urged her to wait and see what the teen was doing before they intervened. Sure enough after tuning the guitar the ten started to play and sing along to a rather morbid country song.

_If I die young bury me in satin  
Lay me down on a bed of roses  
Sink me in the river at dawn  
Send me away with the words of a love song  
oh oh oh oh_

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother  
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and  
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no  
ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well  
I've had just enough time

If I die young bury me in satin  
Lay me down on a bed of roses  
Sink me in the river at dawn  
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, well  
I've had just enough time

And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom  
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger  
I've never known the lovin' of a man  
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand  
There's a boy here in town says he'll love me forever  
Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life, well  
I've had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls  
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no I'll sell them for a dollar  
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner  
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'  
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

If I die young bury me in satin  
Lay me down on a bed of roses  
Sink me in the river at dawn  
Send me away with the words of a love song  
oh oh

The ballad of a dove  
Go with peace and love  
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket  
Save them for a time when your really gonna need 'em oh

The sharp knife of a short life, well  
I've had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls.

Alex immediately became concerned, but Olivia stayed calm, she knew that the song was simply that, but she wondered if Haddie took the lyrics to heart. She motioned to Alex to stay inside and she walked out onto the balcony and took a seat next to Haddie.

"I see you found my guitar."

"I sorry I used it without your permission; I just needed to do something with my hands."

"No apologies, anything in this house is yours to use, and I would rather you use your hands to play this to hurt yourself."

An intense look of shame came across the teens face and she stared down at her feet. Olivia grabbed the guitar out of her hands and put it down against the wall and then she knelt down so that her eyes met Haddie, "can you show me where? I'm not going to get mad; I just want to make sure that the cuts don't get infected." Haddie slowly rolled up her left arm sleeve and revealed to Olivia about 5 fresh cuts that had only recently stopped bleeding. Olivia went into the apartment and came back with a roll of gauze and a first aid kit. She quickly tended to the teens arm and did so without saying a word. When she finished she started to walk back inside, "you feel like some breakfast?"

"You aren't mad at me?"

"Mad, no. Worried, yes. When we go into the office there is a friend of mine that I want you to meet, would that be ok?"

"Let me guess, it's a shrink?"

"You don't have to keep seeing him, but Alex and I need to know where we go from here in order to help you the best way we can, ok?"

"Ok." The teen grabbed the guitar and followed Olivia inside. Haddie went into her room to change clothes and Alex looked at Olivia waiting for an explanation.

"She cut herself this morning."

"What are going to do Liv, we can't watch her 24/7 and she needs real help?"

"I called George and asked if for right now he can talk to her and give us a sense of where we stand. Maybe get her to a point where court won't seem so bad and that she can handle it."

"How can you be so calm about this, Liv she is hurting herself in our house?"

"Alex right now she needs to know someone supports her and will keep picking her up when she falls. This kind of healing, takes time and patience."

"If you saw so, do you think she's going to be ok?"

"She's a fighter, she'll find her way through and she'll be ok." At that moment Haddie repapered dressed in jeans and a long sleeved shirt. All three women sat and ate breakfast quietly and within the hour they were out the door heading toward the 1-6. Once they were there Haddie went off with George, Olivia went to her desk to finish the paper work on the case and Alex went to go meet the ADA who was going to be handling the case as now she was too close to it.

About an hour after they went in Haddie came out of the room and George motioned for Olivia to come in. Olivia closed the door behind her and sat down in the chair that was across from George, "what do you think is she going to be able to handle the trial?"

"I think with a little help she'll be able to handle it, the constant cutting is the main concern though. From what I can tell, she doesn't want to die, so you can rest assured about that, but the chronic need to cut shows to me that she is probably addicted to it. She wants to stop, but she literally needs it to function, or at least her body thinks it does."

"So what do we do to help her?"

"Start her with a therapist, because of her age I would stay away from medications. Tell her that you understand, make her understand that you lived through it and look how well you turned out. Right now she needs to know she is on solid ground before she moves forward."

"Thanks, I owe you, ok?" Olivia walked out of the office and went to find Haddie. She found the teen sitting at her desk and saw that she was reading her own file. Olivia reached for the file, but she was stopped when Haddie stop her hand. The teen looked up at Olivia, "are you really charging my parents with attempted murder?"

"They would have killed you if your neighbors hadn't called the police when they did."

"What if they get off, you can't try them twice and they will come after me." Olivia knelt down so that her gaze met the teenager's, "listen to me ok, on my life I promise you, no one will ever hurt you like that again, even if it means I have to stand over you with my gun for the rest of my life, ok no one will hurt you. Now how about we go see Alex and meet the prosecutor in charge of your case." The teen quickly got up and followed Olivia out of the office and both of them made their way over to Alex's office where they found her slightly hidden behind a massive pile of papers.

"Alex are you under there?"

"Liz wasn't kidding when she said I should get used to paperwork for a few days. What are you two doing down here anyway?"

"You told us to come by and met up with the prosecutor that is taking over for you, they here yet?"

"Yes, she is in with Liz, some rookie fresh from the bar exam."

"Seriously, we catch a case this big and they are handing it to a wet behind the ears baby lawyer."

Just as Olivia was about to continue ranting the shadow that had been standing in the doorway spoke, "now I have been called a great many things, by a great many people, but the last thing I am is wet behind the ears Liv."

With a rather shocked expression spread across her face Olivia turned around and soon looked like she had seen a ghost, "Casey."

"You going to stand there all day Liv or are going to do something productive with my law degree?"


	29. I May Be Young, But I'm Not Stupid

Alex was just as surprised as Olivia was at Casey triumphant return. She only knew Casey from the work she did on her own case when she came out of witness protection. She knew that the young ADA had been disbarred, but clearly that was all in the past. After Casey and Olivia finished hugging each other they all sat down and started to discuss how best to proceed with Haddie's case.

"Ok so basically in order to make this go our way neither one of you can touch it. Alex shouldn't even be in this meeting right now, but because you are her legal guardians for the time being you have a legal right to be in the room. Elliot was the primary arresting officer anyway so that shouldn't be an issue, but they may call you up to the stand because you were the one who talk to her in the hospital. You recorded the whole thing right?"

"Every word that was spoken is on the tape, at one point Haddie used Sign Language and there was no way to record that."

"I'll check on the security tapes, she was still in the ER and they keep the camera footage on archive. Past that it's a matter of testimony, Olivia's shouldn't be that hard to navigate, but we need to go over Haddie's." Casey looked at the teenager who had until that point been reading a book, but perked up when her name was called. Olivia knew she was still scared about testifying, but they needed her in order to shut this case quick. Olivia sat down next to Haddie and held her hand, "I know it's scary, but you can do this and Alex and I will be right there in the room with you ok. Just go through what happened that night and tell the truth and I promise you this will be over soon ok."

The teenager nodded and turned towards Casey, "where do you want me to start?" After about an hour of going over testimony Casey decided that they had gone over everything that they needed to and that there was no real reason for them to stay at the office any longer. Casey stopped off in Liz's office before all four women headed out of the building. Olivia got Haddie and Alex settled in the car and then turned to say goodbye to Casey.

"I'm really glad you came back Casey. I don't know if I would trust anyone else with this case."

"I'm glad I could help, she seems like a sweet kid, smart too, she just has to be ready for the defense attorney to throw some mud at her."

"I know, we'll work with her. I should get her home before she falls asleep in the backseat. Seriously Casey, thank you for this."

"It's my job Liv, and if I can help you out then that is an added bonus."

Olivia got in the car and headed home with Haddie and Alex. When they got there Haddie barely made it in the door of her bedroom before she was asleep. Alex and Olivia made some tea and settled on the couch before they went to bed.

"You think she's ready for tomorrow?"

"She'll do great, it's going to be hard and it may get ugly, but she's strong and we'll be right there with her."

"But your forgetting, Liv it's not like we can hold her hand she is going to be up on that stand all by herself with some stupid defense attorney pushing her to break."

"Alex she has the one thing that the defense doesn't have."

"What's that?"

"The truth." Alex smiled and gave Liv a kiss on the cheek before grabbed both mugs and putting them into the sink. "Come on babe, we have a very big day tomorrow and so does our girl, sleep might do us both some good." Olivia followed Alex into the bedroom and within a matter of moments they were both sound asleep in each other's arms. When the morning came Alex woke up 15 minutes before the alarm sounded and carefully extracted herself from Olivia's grasp and hopped in the shower. When she got out Olivia was still asleep so she decided to go wake up Haddie and make sure she was getting ready. Alex found Haddie, not in her room, but once again on the balcony just starring out at the city as it started to move with the hustle of the morning commute. Alex took a seat next to her and waited for her to say something.

"Do you think I can do this?"

"I know you can do this, the question is do you think so?"

"I'm scared, but I know I can do this."

"Good that makes my pep talk drastically shorter. Look you know Liv and I will be right there with you, but things may get a little harsh when the defense questions you."

"What do I do if they attack me?"

"Remind yourself that you have the one thing that they don't have; you have the truth." Haddie smiled and Alex gave the teen a soft hug before heading in side to get dressed. She walked past Olivia who handed her a cup of coffee, "how is she doing?"

"So far she's fine, but maybe you should go give a little more courage before she gets dressed." Alex disappeared into the bedroom to get ready for court leaving Olivia with Haddie. Olivia grabbed the first aid box and headed outside to where Haddie was sitting.

"You going to try to give my pep talk too?"

"Maybe, but if you want I can just change the dressing on your arm and leave."

"No, I'm sorry I'm just a little on edge."

"It's ok to be scared you know."

"What am I supposed to do if I get scared while I'm talking or I say something wrong?"

"Listen to me ok, you are going to be great, just remember what I told you that night I met you in the hospital. Do you remember what I told you about Esther?"

"She saved her people even though it meant risking her own life. You said that my name was the definition of strength."

"Exactly. When she risked her life don't you think she was scared, scared she could mess up and her people would die, or that she would die? She didn't let her fear change what she knew in her heart to be the right thing to do. She trusted in God and knew that she wasn't alone. You aren't going to be alone today and you just have to remember courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. You are going to do great and no matter what happens just remember you not alone up there ok." Olivia kissed the top of Haddie's head, "now come on inside and eat something before you get ready."

Olivia, Alex and Haddie all finished getting ready and soon were out the door and at the courthouse. Judge Petrovsky was the presiding judge for the case which could be good or bad depending on what happened, she generally had a soft spot for kids and the cases attached to them. The Morino's sat at the opposite table with their lawyer, a new guy that neither Olivia nor Alex had gone up against before. Court came to order and opening argument came and went quickly. Casey only had two people on her list of witnesses and the recording of the 911 call. She called Elliot as her first witness.

"Detective Stabler, you were the arresting officer in this case can you tell the court what happened between you and your partner arriving at the hospital and you making and you arresting the Morino's?"

"My partner and I met Hadassah at the hospital and my partner conducted the interview because it was clear that the victim didn't feel comfortable with a man in the room. When she gave me the green light and the tape of the interview I took it to the only judge who was still awake at that hour and got an arrest warrant. The Morino's lawyered up right away so we collected the evidence from their apartment and the hospital and now here we are."

Casey asked Elliot a few more questions about the arrest and then the defense was up to bat.

"Detective Stabler, does your partner make it a habit of taking in every child that you come into contact with in your line of work?"

"Objection your honor, relevance?"

"Your honor Detective Benson and her girlfriend took Hadassah Morino in after she was discharged and I wonder if this is a common practice."

"You have five minutes Mister Barker, otherwise move on."

Elliot answered the question, "no, but this girl was special, she was being released and she wouldn't have fared well in a home."

"But why this girl Detective, why not a child you helped last week or last year?"

"You'd have to ask her that, I can't read her mind."

"Nothing further Detective." The defense called in a few other witnesses, none of which really helped their case and when they were out of witnesses, Casey called the only other name on her's.

"Your honor, the People call Hadassah Morino to the stand."

Hadassah got up from her seat in between Olivia and Alex and approached the witness stand. The bailiff stood up and placed the Bible in front of her and swore her in and she took her seat. Judge Petrovsky leaned over and covered her microphone and asked, "do you need the ASL interpreter dear?"

"No thank your honor, I can do this myself." Judge Petrovsky smiled and allowed the court to continue and with that Casey stood up and began her questioning.

"Hadassah can you tell the court what happened that night of July 12th?"

"I was in my room reading and working on some music I was working on and I heard my dad yelling from downstairs. I tried to ignore him, but he stormed upstairs and came busting into my room with my mother standing behind him. He said something about how someone at school had seen bruises and that he got a call from CPS. He yelled at me about being careless and the more he yelled the closer he got to me. Finally he pulled his hand back and punched me in the face. I don't know what happened I guess I just got tired of not fighting back and I snapped, I threw my hand open palmed upward towards his face and broke his nose. It was the first time I had ever hurt him before and I was in shock and before I could move he had his hands around my neck and he was strangling me. He let go after a little while, just before I passed out. I fell onto the floor and that's when my mother came up and started to kick me in the ribs. When she left the room my father pulled me up by my shirt and threw against a wall and hit me in my face a few more times before he let me fall to the floor and her left the room." By the end of her explanation, Haddie was in complete tears and Alex and Olivia both had tears in their eyes also.

"Hadassah, did you fear that your life was in danger?"

"What do you mean was, they're still technically free people, my life is still, at this moment in danger, but yes I thought they were going to kill me that night."

"Nothing further, your witness."

Mr. Barker stood up, "Hadassah, you were treated for your injuries at the hospital, but there was also a note for a Psych consult, can you tell us about that."

"Legally I don't have to tell you anything about the consult itself, its privileged information, everything you need to know is in that file already." Alex smirked at the rather brazen f-you to the defense attorney.

"According to this file, you were also treated for self-inflicted injuries. Are you a cutter Hadassah?"

"Yes, I'm in therapy for it, but yes I am."

"So you're crazy, unstable?" Before Casey could even object Hadassah spoke up for herself. "Crack open a DSM-IV councilor, self harm is an illness that is categorized within its respected pages. 1% of the population of the world are involved in self harm, 72% of that population are cutters, 14% of them do a combination of cutting, head banging, bone breaking or trichotillomania. So, to answer your question, no councilor I am not, nor have I ever been crazy. Depressed yes, but then again most abused children are."

The entire court was stunned silent at the teenager's eloquent speech that caused the baby defense attorney to stumble for a moment.

"Why didn't you tell someone that your parents were hurting you?"

"They told me they would kill me and they almost did so I would say my fear was well founded."

"I see, can you tell the court what happened on November 16th of last year?"

Hadassah's face got red, "I was hospitalized."

"Why?"

"I was 5150'd for trying to kill myself."

"How did you attempt to end your life?"

"I slit my wrists. I passed out from blood loss and a neighbor found me, called 911."

"So what I am hearing is that your psychological problems caused you to be suicidal and that maybe you didn't tell anyone about the abuse because secretly you wished your parents would kill you, make it easy for you."

"Objection your honor, the defense is badgering a teenager and is stepping way out of line."

"The jury will disregard the last statement made by defense and you Mr. Barker are on my last nerve and very thin ice."

"My apologizes your honor, no further questions."

"You honor may I say something. I'd like to answer Mr. Barker's question/comment if I may." Judge Petrovsky smiled at the teen, "if you're sure you want to, then the floor is yours Ms. Morino."

"Mr. Barker if that is what you think you are hearing from my testimony then check your hearing. Yes I did want to die, but I lived. I survived, and I have to believe God kept me alive because I was meant to do something good in this life, in my life. I never, never wanted my parents to hurt me, I hoped and prayed that one day they might love me, but that day never came and it never will and I have to make peace with that. I didn't think that anyone would listen to me so I kept my secret and I almost took it with me to my grave. Mr. Barker do you know what my names stands for? I'll tell you; my name is the Hebrew name of the greatest Queen Persia ever knew and one of the strongest women in the Bible, Esther of Susa. God raised her up from nothing and made her a Queen so that she could save her people. God saved me, kept me alive, and while I may not need to save an entire race of people today I am standing up to you and my parents and saving myself. I deserve a better life than the one they have given me. You kept asking why Olivia took me home and I honestly cannot answer that question, but what I can say is that in 3 days that woman and her partner have given me the first real home I've ever had. In three days they have loved me like I was their own flesh and blood; they have loved me like parents love their child."

Haddie stood up from the witness stand and walked down so that she was nose to nose with the defense attorney, "Mr. Barker this morning a very smart woman told me that I have the one thing you don't have and that is the truth. All you have are lies my parents told to try to save their own skins and the fact that you are still standing here defending them is something that you will have to live with for the rest of your life. Today you played dirty Mr. Barker, but you underestimated me. You saw me as a weak and defenseless child, but I am anything but weak, I may not be as strong as my namesake, but I stood up to you and them and that is a hell of a first step. Watch me closely as I walk out of this courtroom today Mr. Barker, because I will walk out of here with my head held high and your dignity in my hand. Learn this lesson once Mr. Barker; never underestimate the power of a woman or in this case, a teenager, with a copy of the New York Penal Code." And with that Haddie slammed the book on the defense table and as she turned to leave the room she turned around and looked her parents in the eye and said, "God forgive you, because I never will." After soaking in the pale look on her parents' faces and the few tears that formed in Mr. Barker's eyes Hadassah walked out of the courtroom leaving a very shocked courtroom.

Alex and Olivia quickly ran after the teen and found her bracing herself against the window outside the courtroom. They quickly walked over and Olivia started to rub the teens back which caused her to wrap her arms around Olivia ad hold on for dear life.

"I screwed things up didn't I?"

Olivia and Alex both laughed, "you're joking right, you just made a defense attorney cry and I think he had to look up what one of those medical terms even meant."

"I've been a lawyer for a long time kiddo and I still haven't made one of them cry in open court. You did beautifully." About half an hour later a court officer called the women back in to hear the verdict, which came in rather quickly.

"Has the jury reached a verdict?"

"We have your honor, in the above titled case, we find the defendants guilty of attempted murder in the first degree."

"Defendants are held at Rickers until sentencing." After the Mornino's were led out of the room the Judge's eyes fell on Haddie, "Ms. Morino would you please approach the bench." Haddie walked slowly to the front of the room and stood before the judge

"Your honor."

"Apparently hanging around Alexandra has rubbed off on you and even she hasn't reduced a grown man to tears in court before. Promise me something dear."

"Anything your honor."

"When you go to college give some serious thought to law, it would be a waste to do anything else and if you tune those skills of yours, you could be greater than all of us."

With a huge smile on her face Haddie responded, "I will do that your honor, thank you." Haddie walked back to Olivia and Alex and all three women grabbed Elliot and Casey and headed out to celebrate a job well down, a closed case and the bright future of the future DA that was growing up before their eyes.


	30. Making This Feeling Last

**Glad that everyone enjoyed the last chapter and thanks for all the reviews, school is hectic and so is my life, but I'm still trying to get something out as often as I can. Hope you enjoy the next few chapters. I have the rest of the story planned out and so at some point I am going to finish this one and start its sequel so keep your eyes peeled.**

Things had settled down since the court date and Haddie had finally settled into life with Liv and Alex. Summer was still going on so finding a school was still on the back burner, plus neither Liv nor Alex knew if Haddie was going to be staying with them or not. Despite the uncertainty, things went back to normal. On this particular night Liv was stuck at the office with Elliot working late and Alex was at home with Haddie. Both were fast asleep, or at least they were before Haddie had a nightmare that shocked her awake. She had been having them ever since she was released from the hospital so this one was nothing new. She woke up in a cold sweat and after her breathing finally slowed down she climbed out of bed, grabbed her sweat soaked sheets off the bed and threw them into the washer. She then walked into the hall bathroom and climbed in the shower; normally she would go get Olivia or Alex, but she didn't want to bother Alex and she knew Liv wasn't home.

As quiet as she was Alex still heard the water in the bathroom running and immediately knew what was going on. This had become a common occurrence with Haddie and taking a shower always made her feel better. Alex got out of bed and grabbed her robe. She then went over to Liv's drawers and pulled out one of her NYPD tshirts, sprayed some of Olivia's perfume on it. She quickly put the shirt on the towel rack in the bathroom and slipped out before Haddie noticed her presence there. She quickly busied herself making some tea in the kitchen, waiting for Haddie to get out of the shower. She didn't have to wait long as about ten minutes later the water stopped running and soon after Haddie came out into the kitchen wearing the shirt Alex left for her.

"Thanks for the shirt."

"Anytime, are you feeling better after the shower?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry I woke you."

"Don't be, I was waiting up for Olivia anyway. You want to talk about it?"

Haddie shook her head, "you shouldn't have to hear about all my bad dreams, no one needs that in their head."

"You have it in your head; you know your doctor said that talking about it was always better than keeping in it in until you couldn't handle it anymore."

"It was the same as the last one, nothing new." Haddie settled into the couch and took the mug Alex offered her.

"I'm sorry the nightmares keep waking you up, you need rest more than anything." Alex saw the teen rub her arm softly as if trying to calm the pain coming from her wounds. "How does your arm feel?"

"Hurts a little bit, but I'll be fine."

"You know you don't always have to be strong, Liv and I are here to take care of you. Now really how is your arm?"

"It hurts."

"How about I change the bandage on it and get you some pain killers, maybe they even let you get some sleep." Alex walked out of the room and quickly returned with a first aid kit and a bottle of Advil. She gave Haddie two of the Advil's and took out the clean gauze from the kit. She gently unwrapped Haddie's arm and realized why the girl's arm was bothering her. The cuts on her forearm were raised and red and quite possibly infected. Alex rubbed some of the ointment on the cuts and then loosely wrapped the arm in clean gauze.

"There you go all better, but if they are still bothering you by the end of the week we should really have a doctor look at them, ok."

The teen swallowed the pills and nodded, "ok, thank you Alex."

"For what?"

"For taking me in and helping me out, you and Liv didn't have to do that. I mean I'm sure the two of you have better things to do then babysit a crazy teenager that got beat up by her parents."

Alex was truly at a loss for words, she didn't realize how much the teenager still blamed herself for the events of previous weeks. "Hey, Liv and I took you in because we each saw something in you that was special and we love you, ok. And we are not babysitting you and the last thing you are is crazy. Honey, everyone has problems and you are no different. And honey the truth is some people just get jerks for parents, your just happen to be worse than others."

"Were your parents' jerks?"

"My father was a wonderful man, but my mother is most defiantly a jerk. She and I never really got along and when my dad died things got worse and now we don't talk anymore."

"Why?"

"When I was young she and I always fought about everything; school, clothes, life and when I got older the fighting turned into her disapproving of my life choices like jobs and now she disapproves of who I'm dating."

"Why doesn't she like Liv? I mean she's nice, pretty, smart and funny and she's a cop, what's the issue?"

Alex smiled, "her gender."

Suddenly the teen understood what Alex meant, "you mom isn't chill with you being gay?"

"That's putting it mildly, she hates that I'm gay, she thinks I chose this life and that if I want to I could change my mind and be attracted to men. We haven't talked in about a month. Liv told her that if she wanted to be a part of our family she had to accept us as we are and until she could do that she was not welcome in our home or in our lives."

"That took guts, she must really love you."

"I really love her too."

A sad smile crept across Haddie's face, "no one has ever loved me that much."

Alex wanted to cry, but instead she hugged the teenager close to her, "well someone does now, Liv and I love you that much. You can feel safe here because no one is ever going to hurt you again ok, I promise you that much." The teen snuggled closer to Alex and eventually Alex leaned back so that she and Haddie were laying flat on the couch with Alex's head propped up on a pillow and soon both of them were fast asleep. About an hour later Olivia finally came walking through the door she dropped her jacket and keys on the dining room table and after locking the door behind her she made her way towards the bedrooms, but something stopped her. The TV in the living room was on and that meant that someone was on the couch. When Liv got closer she smiled at the sight before her. She saw that Haddie had one of her tshirts on and she figured that she must have had a nightmare and Alex gave her the shirt. Trying not to scare either of them Olivia turned off the TV and then turned her attention to the two sleeping women. Olivia thought about moving them, but decided against it, they were both peacefully asleep and that was worth the aches they would both have in the morning from sleeping like that. Olivia changed into her sleep clothes and instead of sleeping her and Alex's bed she grabbed a blanket and settled into the lazy boy next to the couch. And there she fell asleep thinking that this felt good; coming home to a partner and a child, making sure they're safe by sleeping in the same room as them. Her final thought as she fell fast asleep was how she could make this feeling last.


	31. The Importance of Dried Ink

**Thanks for all the reviews everyone. School is crazy and there is so much to do in this city and four months is passing quickly by so thanks for being patient with me. Hope this chapter is up to standard and you enjoy it. Happy reading!**

The month was fast coming to an end and both Liv and Alex knew that they needed to find a school for Haddie if she was going to be staying with them. They also had to find out about her staying with them, but that would have to wait for the time being as they already had school tours lined up for the beginning of the week. The first one was scheduled for the next morning and Haddie was slightly nervous at the idea of going to visit schools. She was smart, she knew that, but school was never a great place for her; she didn't make friends easy and she tended to keep to herself because of her home life. She was quiet at dinner and both Olivia and Alex noticed it.

Olivia was the first to say something, "Haddie, you ok, you haven't actually eaten anything on your plate."

The teen snapped back into reality, "sorry, I spaced out a little."

"Does that trip to space have something to do with tomorrow and visiting schools."

"Maybe." Haddie mumbled and lowered her head slightly to avert Olivia gaze.

"You know it's ok to be scared, but it's going to be fine. It's just a tour and if we like it then maybe you can meet some of the students while we are there."

Alex tried next, "can you tell us what has you so upset about this tour?"

"I'm going to be the crazy girl that everyone ostracizes and in a matter of days I will be a social pariah."

Olivia smiled, "first of all, you and Alex can now take turns using big words that make my brain hurt and second, you aren't crazy and no one will think that. Honey you stood strong through hell, there is no shame in that. You'll have a clean slate here; you don't have to tell them anything you don't want to, ok. Besides, baby its high school, no one fits in high school, not even the popular kids so don't think you're going to be the only person who sticks out."

Haddie finally cracked a smile and started to eat her dinner. When she left the table to go get ready for bed Alex and Olivia voiced their own fears about the coming morning.

"You think she'll be ok. I mean high school can be rough Liv, and now she has her past to deal with and the whole I have two moms thing, I just hope…" Alex trailed off because Olivia had the biggest shit eating grin on her face and it was distracting. "What are you grinning at?"

"You just said that she will have to deal with the having two moms thing, you just called us her mothers." Alex turned a slight shade of pink which Olivia found adorable, "was I wrong to say that?"

"Is that what you want? To be her parents, raise her, make her our daughter?"

"Yes."

Olivia walked over to Alex and gave a quick kiss and wrapped her arms around her waist, pulling her close to her, "Good then I didn't waste my time or breath in calling Casey to see how plausible it would be to adopt her." Alex's face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning, "you think that we'll be able to, that they'll let us adopt her."

"Casey said it shouldn't be an issue because we have already proved that we can provide a safe place for her to live and flourish, but she did say that there was one thing we could do to make it go a little smoother."

"What is it and why aren't we doing it already?"

"Slow down, it's because it isn't a tiny thing like writing a check Alex. She said that they are more willing to let gay couples adopt if they are registered domestic partners."

Slowly Alex realized why this wasn't as easy as send someone money, but that didn't stop the next thing from coming out of her mouth, "so let's do it."

Olivia was in a slight state of shock, "just like that, Alex this is the first step in us basically getting married, you get that right. After this we just have to hop over to a state where gay marriage is legal and that's it."

"Are you saying you don't want to marry me detective?" Alex smiled because she totally knew the answer.

"I absolutely want to marry you, but when it happens it's going to be complete with the cheesy proposal and all that jazz, is this something you really want to do I mean we never talked about it before?"

"I've always found that actions speak louder than words."

Olivia smiled and let go of Alex long enough to walk over to the stack of mail on the desk near the door, she picked up and envelope and handed it to Alex, "we just have to sign these in front of a judge in order to be registered domestic partners, Casey had everything filled out for us in case we decided to get started right away." Alex almost knocked Olivia over running past her to grab the phone. As soon as she had it she speed dialed Liz and as this was going on Haddie came back into the room in her PJ's and was shocked to see Alex in such a frenzied state.

"Is Alex ok?"

"She'll be fine, she's just excited."

"I can see why visiting high schools would put her in such a stellar mood." Haddie deadpanned.

"That's not it, we are, well we…I'm going to wait for her to get off the phone and then we'll talk, ok?"

"Whatevs."

Alex finished her phone call in a matter of minutes and she joined Olivia and Haddie in the living room.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No honey, this is good news. Alex and I have something really important to ask you. I know that you've only been with us for two months, but we feel like it's been longer than that and the idea of you not being in this house and in our lives made us realize that we don't want you to leave, ever. So what we're asking you is; what would you think about Alex and I adopting you, making you an honest to God member of our family?"

Haddie was shocked silent, but after a moment to collect herself passed she swallowed hard, "you want to keep me? Like forever?"

"Like forever."

Tears welled in the teenagers eyes and the words that fell out of her mouth were choked out through a steady stream of tears, "I think I'd really like that and I mean all my stuff is already here so really it just makes sense." The humor made all the women smile, "I don't know how to thank you both for this."

Alex grabbed the teens hands in her, "you don't have to thank us for anything, having you in our lives and in our house made our family just that a family. You told me that no one ever loved you enough to sacrifice everything to protect you and keep you safe, well now you will never be able to say that ever again, because as soon as the ink is dry on your adoption papers you have that kind of love."

"So what was with the frantic phone calls?"

"In order to make your adoption go a little faster, Olivia and I are registering as domestic partners."

"Straight up, you guys are doing that so that you can get me?"

"Well, that and we kind like each other."

"Well, in that case I'm going to go to bed and leave the happy couple to their celebrating. Goodnight."

"Night."

As soon as Haddie's door was closed Alex looked at Olivia, "hey Liv."

"Yeah babe."

"We're going to be parents."

"I know."

**Short I know, but it felt good to end it there and it is four in the morning in Rome so I'm going to bed. Hope you enjoyed…please review for more.**


	32. Just You Wait

**So this chapter has some triggering points so anyone with self harm habits be forewarned. Past that thanks for all the reviews and I hope the length in this one makes up for the fact that it took a long time to update. Thanks for all the reviews and enjoy.**

They had been to ten different schools and while all of them where nice and had comprehensive curriculums none of them stood out to Alex, Olivia or Haddie. The last visit was at Columbia Grammar and Preparatory School. They had been to both public schools and private and this one had the best reviews. As they walked up the steps Alex pulled Olivia aside, "do you think we'll like this one?"

"Well considering it's our last shot, I hope we like it. Look Elliot would have sent his kids here if the tuition weren't so expensive. It has a good history and I think it looks promising. Just keep an open mind." They walked into the school and into the front office and then sat waiting for the headmaster to come out and greet them. After roughly five minutes the headmaster walked out of his office and stopped in front of Olivia and Alex.

"Ms. Cabot, Ms. Benson welcome to Columbia Prep, I'm Mr. Marks the headmaster."

Alex and Olivia each shook his hand, "thank you for making time to meet with us and schedule a tour Mr. Marks."

"My pleasure Ms. Cabot, we can always use more bright students to add to our population and from the records you sent over I feel your daughter would do wonderfully here. Speaking of which this must be Hadassah." He extended his hand and Haddie shook it, "it's nice to meet you sir."

"Smart and well mannered, you'll fit in here just fine Ms. Morino. Come I'll show you some of the main points and then I will be handing you off to a student tour guide." After about half an hour walking around with the headmaster they all made their way back to the front office where there was a young man waiting for them. Mr. Marks went over and patted the young man on the shoulder, "Joshua, right on time. Ms. Cabot, Ms. Benson, this is Joshua Kerns, Joshua is one of our ambassadors for the school and he will be finishing you tour. Joshua, this Ms. Cabot and Ms. Benson and their daughter Hadassah." The young man stuck out his hand and shook Olivia's and Alex's hand before he smiled at Haddie.

"It's a pleasure to meet you ladies, now if you'll follow me I can show the parts of the school that Mr. Marks couldn't cover." He held open the door and the women filled back out into the hallways. He took them into the gym, showed them the theater room, showed them in inside of a few classrooms all the while answering their questions about tuition and a number of other things. Haddie seemed very at ease being in the school and talking to Joshua. Olivia noticed that every once in a while she would stare just a little longer than necessary at the young man. Besides her obvious crush on their tour guide, Haddie seemed to love the school as much as Olivia and Alex did. When they went back to the front office, Olivia and Alex had made up their mind to fill out an application before they left. So while they worked on that with the headmaster Haddie waited in the front office for them to finish. Eventually, Joshua sat down next to her and for a few moments they both stared at their hands in awkward silence.

"So, you have two moms?" As soon as he said, Joshua realized how stupid it sounded, but he was relieved when Haddie laughed.

"You're quite the charmer, wanna try again?"

"Please, Joshua David Kerns." He stuck his hand out and Haddie took it.

"Hadassah Morino, and yes I do have two moms."

"Cool, sorry about just blurting it out, when I don't know what to say I simply state the obvious. Sometime I think I just open my mouth and insert my foot."

"It's fine, it's kind of nice to meet someone who is that honest, even if it is on accident."

"So your folks gonna have you come here."

"Looks that way."

"I know this may seem a little awkward, but a bunch of my friends are going out tonight to grab pizza and a movie to sort of celebrate the last few days of summer and if you wanna come you could meet some people before school starts."

"Let me ask if I can go."

"Sure, I'll wait here." At that moment Alex and Olivia walked out of the office; Alex was busy organizing the papers and giving something to the secretary but Olivia looked up, "Haddie you ready to go?"

Haddie walked over to Olivia, "would it be ok if I went with Joshua to meet some kids from school and hang out. I promise I'll be careful and safe and be back before it gets late, but please can I go?" Olivia was about to say she something, but she lost whatever it was pretty quickly when Haddie jumped in again, "please mom." At that moment Haddie could have asked her for a puppy and a car and Olivia would have given it to her.

"Be back by 9 ok and call us to let us know where you all are going." The teen hugged her tight before running over to Joshua. The young man looked up and Olivia motioned for him to come over to her.

"I promise we will be back before 9 Ms. Benson and my mom is driving us so we'll be safe and all that." Olivia found it a little bit funny as to how much this kid was trying to suck up to her, but she thought it was cute and sincere. She reached into her jacket pocket and handed the kid her business card, "you hold onto this ok and if anything happens you call me." The poor kid's face turned a new shade of white when he saw the word Detective in front of Olivia's name, "yes ma'am" was all he could choke out. With that he and Haddie walked out of the office, leaving a very confused Alex.

"Where are they going?" When Olivia didn't answer Alex waved her hand in front of her face.

"Hello, Liv, you spaced on me there babe, what happened?"

"She called me mom Alex."

Alex pulled Olivia into a hug, "you ok?"

"I liked the way it sounded Alex."

"Good, get used to it, because if she thinks that every time she says it you'll give her what she wants were going to have to toughen up as parents."

"Shut up and let's go home, I didn't even spend this much time in high school when I was in high school."

"Why I am I not surprised, what were you the rebel that got caught smoking in the bathroom or did you date all the football players?"

"Forget the bathroom, I smoked in the hallway and practically dared them to kick me out."

"Why didn't they?"

"Just because I was rebellious doesn't mean I was a bad student, I was on the frickin honor roll, so they let me stay."

"Let's keep the smoking bit a secret until she's in college ok?"

"If you say so, now let's go home because the tuition check I'm about to write is going to take a lot out of me and our bank account."

As promised Haddie made it home well before 9. Joshua walked her up to her apartment and Haddie invited him in for a minute, "hey guys were home."

Olivia looked up from the book she had in her lap, "how did it go?"

"Really good, I met some cool people, most of them are sophomores, but still they're cool kids. I just need to grab a CD from my room that I told Josh he could borrow." Haddie ran off to her room, leaving Joshua and Olivia in the living room in yet another awkward silence. Olivia finally broke it, "you do realize that you don't need to be afraid of me right? I'm a cop, nothing too scary."

"Yes ma'am. I mean, ok, I understand. Sorry I always get nervous around my friends' parents."

"You don't have to be nervous, we don't bite or anything, besides if we didn't think you were a good kid do you really think we would have let Haddie go with tonight."

"Point taken; we did have a good time though everyone really likes her and she seemed to get along with everyone."

"I'm glad she went then, new schools are crap when you don't know anyone."

"She'll do fine, I'll make sure she settles in ok."

Olivia smiled, "I appreciate that." At that moment Haddie came out of her room with the CD in her hand and gave it to Josh, "the first few tracks kind of suck, but after that it really is good."

"Thanks, I'll give it back to you at school on Monday ok, but I really gotta go my mom is double parked and I don't want your mom to give mine a ticket. I'll call you on Sunday about the textbooks ok. Bye Detective Benson." The teen closed the door behind him and Haddie flopped into the chair next to Olivia. Without taking her eyes off the book Olivia spoke up, "He's cute."

"Really I hadn't noticed."

"Liar." A small smile crept across Haddie's face and her face turned a slight shade of red. "Ok maybe he's a little cute and maybe he has nice eyes and cute smile."

"But you don't have a crush on him or anything like that." Olivia knew that Haddie had it bad for Josh and poking fun at it was too much fun to pass up.

"Nope, we're just friends." Olivia put the book down on the coffee table and before she walked out of the room and into the kitchen she stood behind the chair Haddie was sitting in and said, "you know what I used to say about Alex?"

"What?"

"That we were just friends. Your 14, you are supposed to have crushes on people and it's my job to give you a hard time about it." Olivia kissed the girl on the head before walking out of the room, leaving Haddie with a goofy grin on her face.

The next few weeks practically flew by; both Alex and Olivia were bogged down with work because of an especially difficult case and Haddie was enjoying her first few weeks of high school. Both Liv and Alex were thankful that she fit in so well at her new school; she had the friends she had met through Josh, she had Josh and she made a whole bunch of new friends in the first few weeks of school. She continued to see her therapist twice a week, but she seemed to be doing well in that department; she didn't have as many nightmares as she used to, her old cuts healed before school started and there didn't seem to be any new ones and most importantly she seemed truly happy. The adoption was in the works, the paper work had been filed, but of course the court was dragging its feet. Alex and Olivia had become registered partners, but even this didn't speed up the process very much. Despite the fact that they didn't have the papers that said it, they all felt very much like a family and that made Haddie happier than anything.

Everything had been going well for Haddie at school; her classes were going well, her friends were good people and she had no really enemies to speak of, that was until she met Cheryl. One day after school had let out, Haddie was standing at her locker with Joshua standing behind her juggling a soccer ball with his feet. They were talking about what clubs they were planning on joining when out of nowhere Cheryl Brooks, a junior, walked over to them and leaned against the locker next to Haddie.

"Hey Josh," she shot Josh a flirty grin before turning to Haddie, "Morino."

"Something I can do for you Cheryl?"

"Actually there is, you can stay away from my boyfriend."

"Last time I checked he wasn't your boyfriend, you barely talk to him, what's it to you if we hang out."

"I care because I can't very well have my boyfriend hanging out with the resident crazy freshmen now can I?"

"I'm not having this conversation with you Cheryl and I'm not crazy." Haddie closed and locked her locker and started to walk away with Josh when Cheryl decided to play dirty, "really, you not crazy, since when to sane people cut themselves and try to kill themselves."

Haddie was frozen in place, she couldn't talk and even if she could, what would she say. Josh tried to defuse the situation, "Cheryl back off, it's none of your damn business, just walk away alright."

"Then again I guess I would kill myself too if my parents hated me so much that they beat me to bloody pulp. And now look at you, so damaged that the only people willing to take you in are dykes." Haddie couldn't breathe, the tears running down her face made it hard to see, and the only thing she could think about was getting out of that school as fast as she could. When she could finally move her feet, she dropped her bag and ran for the nearest door. Before Josh could even say anything to stop her, she was long gone.

"Told you she was crazy."

"Shut up Cheryl, what the hell is wrong with you, are you that much of a heartless bitch that you don't see the damage that you just caused?" Not knowing what else to do Josh pulled out his cell phone and hit his speed dial 5 button.

At that moment Alex was in court and Olivia was in with a suspect, but her phone was on her desk. It started going off and Elliot quickly grabbed the phone and after seeing the caller ID he answered it, "Detective Benson's phone, this is Detective Stabler"

"Detective Stabler its Joshua, is Detective Benson around?"

"Sorry, Josh she is in with a suspect right now, why is everything ok? Is Haddie alright?" There was silence on the other end of the phone. "Joshua, is Haddie ok?"

"I don't know; something happened at school and some stupid girl said something to her about her parents and what happened and she just took off and I couldn't catch her, but I tried and I just didn't know who else to call."

"Calm down son, I'm gonna go get Liv just hold on." While Joshua waited for Elliot to get Olivia he got in Cheryl's face, " you better pray that nothing bad happens to her or so help me God I will make sure everyone knows you got a nose job last summer."

"I can't believe you called the cops on me."

"Wake up Cheryl her mother is a cop, yeah you screwed the pooch on this one, now get the hell out of my sight." As the girl walked away Olivia picked up the other end of the phone call, "Joshua, what's wrong?" He quickly explained what had happened, all the while Olivia was grabbing her jacket and keys. "Ok, Josh take her bag with you and I'll call you when I have something ok. No, Joshua go home and stay there ok, I will call you when I find her." With that she hung up and threw a pad of paper at Elliot, "when Alex gets out of court tell give her that note and tell her to meet me at the apartment. Tell Captain I gotta go." Without giving Elliot a chance to replay Olivia flew out of the squad room. She practically leapt down the stairs and made it to her car in record time. After throwing the siren on the roof Olivia sped out of the garage and toward the apartment. Luck was on her side as the traffic was thin and she made it to the apartment in record time and simply left her car in the loading zone, not really caring if it got towed; as she ran to the door she went to the doorman, "John did Haddie come in this way earlier?"

"Yes ma'am she did, looked pretty upset from the looks of things. She came running in here, looked like she had just run a marathon."

Olivia was at least happy to know that Haddie had come home, "John I know that this isn't you job, but can you have someone come park my car in the slot for me, I have to get to her?"

"Sure thing Detective Benson." Olivia tossed her keys to him and bolted to the stairs, she would normally take the elevator, but she was in auto pilot and she knew she could run faster than the elevator could take her. So she ran up 12 floors worth of stairs and she soon reached the apartment only to find the door open slightly. She reached for her gun before she went inside; nothing was out of place and she knew it wasn't a break in, but having the gun drawn made her feel a little bit better.

"Haddie? Honey where are you? Haddie?" Olivia checked her and Alex's room, the living room, kitchen, Haddie's room and when she literally ran out of places to look she heard the shower running in the guest bathroom. She tried the handle and it was locked so she knocked on the door, "Haddie, honey can you please let me in?"

Olivia could barely hear Haddie's voice on the other side of the door, "please go away."

"I can't do that Haddie, please honey let me in so we can talk about this." Olivia didn't hear anything back this time so she went into her bedroom drawer and came back with the tools necessary to pick a lock. Thankfully she managed to pick it in about a minute, she opened the door and saw that Haddie was still in the shower as most of her clothes were on the floor, "Haddie honey, I'm going to open the shower ok?" This time she didn't wait for a response and when she pulled open the shower door she saw Haddie in the corner of the shower with a razor blade in her hands. The startled teen looked up at her and in a cracked voice said, "I'm so sorry, but I can't do it anymore." As she was about to bring the razor to her skin again Olivia got in the shower and lunged forward catching her wrist. She took the razor out of her hand and threw outside the shower and then pulled Haddie close to her mumbling 'I've got you, its ok'. The teen sobbed for a solid ten minutes before she said anything, "you're getting all wet, you're going to ruin your jacket."

Olivia reached outside of the shower and grabbed a towel and pressed it to the cuts on Haddie's that were still bleeding steadily, "I don't care about getting wet, I can get another jacket, but I cannot replace you, so I'm going to stand here until you feel safe enough to come out, ok." Olivia held the teen close to her and waited for the crying to stop completely and eventually Haddie spoke up, "I think I want to get out now." Liv reached behind her a shut off the water and found another towel for Haddie to dry off with. As all of this was happening Alex had made her way to the squad room looking for Olivia, but instead found only Elliot, "where is Liv, she's my ride home because my car is in the shop." Elliot grabbed the note and handed it to Alex, "she told me to give this to you and meet her at the apartment." Alex scanned the note and started to panic, "can I borrow your car or can you give me ride to the apartment?" Elliot nodded, "come on I'll drive you."

At the apartment Olivia managed to get Haddie out of the shower and into some dry clothes while she herself was still soaking wet. She had almost stopped the bleeding and she was trying to call Alex, but her phone went straight to voicemail. Just as she was about to try calling again, Alex and Elliot came bursting through the front door. Alex took one look at Liv and knew something bad had happened, "you should go change into dry clothes before you get sick."

"I'm fine."

"Liv, go, I'll stay with her." Olivia got up and went into the bedroom leaving Alex with Haddie. Alex sat down on the couch with Haddie and kept hold the towel to her arm. She lifted up the towel and saw that while the bleeding had slowed it wasn't stopping. Haddie must have seen her face because she quietly asked, "Alex am I going to die?"

Alex looked at her and softly answered, "No baby, is that what you shooting for? You can tell me if it was." The teen looked at the floor and simply nodded 'yes' to Alex question and then both women started to cry and Alex pulled Haddie close to her and rocked her gently. When Olivia came out of the bedroom she went over to the couch and checked Haddie's arm and thankfully the bleeding had stopped completely and Olivia tossed the towel to the side and started to clean and bandage her arm. When she finished and it was clear that Haddie had stopped crying Olivia pushed the topic, "honey you need to tell us what happened so we can help you." Haddie nodded and told them exactly what happened and when she was finished Olivia had to hide how angry she was at the whole situation because she knew that now as not the time for anger. Elliot by this time had slipped out the door to allow the family their privacy. Once again an uncomfortable silence came over the room, but this time it was broken by Haddie, "are you guys gonna send me away?"

Olivia was taken aback, "Of course we aren't going to send you away, honey you're hurting because some bitchy teenager sent you into a tailspin by knowing what buttons to push. We're just trying to figure out how best to handle this with the school and make sure you get the best help we can find, ok."

"How could you possibly still want to adopt me, I'm damaged goods."

This time Alex jumped in, "hey listen to me, because I will only say this once ok, you are not damaged anything. You're bright and funny and honest and we love you more than anything ok. Families don't just give up on each other when things get hard honey, ok, they come together and support each other. You're a part of our family now regardless of what the state says and we don't know what we would done if you had succeeded in killing yourself. We love you honey and loving someone means loving everything they are and everything they aren't, loving the things that make them perfect and imperfect. What happened today doesn't change that we love you in any way, it just really scared us. The next time you feel like that you have to come talk to us so we can help before you get to the point where you feel this bad, ok."

"Ok, would it be ok if I go take a nap, I'm kind of tired."

"Let's have you eat something first ok and I'm going to call your doctor and see what she thinks ok." Haddie nodded and followed Olivia into the kitchen while Alex talked to the doctor on the phone. When she hung up she joined Liv and Haddie in the kitchen, "your doctor said to stay awake for a few hours to make sure you're not just tired because of the blood loss, drink a lot of water and keep the cuts as clean as possible. So finish eating and we will change the bandage before you go to bed ok."

"You should call Joshua after you eat; he was pretty upset and worried when I talked to him on the phone earlier."

"Can I go call him now?"

"Sure, leave your door open ok." Haddie took one more bite of her sandwich and went into her room with her cell phone in hand. Olivia turned to Alex, "what else did the doctor say?"

"She wants to see her first thing in the morning to evaluate her risk and after that she'll decided where we should go from there. She knows we wanted to stay away from medication, but this might change that. For now she said just keep an eye on her and make sure the razors are out of her reach; she said to ask her to give them to us not take them away or else it might cause some issues. She said like it sounded like we handled it well so she just wants to touch base with Haddie."

"I've never been that scared Alex. I mean even at work, getting shot, none of it compared to seeing her that upset and broken. When are we going to call the school about this girl, I want someone to answer for this." Alex settled next to Olivia on the couch and rubbed her back trying to calm her down, "we will call in the morning and set up a time to go in and settle this ok, we will make this right I promise. But for now I think we should just be thankful and head to bed early ok?"

"Ok, I'm going to make sure she's all settled ok." Olivia took off toward Haddie's room and when she got to open door she was about to knock, but the sight of her daughter sleeping stopped her. She liked the fact that she saw Haddie as her daughter; it made her feel like her life was more complete. She was snapped out of this thought by a small voice that was still coming out of her cell phone. When she leaned in she saw that her phone was still in the middle of a call with Joshua and the voice belonged to him. When she listened carefully she heard the young man reading poetry over the phone to Haddie. She smiled at the gesture and after she tucked Haddie in and shut off the light she picked up the phone and walked out of the room before she spoke into it.

"Hello Joshua."

"Hey Detective Benson, did Hadassah fall asleep?"

"Yeah honey she did I'm sorry."

"No don't be sorry that's why I did it; she couldn't fall asleep and I told her I read to her until she fell asleep and when the line went quiet I assumed she fell asleep."

"Then why didn't you hang up?"

"I didn't want her to wake up and think she was alone."

"What were you going to do Joshua, read to her all night?"

"If she needed me to I would have." Olivia was touched when she realized that the teenager was dead serious. "Well Josh, you should get some sleep because she is out like a light ok, I will have her call you tomorrow after her doctor appointment ok."

"Thanks Detective Benson, have a good night."

"You too honey, goodnight and thank you Joshua."

"Anytime Detective Benson, goodnight." The line went dead and Olivia put the phone back in Haddie's room before going into her and Alex's room. Alex was already in bed reading so Olivia went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. "Is she asleep Liv?"

"Yep, she's out, but she's ok." Olivia came out of the bathroom in a tshirt and shorts on and climbed into bed with Alex. "Joshua was on the phone with her, reading to her so that she wouldn't feel lonely."

"That kid is something else."

"I think he's more than that."

"What do you mean?"

"Alex you mark my words, she will marry that boy someday, just you wait."

"Olivia there is no way you could possible know that."

"Sure there is, when I saw you for the first time I knew that I was going to marry you."

"We aren't married yet."

"Just you wait."

**I realized it was a heavy chapter, but I needed to get it in there. Thanks for waiting so long, school is kicking my ass even in Italy. I ave the last few chapter planned out so review for more.**


	33. Domestic Bliss

**Glad that everyone liked the last chapter despite it being a little dark, but do not fear the next few chapters are pretty happy ones. Thanks for all the reviews you guys, some of them just make my day. Enjoy.**

In the days that followed Haddie's breakdown Olivia and Alex had taken her to her doctor and after about an hour and a half of talking she was cleared as her doctor determined that she was no longer a threat to herself. She still stayed home from school for a few days while things were settled at that end, but by the beginning of the following week she was ready to go back. The Saturday before she went back to school Joshua had called and asked if he could bring her the homework she had missed. Olivia was in the middle of cooking dinner when the buzzer for the door went off.

"Hello?"

"Evening Detective Benson, there is a young man down here asking for Haddie."

"Send him up." She went over and unlocked the door so Josh could simply come in. About three minutes later she heard someone knock on the door, "Come in Joshua." The door opened and Josh made his way into the apartment, "Evening Detective Benson."

"Hi Joshua, thank you for bring Haddie her homework that was very sweet of you."

"It's no problem Detective Benson, plus I still had her backpack and I didn't want her to go without it for too long." The young man looked at his feet for a second, "so, uh, is she, I mean to say is Haddie, you know, ok and everything." Olivia smiled at the boy, it was cute that he was so worried and that he was trying to show concern without prying.

"You can go see for yourself in you'd like, she's in the study finishing up some reading her teacher emailed her, you can go ahead in."

"Thanks, Detective Benson." With that he walked down the hallway and into the study leaving the door open behind him, which made Olivia smile because she hadn't asked him to do that. About 15 minutes later Alex walked in the door progressively dropping her briefcase, keys and coat while simultaneously taking off her shoes. She made her way over to where Olivia was standing in the kitchen and wrapped her arms around her waist. "I had the longest, most horrible day ever." Liv turned around so that was facing Alex, "poor baby, did Trevor not play nice in court today?"

"Shut up, I swear this day seemed to drag on it was so tedious, but now I'm home and whatever your making smells amazing. What is by the way?"

"Nothing complicated, just a chicken and roasted potatoes with garlic bread." Alex gave her a quick peck on the lips, "did I ever tell you that women who can cook are a huge turn on for me?" Olivia kissed her back and in between kisses whispered back, "really, I don't think you ever mentioned it before." They made out for a few minutes before something broke the silence, or rather someone, "Ewww, gross you guys I have company." Both women looked up to see a very embarrassed Haddie and Joshua with his hand covering his eyes.

Olivia laughed, "You can look now Joshua, we aren't kissing anymore."

"Thanks, Detective Benson, good evening Ms. Cabot."

"Hello Joshua, will you be joining us for dinner?"

"I don't want to impose."

"No, really there is enough food here to feed a small army; if think your folks won't mind we'd love it if you could join us."

"Can I call my mom and ask?"

"Sure honey, the phone is over there." Joshua went and called his mother, while Haddie took a seat at the bar of the kitchen counter. "You all couldn't have made out in your room like normal people and what happened to the front entry way it was clean 10 minutes ago?"

Alex turned red and Olivia started to laugh, "your mother happened to it, but she is going to go clean up after herself like a big girl or she doesn't get any pie after dinner."

Alex put on a pouty face, "fine play hardball." As she left the kitchen to gather up her mess that she had left at the front door Joshua returned from the living room. "My mom said it was fine and that she would come get me after her shift at the hospital is over if that's ok."

"Perfect, if you two want to go wash up dinner's ready." Joshua headed to the guest bathroom and before Haddie followed him, she had something she wanted to ask Olivia, "hey mom?"

"Yeah babe?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"That was a question. Of course you can ask me a question. What's up?"

"So you know how the Policeman's Ball is next week?"

"Hard to forget, your mother made me send my dress uniform to the dry cleaners to make sure it was clean and pressed, but why do you ask?"

"Well you said if I wanted to bring someone I could and I was sort of thinking of asking Josh." Olivia looked up from the plate she was putting on the table with a smile on her face, "Alex and I would have to talk about it, but I think that it would probably be ok for him to be your escort. I'll ask Alex and see what she thinks ok." Haddie nodded and left to go clean up for dinner and as she left the room Alex walked in.

"I heard my name mentioned, did I miss something?"

"Our daughter wants to bring a date to the Ball next week."

"Really and this date wouldn't by any chance be the young man joining us for dinner would it."

"Nothing gets by you. What are we thinking on this?"

"Well, I think she's a little young to date him, but I see no harm in letting them go to this party together."

"That sounds about right to me. Speaking of the Ball do you have your dress picked out?"

"Yep."

"Do I want to know how much it cost?"

"Nope."

"Perfect. Haddie, Joshua dinner." Olivia sat down and Alex grabbed the wine from the kitchen. When the teens appeared in the dining room Haddie looked at Olivia searching for an answer to her question and Olivia nodded her head and at that moment you had probably never seen a happier teenager. They enjoyed their dinner, mostly talking about random things like movies and things like that. Before they realized it Joshua's cell phone was buzzing.

"My mom is leaving the hospital now; she'll be here in 10 minutes. I should get ready to go." The young man stood up from the table and grabbed his plate as well as Haddie's. "Sorry I can't help clean up more, but I don't want her to have to find parking, I mean this is New York right."

"It's fine sweetheart, we're glad you could join us for dinner. Hopefully, we can go it again sometime soon."

"I'd like that a lot Detective Benson." He grabbed his jacket and bag, "Haddie give me a call if those notes aren't clear."

"Thanks again for letting me copy yours. I'll walk you out ok." Haddie grabbed her jacket and followed the boy to the door.

"Goodnight Detective Benson, Ms. Cabot."

"Night Joshua." The front door closed behind them as the teens walked outside. Olivia couldn't help, but laugh and Alex didn't see the humor in the situation.

"What is so funny?"

"You still think she doesn't have a thing for him. Look at her Alex, she's so far gone with him it's unreal, it's sweet really. She could do a lot worse; at least he has manners and is well behaved, he's a good kid."

"I think he's scared of you, I mean he could just call you Ms. Benson, but nooo, **Detective** Benson. I guess we don't have to worry about him stepping out of line with her though, he probably thinks you'll shoot him."

"What makes you think I wouldn't shoot him?" Alex was going to say something when the front door opened again and in walked a very happy Haddie.

"You going to tell us why you look so blissfully happy?"

"He said he would love to go and that he was going to go get a tux so that he'll look sharp."

"But once again you don't have a crush on him or anything." Olivia smirked she cleared the last of the dishes.

"Ok maybe a small one. Or maybe a really big one, I'm not sure yet."

"That is because your 14 and hormones are a bitch. Welcome to the real world of conflicting emotions my dear child."

"I'm going to go pretend that you didn't just mention hormones and I'm going to go finish my homework. Dinner was great and thank you for letting him take me to the party."

"You're welcome. Don't go to bed too late please and come see me before bed so I can switch the bandages."

"Okay." Haddie shut her bedroom door behind her and left her parents in the kitchen alone.

"Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"I like this."

"Like what?"

"This whole domestic life. I always thought that settling down with a family would be boring, but now I can't image doing anything else."

"I think you just like the idea of having me barefoot and pregnant, making sure our six children don't burn down the house."

"I think you'd look hot barefoot and pregnant."

"Really?"

"Really." Olivia put the leftovers in the fridge, walked over to Alex and in a low, husky voice said, "well one day we might have to test this theory of yours."

**Kind of fluffy I know (I'm a hopeless romantic), but the next chapter should prove to be pretty cool so stick with me and as always reviews are my crack.**


	34. Ball Drama

**Midterms just ended for me so I can breathe and enjoy some down time. Thanks once again for the reviews everyone they feed my fire and keep me writing and I hope you all enjoy this chapter.**

The night of the policeman ball was absolute madness at the Benson-Cabot household. They still had hours left to get ready, but all three women were running around like they had only a matter of minutes to finish up getting dressed. After everyone had showered, the real work began; all three women fought for their turn with the hair dryer and Alex and Haddie helped each other flatiron their hair while Olivia worked at getting her's to go up into a tight bun. Alex was trying to work her way into the rather expensive dress she had bought for the occasion and when she had managed to climb into it she had yet to figure out how to zip it up herself. Thankfully, she didn't have to try for too long before she felt two very familiar hands grab the zipper and pull it all the way up towards the top of the back of the dress that hit just below Alex's shoulder blades. Alex turned around to give Olivia a kiss, but was stopped dead in her tracks and Olivia laughed at her facial expression.

"See something you like babe?"

"I forgot how sexy you look in your dress uniform."

"I'm sure the state of New York will be happy to know the dress uniform I wear is sexy to my girlfriend; that will make them feel safe." Alex walked up behind Olivia as she slipped on the navy blue jacket, "well, you make me feel safe and what can I say, women in uniform are my weakness."

"Then I better keep a close eye on you tonight." Alex swatted Olivia arm playfully as she headed toward the closet to find her shoes and purse. Olivia was digging through the garment bag searching for her gloves when she heard the front door bell ring. She looked up from the bag and hollered out the bedroom door, "Haddie, honey can you get that please?"

Haddie was in the bathroom finishing her makeup, "yeah I got it mom, it's probably Josh anyway." The teen briskly tiptoed to the door careful not to chip the fresh coat of paint on her toe nails as she moved. When she looked through the peep hole, she didn't see Joshua and she didn't recognize the woman standing there, but she figured one of her mothers' had to know the woman. She undid the lock and opened the door and standing before her was a woman who looked to be about Alex's age dressed in a business suit and a briefcase in her hands.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm looking for Alex Cabot." The woman smiled and Haddie could tell she wasn't a social worker because, well, she just knew. Even though she didn't really know if she should she called out for Alex.

"Mom, someone at the door for you." Haddie turned around to see a very shocked expression on the new woman's face. Before she could say anything Alex appeared in the bedroom doorway and was still digging in her purse making sure she had everything she needed in the bag, "Haddie, who did you say was at the door." When she looked up Alex swallowed hard and when she tried to say something no words came out.

"Mom you ok?"

Alex finally got herself together and turned toward her daughter, "yeah honey I'm fine, just a little surprised."

"Alex I'm sorry I shouldn't have shown up unannounced, but I just got into town yesterday for some business and I wanted to drop by and see you, but I can see your busy I'll just go." As the woman turned to leave Alex stopped her, "no, it's ok come in for a minute. Sorry we're all running around trying to get ready for this ball."

"I figured it must be something big because when I knew you your idea of dressing up was black jeans." Alex smiled and then she caught the look on Haddie's face. Alex pulled her over to her, "Haddie I want you to meet someone, this is my friend Amanda, Amanda this is my daughter Hadassah." Haddie stuck out her hand and shook Amanda's and then she realized who this woman was and why she looked slightly familiar.

"It really nice to meet you ma'am, my mother has told me a lot of stories of you and her when you went to law school together." Amanda's face went red, "she told you about that?"

"Some of them, the other ones she said would make her look bad and wouldn't be very good influence on me as a teenager."

"Probably a good idea."

Haddie looked at Alex, "can I go finish my makeup, Josh is going to be here soon and I still need to put on my dress on?"

"Yeah honey go ahead and can you tell your mother to come out here when she has a minute?"

"Sure, it was really nice meeting you." With that Haddie took off and headed toward Olivia's and Alex's bedroom and then into her own. When she was gone there was a weird silence in the room that Amanda finally broke, "you have a daughter."

"Yes we do, the adoption is still going through, but we are hoping it's done by Christmas." Just as Alex was about to say something else Olivia yelled from the bedroom, "Lexi have you seen the shoe polish I want to make sure these things don't show the scuff marks." Alex smiled and grabbed the polish from the kitchen, "it's in here babe, can you come out and get it we have company. A second later Olivia was walking out of the bedroom trying to fasten the last button on her uniform jacket as she walked, "Alex can you get this damn thing to fasten please?" Alex walked over and with relative ease fixed the button, "sure make it look easy." Olivia finally looked up from her jacket and saw the woman standing near the doorway.

"Sorry my manners got away from me, Detective Olivia Benson." Olivia stuck out her hand and Amanda shook it. Alex stepped in before Amanda could speak, "Liv this is Amanda, my friend from law school." Liv's eyes went wide as she looked at Alex, "oh, that Amanda."

"I so sorry to intrude on your evening I was just telling Alex that I'm in town on business I was wondering if we could catch up over lunch or dinner or something." Olivia had a clear look of concern on her face, she wasn't sure what to make of this woman who had dated Alex years ago showing up on her front step. Amanda picked up on the worried look on her face, "please relax detective, I'm not here to steal your girl or anything like that, I'm very happily married. I just haven't seen Alex in years and was hoping we could simply catch up because clearly I have missed a lot since the last time we talked."

Liv looked slightly embarrassed, "I'm sorry I reacted like that, I can get a bit jealous and you know lesbians and their exes, they never go away."

Amanda laughed, "that I understand, it took us six months before my wife's ex got the idea and left us alone." Olivia suddenly felt less threatened by this woman and Alex was stunned that she was not only married, but married to a woman. Before Alex could say something Amanda's cell phone went off and after punching a few buttons quickly Amanda threw her phone back in her bag. "sorry ladies I have to run and I don't want to keep you any longer, give me a call later in the week and we can set something up, ok, maybe we can all go get drinks or something." Olivia showed Amanda out the door and then broke the silence in the room, "you ok?"

"I'm fine it just was such a shock to see her after so many years. I'm sorry if that was weird for you."

Olivia shook her head, "it wasn't that bad, I had to meet her sometime and look on the bright side, she's married so I don't have to worry about her coming after you and trying to win you back."

"There was never a chance of her winning me back, we stayed friends after law school, but when both got jobs it became harder to keep in touch. I think it might be nice to catch up with her if you're up for that." Olivia wrapped her arms around Alex's waist and kissed the base of her neck, "I think that would be nice to get all the dirt from your college girl friend, but right now you need t finish getting ready because Joshua will be here soon and we need to leave soon after that ok." Alex untangled herself from Olivia's grasp and headed back into the bedroom to finish getting ready. As she closed the door behind her the door buzzer went off.

"Hello?"

"Evening Detective Benson, it's Josh."

"Come on up Joshua the girls are still finishing getting ready." Liv stepped away from the intercom and yelled down the hallway, "Haddie Joshua is on his way up so 20 minutes before we bounce ok, same goes for you Alex." Olivia set her gloves and hat off the dining room table and tried to straighten the awards and ribbons on her jacket and the door bell broke her concentration. She opened the door to find a very sharply dressed Joshua holding two bouquets of flowers and a small box.

"Hi detective Benson, you look very sharp in your uniform."

"Thank you Joshua, you look very handsome in your tux, what's with the flowers?"

The young man shifted the flowers in his hands and handed one of the bouquets to Olivia, "my mother told me that you always bring flowers to a girl's mother when you go their house and Haddie has two mom which mean s two bouquets of flowers and this one is for you." The young man handed Olivia a bouquet of white gladiolus. Olivia was touched and shocked. This particular type of flower was almost never put in bouquets and she wondered if Joshua knew what the flowers stood for. "I know they aren't roses, but they mean strength of character and I thought that fits, I hope you like them." Olivia smiled at the gesture, "I love them Joshua thank you. I'm going to go put them in water before we leave. Alex, Joshua is here." As Olivia walked into the kitchen to get a vase, Alex walked into the living room completely dressed and was fixing her earrings.

"Hello Joshua, you look very handsome this evening."

"Thanks you, Ms. Cabot you look beautiful, blue is definitely your color. Oh, and these are for you." Joshua handed Alex a similar bouquet of flowers, but instead of gladiolus, Alex got Larkspur a flower that denotes beautiful spirit. "Joshua, these are lovely thank you." Olivia took the flowers from Alex and arranged them in the same vase her's were in. "Are you excited for tonight Joshua, the Policeman's ball is a big deal?"

"Truthfully, I'm a little nervous Ms. Cabot, I don't want to make a fool of myself or embarrass Haddie with my inability to dance."

"You'll be fine, besides Elliot can't dance to save his life so he will make you look good by comparison. Besides Haddie can dance fairly well so I'm sure she can help you out, just relax and have fun and be thankful that you don't have to socialize with people you don't like." Joshua smiled and nervously played with the buttons on her jacket and Alex turned around to call for Haddie, "Haddie, we leave in 10 minutes are you coming with us."

"Just putting on my shoes, I'm coming." About a minute later, Haddie came walking down the hallway and as she did so Joshua turned around and froze. He knew Haddie was pretty, but the way she looked now literally made him heart skip a beat and made breathing very difficult. Her voice broke him out of his haze, "so, what do you think, I clean up pretty good?"

Joshua took a step toward her, "you look so beautiful, I mean you always look beautiful, but you, now, look wonderful." Haddie laughed at Joshua's rambling and he started to calm down. "I brought you a corsage, I wasn't sure if people did that for this, but I thought you'd like it and hopefully it matches your dress." Josh opened the plastic box he had been holding and took out a corsage of pink roses and lilac. Haddie offered her arm to him and he gently slipped the elastic band over her wrist and once it was secured he pressed a delicate kiss to her hand before letting go. Both teens were smiling and for a moment forgot that both Alex and Olivia were watching this exchange and were themselves smiling like idiots because it was very sweat and romantic. Eventually, Olive looked at the clock and realized it was time for them to meet the car downstairs, "ok ladies and gentlemen our car is ready and we will be late if we don't get going so everyone have everything." Alex checked her purse and so did Haddie, everyone had their coats and Olivia opened the door and gestured for everyone to walk out. She locked the door behind them and everyone headed down stairs to the waiting limo.

Traffic was minimal which was shocking for a Saturday night, but regardless they made it to the venue in roughly half an hour. When their limo pulled up to the front of the pack Olivia suddenly realized that it must be an election year judging by the number of press members that lined the entrance to the building. "This is the closest any of us are going to get to walking the red carpet any time soon so enjoy it and you two," gesturing to Haddie and Joshua, "don't answer any questions they ask ok, your kids and they have no right to pry. Let Alex and I field the questions ok and don't let them get a rise out of you ok." Both teenagers nodded in agreement and soon after that the limo door was opened by the driver and Olivia was the first to step out. As she did so the bulb from cameras began shuttering rapidly and reporters were shouting questions from every direction. Most of them were questions about the chief of police and politics and asking what Olivia as a police officer thought of what was going on within the department. Olivia temporarily ignored the question and offered her arm to Alex and helped her out of the limo. Alex getting out of the car caused the flashes to come faster and the questions to change topic. Now everyone wanted to know "what was it like to be back at work after WPP" or "how long had she and Olivia been dating". When Haddie and Joshua stepped out the car all hell broke loose as Olivia had foreseen, she quickly assessed that the doorway was roughly 30 ft away from them, but it was covered with reporters that were being held back by officers. Wanting to get Haddie and Joshua out of the craziness as soon as possible, Olivia was relieved to see Elliot coming toward her, "you look like you're a little lost partner."

"Do me a favor get the kids inside and Alex and I will make our way through the madness."

"You got it." Elliot wrapped his arms around Haddie and Joshua and pushed his way through the crowd and within minutes got them safely inside. Olivia wrapped her arm around Alex's waist and guided her forward, momentarily stopping for a few pictures to show some kind of cooperation and thankfully this seemed to get them through the crowd faster. When they finally made their way inside the building Elliot pointed out that all of them were at the same table as him and Kathy and they followed him over to a previously empty table where Kathy sat waiting patiently. Elliot and Olivia were quickly whisked away to take the necessary photos leaving their families at the table. Alex and Kathy made small talk about work, their families, even politics and it didn't take long before Haddie and Joshua lost interest in sitting still. Music was playing from the live band and people were dancing and soon Haddie felt Josh tap her on the shoulder and when she turned around he held out his hand, "want to dance?" Haddie quickly turned to Alex and when she saw that she wasn't paying attention she slipped out of her seat and made her way over to the dance floor with Josh. The first few songs were quick paced and the teens had fun dancing and they both had some pretty good moves, but the next song had a slower temp to it and it temporarily left both teens at a loss of what to do. Joshua held out his hand and Haddie took it, I mean it was just dancing, nothing too serious. Josh put his hands around her waist and Haddie rested her on top of his shoulders and they started to slowly dance to the steady rhythm. At that moment Elliot looked up from the conversation he was having with Olivia and Fin and saw the young couple on the dance floor. He pointed it out to Liv, "that boy has some serious dance moves and it looks like he may have stolen your girl's heart.

Olivia turned around and smiled, it was cute watching them dance and it was funny because Joshua was constantly making sure his hands were in an appropriate place. Olivia excused herself from her conversation and walked over to Alex. She leaned in close to her so her lips were close to her ear, "explain to me why our daughter is dancing with her sort of boyfriend, but I have yet to see you dance in that over priced dress."

"Simple, you haven't asked me to dance yet."

"Alexandra Cabot, would you do me the great honor of dancing with me?"

"How can I resist you when you are that charming, let's dance." As the two joined their daughter on the dance floor they didn't realize they had a few pairs of eyes on them, one of which belonged to Liz who was at the time talking to Cragen, "they make quite a pair and now they aren't just a pair, that daughter of theirs seems to fit into their life perfectly, like she was meant to be there."

"They certainly look happier than I've seen either of them in a long time, they look like they finally got everything they ever wanted and life couldn't get better."

"Must be nice. Are you going to talk to Olivia tonight?"

"No, I'll talk to her on Monday, let her enjoy her night with her family, they deserve a night without talking about work." Both of them looked back toward the dance floor where Alex had her head resting against Olivia's shoulder as they danced next to their daughter and they way they moved, how happy they looked, they looked like a family.

**What does Cragen talk to Olivia about?**

**So again sorry for long wait, school is school and life is stressful and this keeps me sane. Review for more.**


	35. Author's Note 2

Ok, so I realize it has been forever since I updated this and for that I am sorry. School has been insane and I'm trying to get everything together before I go home to the States. Rest assured I will be updating soon and I haven't stopped or abandoned the story, just stick with me.


	36. Thanksgiving Part 1

**Thanks for being patient you guys, I meant to write this at Thanksgiving time but I became insanely busy so I'm still going to set in that time so this is them going to spend the holiday with family and what not, I will update before xmas I promise.**

Before they knew it the holidays were just around the corner and by some miracle Olivia had managed to get a week off which allowed her and Alex to make plans to go spend the holiday with Alex's extended family and introduce to Haddie to them. The plan was for the three of them to head up to the house in the Hamptons in the afternoon the day before Thanksgiving. Before they hit the road Olivia had to swing by the office to drop off her completed paper work and just as she was about to leave the unusually quiet office Cragen poked his head out of his office.

"Hey Olivia can I talk to you quickly before you leave?"

Olivia had no idea what was so important that the Captain had to stop her from hitting the already traffic congested roads, but she walked into his office and sat down.

"I'm not going to keep you long Liv, I just had something I wanted to talk to you about." He leaned forward slightly resting his elbows on his desk, "Liv have you given any thought to your future here at SVU?"

Olivia was slightly taken aback by the question and it caused her some concern, "are you firing me?"

"Heavens no, quite the opposite actually, I was wondering if you were at all interested in maybe studying for the Sergeants' exam and moving up the ranks here and you never know, one day I may turn over the key of my office to you."

Olivia was still in a brief state of surprise, but she finally found the words, "I can't say that I've thought about it a lot, I mean I think we all kind of think that you're going to be here forever, but I mean with everything that has happened lately with filing for adoption of Haddie and everything at home, maybe looking to climb the job ladder might be a good idea."

"Look give it some thought, talk it over with Alex, a promotion would give you some better hours and put you in another pay grade, more time to spend with that growing family of yours. We can talk again after the start of the New Year ok. Go get out on the road before they get too bad. Happy Thanksgiving Liv."

"Happy Thanksgiving."Olivia grabbed her keys and jacket and left the building. She swung by the apartment where Alex and Haddie were waiting downstairs. They threw their bags into the car and headed off to take their chances with the traffic they knew was going to slow down their trip to the Hamptons. As they headed down the road the traffic slowed their journey by about an hour, but it certainly could have been worse. As they got closer to the house Olivia looked over and saw that Alex was asleep against the window and when she looked into the backseat she saw that Haddie had a panicked look on her face.

"What's on your mind honey?"

"What if they don't like me?"

"Haddie they are your family and they are going to love you. Baby, the first time I met them I was scared too, but they treated me like I was blood because they knew how much I love Alex and now you're part of our family and they are going to love you so much you'll wonder way you were so worried about it in the first place."

"You promise."

"Cross my heart." Haddie finally cracked a smile and as they pulled into the gated house Alex started to stir and finally woke up. "We here already?"

"What do you mean already, we were in traffic for almost two hours, but someone decided to sleep through the whole thing?" Alex smiled and gave Liv a quick kiss, "I had so much faith in your driving capabilities I fell asleep."

"You lucky I love you or I'd feel taken advantage of and don't even try not helping me unload the bags." Alex smiled and grabbed one of the bags and started toward the house. Olivia handed Haddie her bag and as they walked toward the open front door Haddie stopped dead in her tracks. Olivia turned around to see that the teen was almost pale, "honey it's going to be fine."

"What do I call them, do I hug them or shake their hands, do I tell things about my life or pretend that nothing happened?"

"Honey, slow down, first of all they will hug you no matter what you do and call them what you feel comfortable and you don't have to tell them anything ok. Alex and I are right there if you need us, but these are good people and they already love you, you are going to be fine, just give yourself time to adjust." Olivia walked through the door and knew Haddie would follow when she was ready. Haddie stood there starring at the house and feeling very small in comparison and the only thing that brought her out of her trance was her cell phone buzzing. She smiled when she saw a text from Josh, _'they are going to love you, just give them a chance to 3'_. As she played with her phone, Alex was in the kitchen watching her out the window with Liv, Astrid and Emily standing around her.

"We should go out and get her Liv, she looks like she is paralyzed."

"Well, she's smiling at something, maybe Josh texted her or something, give her a minute Alex, meeting this many people and understanding that they are your new family is a lot to take in, give her a minute alone."

Emily looked up at Alex, "who's Josh?"

"Her not boyfriend."

Astrid almost spit out her water, "what in the hell is an not boyfriend?"

"We told her we didn't want her dating until she was closer to 15 and more stable, but this boy just fell into her lap and he as close to perfect as you can get and she totally has a thing for him. So right now he is her not boyfriend."

"That makes no sense at all, but hey she's your kid not mine. Someone should go tell her to get in here, we aren't that scary."

Alex jumped in, "you are to a 14 year old who has been hurt by everyone who was supposed to love her, she's freaked that you'll all think she's crazy because of what happened a few weeks ago."

The four women stood around trying to decide who would go get the girl from outside and none of them realized that Sam heard them talking and after grabbing her jacket she walked out the front door and over to the girl. Emily looked back outside the window to see her daughter talking to Haddie, "hey Alex, I think Sam found a way to get her inside."

Back outside Haddie soon realized that she was no longer alone in the front yard, "you should come inside, it's warm and there is enough food in there to feed a small army and tomorrow there is going to be a ton more of it."

"Sorry I guess I'm just a little…"

"Intimidated."

"That would be one way to put it."

"Come on, I'll show you where you can out your bag and then I'll give the low down on the family."

"Ok," Haddie followed Sam toward the front door, "you never told me your name."

"Sorry I spaced, I'm Samantha, you can call me Sam if you want, your mom calls me peanut though. I think technically we are some kind of second cousins, but I think cousins are cousin no matter what." Sam kept talking as she walked through the door and when she turned around she realized that Haddie was frozen at the door step. Sam couldn't tell what was wrong until she saw a few stray tears. She went over to Haddie and wiped the tear away, "no one in this house is going to hurt you, ever, I promise." Haddie nodded and finally came in the house and walked up the stairs with Sam following behind. Alex stood at the bottom of the stairs ready to follow them upstairs, but Sam turned around and mouthed that she would get her settled and for Alex to stay downstairs. Alex went back into the kitchen, "apparently Sam has it under control."

Emily laughed, "ever since we came up here a few months back she has the new found confidence and she thinks she can handle everything. I mean she is 16 and already thought she knew everything before she came out, now she takes it upon herself to share that vast knowledge with everyone else."

Olivia laughed, "Coming out can do that for people, they feel powerful and free, she seems to be using that power in a good way."

"That's what we figured and she's been doing good; they have been having a few issues at school with a few kids, but apparently Miranda grabbed one of them by the collar and said that if he ever said anything bad about her girlfriend again he would have to blend his meals for the rest of his life because she would break his teeth. That kid never bothered them again and now everything is fine."

Olivia was glad that things were going well for Sam, "do we get to meet this girlfriend?"

A new voice joined the conversation, "you would if you turned around." Everyone turned around to see Sam, Haddie and another young woman who they assumed was Miranda standing in the door way. Sam hugged Olivia and Alex and introduced them to Miranda, and then Sam introduced Haddie to Emily and Astrid.

"It's nice to meet all of you, sorry it took me a while to come in, I was a little, freaked out."

"This family has an uncanny ability to do that to a lot of people." Astrid smiled at the teen, "you get used to us and then we don't seem that crazy." Haddie smiled and joined the women at the dining room table. After talking for a while the rest of the family trickled in and Haddie met them all, all the while holding tight to Olivia or Alex. After she got comfortable with everyone she joined the kids in the living room to watch a movie while the adults finished dinner.

Every now and then Olivia would check on the kids and on one of these trips she heard a voice behind her, "she seems to have fit right into the family, kind of like you did." Bill was standing behind Olivia with a large smile on his face. "She seems to have settled in and she seems comfortable with everyone. I'm just glad she's happy and feels like she is safe here; I know it will take time for her to understand she this family isn't going to abandon or hurt her." As Bill was about to head back to the other room, Olivia stopped him, "Bill can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Of course, let go into the study." Once they ducked into the office downstairs Olivia sat down and got right to the point, "Alex and I are hoping that Haddie's adoption will be final by Christmas, which brings me to what I wanted to ask you, I was hoping you I could ask your help in setting up Alex's Christmas present."

"Sure, anything I can do to help, what were you thinking of giving her?"

Olivia put a box on the desk and opened it, "I was thinking an engagement ring."

**I know, I know, cliffy. But this is going to be a two part chapter because its finals and I am going back home to California soon but I promised a chapter and here it is. The next one will cover the family getting to know Haddie better and enjoying the holiday. Let me know what you think and if you want to see anything in particular. Review if want to see more.**


	37. Thanksgiving Part 2

**Sorry for the wait guys, this would have been up sooner, but jet lag got the better of me. Enjoy and please review.**

The next day everything in the Cabot household became rather hectic. The adults were all running around the kitchen trying to assemble the Thanksgiving dinner without running into each other or setting something on fire. The kids were all hanging out in the living room and the teenagers were hiding out in the pool house listening to music and try to avoid helping their parents. Olivia was helping Alex peel the potatoes for the mashed potatoes and now seemed as good of a time as any to talk to her about the potential job change.

"Lexi?"

"Yeah babe?"

"Can I talk to you about something?"

"Is it a bad something?"

"No, no it's actually a really good something. Cragen talked to me before we came up here the other day."

"Okay, what did he want?"

"He asked me if I've given any thought to taking the Sergeant's exam. He said it would be more set hours, better pay grade, more time for you and our family and more chance for moving up the job ladder." When she stopped talking Olivia looked up and Alex was just starring at her. "Alex, babe, please say something."

"I like the idea of you having more set hours, but you never mentioned anything about moving up the ladder of command. I think this is a great opportunity for you and I'm totally behind you in whatever you decide to do."

"Then when we get home I'll set things up with the Captain and if all goes well by Christmas you'll be sleeping with a Sergeant." Olivia winked at Alex and grabbed the large bowl of potatoes and before placing them on the counter she gave Alex a quick peck on the lips. Alex sat there for a moment before moving from her seat and she realized that things were starting to fall into place for them. Haddie's adoption would be finalized soon and now Olivia had a chance for promotion and things were falling into a somewhat regular schedule at the office. Alex continued to help out in the kitchen while Olivia helped set the table. Just as they were getting ready to put the last few dishes on the table Bill asked if someone could go grab the older kids from the pool house and tell them that food was ready. Astrid volunteered to go and she quickly made her way outside and as she got closer to the pool house she heard music and singing coming from inside. She quietly went over to the door and even though she was standing in the room all three teens were too wrapped up in the song to pay attention to her presence. Haddie and Sam both had guitars in their hands and Miranda sat in between them helping out with the singing.

_I tend to laugh just a little too loud  
What's on my mind usually comes out my mouth  
I've never been one to blend in the crowd  
But I'm okay with that  
I lose my keys and I'm constantly late  
I'm comfortable a couple pounds overweight  
I'm gonna eat when I'm out on a date  
Cause that's just who I am_

I'm gonna live my life out loud  
Sing the truth, lay it all right out there  
For the whole wide world to see  
And if you're goin' to love me  
Then you're goin' to love me for me

I love to dance with my two left feet  
I'm best friends with whoever I meet  
You might hurt the heart I wear on my sleeve  
But I will take that chance, yeah  
One day I might just change the world  
I'm gonna do it being just a girl  
Who's gonna say things you can't ignore  
'Cause I love and I believe

I'm gonna live my life out loud  
Sing the truth, lay it all right out there  
For the whole wide world to see  
And if you're goin' to love me  
Then you're goin' to love me for me, yeah

Ohh, I'm livin' my life day by day  
And I'm through basin' it off what others say is right

I'm gonna live (Live my life out loud)  
I'm gonna live (Live my life out loud)

I'm gonna live my life out loud  
Sing the truth, lay it all right out there  
For the whole wide world to see  
And if you're goin' to love me  
Then you're goin' to love me for me, yeah

Astrid stood in the door and watched the girls finish the song before disturbing the moment they all were sharing, "not that you ladies don't have some serious talent, but before you start going on tour, dinner is ready and I'm pretty sure you don't want to miss out on this much food." All three girls looked up and realized that they had been being watched and after the blushing subsided Sam put down her guitar and grabbed Miranda's hand leading her outside and into the house. Haddie slowly stood up and put the guitar she was holding next to Sam's before she started to walk through the door. Astrid closed the door behind them and walked with Haddie toward the house.

"I didn't know you could play the guitar, you're very good."

Haddie blushed, "thanks, I taught myself and when I got older one of my friends helped me get a little bit better. Olivia plays much better than I do, but music in any form gives me an odd sense of peace, I guess it just drowns everything else out, it blocks out all the bad." Astrid was taken aback by the girl's words; she knew that her life had been hard before she went to live with Alex and Liv, but what happened was still very much a mystery. Astrid was going to ask what it was that music actually blocked out for Haddie, but they reached the house and ultimately she decided against it. She figured that in time the girl would tell the family about her past, but no one was going to push her, they would simply wait for her to feel comfortable discussing it with them.

Once everyone took their seats everyone joined in a quick Thanksgiving prayer and then promptly dug into the food. There were a dozen conversations happening at the table and the food was being put away rather quickly. Toward the end of dinner, but before dessert was served Haddie started to get warm and so without thinking she took off her sweater revealing her arms that at the time were still wrapped in bandages. Everyone noticed, but no one said anything, mostly because they caught Alex's glare that pretty much told them not to say a word. Everyone simply continued on with their conversations, everyone that is except for a certain 4 year old. All of a sudden Haddie felt a small finger tap her on the leg and when she looked down there was Lily.

"How come you gots an owie?"

The table got dead quiet, except for the child's mother, "Lily, that is Haddie's private business and it's rude to pry. Haddie please don't feel that you have to answer her."

"But mama, you said if I had questions to ask."

"Yes Lily I did say that, but your four…"

"Almost five."

"Yes, Lily, almost five and there are some things that aren't appropriate for you to ask because you not an adult and as I said it's none of your business." Haddie simply sat there silent, she didn't know how to explain this to a child or to anyone for that matter, but after a moment of awkward silence she found a way. "Kim if it alright, I'd like to answer her." Kim nodded.

Haddie turned to the child standing next to her, "come here Lily." She lifted the child onto her lap, "Lily I have owies because a few weeks ago I got really sad…"

"Why was you sad?"

"Well, you know how you have a mommy and a daddy," the child nodded, "well I had a mommy and a daddy too. But they weren't nice people."

"Did they give you owies?"

Haddie smiled a sad smile at the child, "yes Lily, they did."

"That's not nice, is that why Aunt Alex and Olivia are your mommies now?"

"Yep that's why. Now Lily, my mommy and daddy didn't give me these owies." She pointed to the bandages.

"Who did?"

"I did Lily." The child was clearly confused as to how or why someone would hurt themselves.

"Why?"

"Because when my parents hurt me they made me think that no one loved me and I didn't want to hurt your aunt's so I hurt myself."

"Why?"

"Because I believed my parents when they said that no one could love me." As soon as she said it every adult had some form of tears in their eyes, Alex and Olivia were past tears and were well into crying. Without skipping a beat Lilly threw her arms around Haddie's torso and hugged her as tightly as she could and she said, "well, I love you." The tears that had threatened to fall from Haddie's eyes were now streaming down her face as she wrapped her arms around the four year old and hugged her back while kissing the top of her head, "I love you too Lily." After a moment of sitting like that Haddie whispered to the child, "you know what I bet if we go into the kitchen we will find some pie for dessert."

"I like pie, punkin is my favorite."

"Mine too, you want to come help me bring it to the table." The child nodded and leapt of Haddie's lap allowing her to get up and as they walked into the kitchen she grabbed her hand.

"Haddie?"

"Yes Lily?"

"You're not sad anymore right?"

"No, Lily I'm not sad anymore."

"Did my hug make it all better?"

"Yes Lily, your hug made it all better." Lily abandoned helping with the pie and ran into the dining room shouting, "mama, mama, Haddie said my hug made her not sad anymore." Haddie smiled as she searched the kitchen for dessert plates and soon from the doorway came a soft voice.

"You do realize that she will now hug you every time you walk into a room right?"

Haddie smiled at Kim, "I could think of worse ways to live. I'm sorry if I scared her explaining how I got the scars."

"No, you explained it so a four year old could understand it, but now she thinks it her sole responsibility to make you happy by hugging you."

"Like I said, there are worse ways to live. Having people hug me and tell me they love me is something I never had before, so I'm totally down with her hugging me every time I walk into a room." Kim looked sad when Haddie said that no one had told her they loved her before, but Haddie saw her face and started talking again. "Please don't feel bad for me, my past is what it is and it's behind me, your sister and Olivia have given me a home and a family and I know they love me because they tell me they do. Time heals a lot of wounds and I know that in time these cuts will fade into scars and I can move on with my life with my new family." Kim pulled the teenager into a hug that seemed like it wasn't going to end any time soon. "Just remember you have a huge crazy family that loves you, ok, whatever your going through you aren't alone, you have your mothers and all of us; we love you, we're your family." Kim let go Haddie and both women whipped the stray tears from their faces and resumed gathering the dessert makings.

"We better get these pies out there before they start to riot."

"Good idea, us Cabot's love our pumpkin pie." Both women stepped out of the kitchen with huge smiles plastered across their faces and made their way back into the crazy dining room. Everyone celebrated that dessert was being served and it seemed like they were all willing to table the discussion of Haddie's injuries for a more appropriate time. Dessert went the same way dinner had; food flying everywhere and conversations happening at every corner of the table. Eventually the room fell quiet which normally indicated that everyone had eaten themselves into a food coma of sorts. Everyone slowly cleared their dishes and eventually settled in the living room while the teenagers once again found themselves in the pool house. Once the teens were out of the room the adults dove into the question that was on everyone's mind and Carol was the one to ask, "Alexandra, what did happen to Haddie that resulted in those bandages?"

Alex looked at Olivia who nodded, "I told you all that she came from an abusive home, but on top of those issues she is also heavily involved in self injury, she's a cutter. The prominent scars and the ones covered by the bandages are the result of a failed suicide attempt." Alex looked up and saw some shocked expressions from her family members, but no one said anything for a while. Finally David spoke, "is she ok Alex, like is she in therapy and all that?"

"We put her in therapy the first week she was with us, it's helping, but it isn't going to fix things over night; it's going to take time, but she is making progress. Look guys I know it's a lot to take in, but just don't make too big of a deal about it please, she was all nervous about meeting you all and having everyone find out." Everyone looked at Alex with confused expressions and it was JR that spoke up, "Allie, did she really think we were going to judge her for this? She's family Allie and the whole point of having a family is knowing that you have a whole group of people that support you and love you no matter what. No one is going to treat her differently because of this; we want her to get better just like you do." Alex was touched, but not surprised that her family was so supportive.

The adults spent the next several hours hanging out in the living room, talking, laughing and drinking. Olivia finally looked at the clock only to realize it was well past midnight. The younger kids were all asleep in their beds, which left only the teenagers and adults awake. Olivia excused herself from the group and went out to the pool house to check on the kids. When she opened the door she was surprised by what she found. Instead of finding three wired, active teens, she instead found three teenagers fast asleep. Sam and Haddie were passed out on the bed and Miranda was sound asleep on the couch. Olivia covered all of them with blankets before walking back to the house. She settled back into her spot with Alex and continued celebrating with the family and in the back of her mind all she could think about was that if Thanksgiving was this eventful, Christmas was going to be interesting to say the least.

**So Happy Holidays to everyone no matter what you celebrate; I'm getting ready for Christmas Eve mass myself. As a special treat I am going to try to update again tonight so keep an eye out. Thanks for ready and waiting so patiently.**


	38. A Very Cabot Christmas Part 1

**Ok so to all of my faithful readers and reviewers, thanks for hanging in there with me and pushing me to update. So these are the last chapters of this story, but fear not I have a sequel planned and partially written. So after these chapters if you want to see more of our favorite ladies you know what to do. Enjoy.**

The end of the year can be stressful for everyone; Christmas shopping to finish, decorations to put up, family to tolerate, traffic to fight through and trying to get any time off of work. For Olivia and Alex it was no different; crime always seemed to spike around the holidays, which made their Christmas spirit go out the window rather quickly. On their last day before their vacations kicked in, Alex had three hearings to argue and one judgment hearing to attend. Olivia was stuck in interrogation for most of the day with a stepfather who thought disciplining his daughter included breaking three of her ribs. Needless to say they were both more than ready for their days to be over and go home for the holidays. Haddie had it relatively easy; her break from school started a few days prior and she was enjoying being able to sleep in and do nothing for the majority of the day.

By the time 6pm came around Alex was thankfully done with court and was trying to breeze through the paper work she still had sitting on her desk. When she flipped to the last page that needed her attention she heard a knock at her door.

"Enter."

"Merry Christmas to you too Alexandra." Liz stood in the doorway with Lena Petrovsky standing next to her.

"Sorry ladies, come in, I'm just trying to finish these up and go home, what can I help you with?"

"Well, Lena and I were heading home for the evening and made plans to go get seriously tipsy, any interest in joining us?"

"Normally I would say yes if for no other reason to see you both plastered, but I promised Olivia and Haddie I'd spend tonight with them before we leave for the Hamptons tomorrow. Speaking of which I have to call Liv and tell her to come get me, I swear my car likes to break when I need it the most." As Alex reached for the phone a knock at the door stopped her. When she looked up there was Haddie standing there in her PJ's.

"You could try calling her, but her cell phone goes straight to voicemail, I'm going to assume that means she is still in interrogation. You said you'd be ready by six so I figured someone should come pick you up." Alex looked concerned, "how did you get here if Liv is still at work?"

"Josh came and got me, he got his license last week." As if on cue Josh appeared behind Haddie and stuck his head in the office, "Evening Ms. Cabot."

"Hello Joshua, Congratulations on getting your license."

"Thanks Ms. Cabot, Haddie said your car was in the shop still and that Detective Benson was running late so I offered to come pick you up."

"That was very sweet of you Joshua."

"Are you ready to go mom? There's a movie on TV in an hour that we want to catch and you and mom promised that we would hang out tonight."

Alex quickly signed her name twice at the bottom of the page she was currently reading over, "now I'm done, give me two minutes to pack up and we can go home." Alex threw a few things from her desk into a box that was sitting on her file cabinet. She threw her jacket on and put on her scarf and gloves and then she started to grab the box off the cabinet. As she did this Joshua quickly appeared at her side and grabbed the box, "I got that Ms. Cabot." Both Lena and Liz stifled a laugh when the young man took the box from Alex, but it was Liz who gave her a hard time about it.

"Alex where did you find him, a young man willing to carry heavy boxes of legal briefs?" Josh looked a little confused so Alex patted him on the back, "Liz you meet Joshua before."

"That's right, the handsome young man who kept your daughter busy on the dance floor at the ball." Joshua blushed and offered his free hand to Liz, "It's nice to see you again your honor." He turned his attention to Lena, "you must be the other judge Haddie talks so much about, it nice to finally meet you, I'm Joshua."

"Nice to meet you Joshua, and nice to know that not all teenagers are born without manners. Maybe you can convince my grandchildren to straighten up." Lena turned toward Alex, "well, Alexandra it seems your caravan is here to wisk you away so we will leave you too your business." Everyone headed out of Alex's office and Joshua hit the elevator button. Just as the elevator started to move toward their floor Alex realized she forgot one thing in her office.

"Damn. Kids, I'll meet you guys in the car I left some files in the office I need for the New Year, I'll be down in two minutes." Haddie hesitated, "you sure, mom we can wait I don't want you to be up here all by yourself."

Liz jumped in, "we'll walk her down dear, you two go ahead and warm up the car." Haddie nodded and turned to Josh, "race you to the car?"

"Well, that wouldn't be fair, I'd beat you so bad it wouldn't be much of a race."

"You think you're that good?"

"I know I am."

"Fine you're on." As the doors to the elevator opened Haddie took a step forward only t find herself scooped up into a fireman's carry by Joshua. Alex and both judges watched as the boy carried Haddie over his shoulder and the box of Alex's things under his other arm onto the elevator. Alex couldn't help but laugh as she could her daughter protesting.

"Damn it Josh, put me down, you're cheating."

"I did say that it wasn't going to be fair. You should have seen this coming." Alex shouted after them, "he did warn you honey."

Haddie threw a pouty face on and crossed her arms, "I hate all of you." The doors closed and you could still hear the two teens bickering as the elevator went down. Both judges laughed as Alex locked her office and walked with them to the elevator. "So does she still think he doesn't like her?"

"She's 14 and she doesn't want to get her hopes up, but both Liv and I think she has a thing for him, it's obvious he likes her."

Lena chimed in, "and that he is scared shitless of you and Olivia."

"Can you blame him, he's a teenager and his possible girlfriend's parents are a cop and a lawyer?"

"A little fear never hurt anyone, and besides he knows that we all love him. We invited him to come with us for Christmas, but his family leaves tomorrow for California to spend time with their family out there."

"So you guys leave tomorrow for the Hamptons?"

"Yep, a whole week with my family, which reminds me I need to buy more alcohol, the last Christmas we ran out of booze, Astrid and Emily started fighting over which Christmas cartoon had the most sexual innuendo. If everyone stays plastered, the stupid fights stay at a minimum and the hilarious stories and pictures are at an all time high." The three women got off the elevator and made their way out of the building one at a time. Alex got into the passenger seat of the car Joshua was driving and they took off for home. Josh dropped off Alex and Haddie downstairs before he took off for the evening. After throwing her files and work things in the home office Alex got into her PJ's and settled onto the couch next Haddie and waited for the movie to start. Just as the movie started Olivia came through the front door.

"Sorry guys, traffic was hell and so was work."

"It's ok mom, your right on time, the movie just started." Olivia flopped down in the lazy boy next to couch, "awesome, you all packed for tomorrow?"

Haddie nodded, "yep all done, now sush, it's starting." Olivia laughed as she quietly settled into the chair and watched the movie with her family. As she predicted Haddie fell asleep toward the end of the movie. Alex and Olivia decided to let her sleep on the couch and after turning off the TV and locking the front door they made their way into their bedroom. Olivia grabbed the suitcases from under the bed and started going through the closet and the drawers while Alex packed up their bathroom supplies.

"Alex, do you know if Haddie packed enough clothes?"

"That depends, unless she filled her two suitcases up with newspaper then yes, I think we can assume she is bringing adequate clothes. Relax, she's a big girl, I'm sure she packed what she knew she would need."

"I know, I'm just nervous." Olivia sat down next to the suitcase and starred at the shirt in her hands that she was trying to fold. Alex stopped what she was doing in the bathroom and knelt down at Olivia feet, "what could you possibly have to be nervous about. You love my family, they love you, they love Haddie, why are you nervous?"

"I don't know it's silly I guess, it's just, this is our first Christmas with Haddie and the adoption is still up in the air and I just want everything to be perfect."

"Hey, it will be perfect. First off, she has a million presents from us and my family waiting for her and frankly I think as long as she has her family she could care less what she has under the tree. And I bet you her adoption will come through by the start of the New Year, it'll be like our own Christmas miracle." Olivia smiled and kissed the top of Alex's head, "you're so smart."

"It's a gift. Now come on, finish packing so we can get some sleep please." The ladies quickly finished packing their bags and placed them near the front door along with Haddie's and the huge pile of presents that had to be loaded into the car in the morning. Olivia wasn't sure what time they finally fell asleep, but she was sure that the alarm went off way too soon for her liking. When she sat up in bed Olivia could hear Alex running around in the living room, no doubt trying to get Haddie ready and the car packed up. Olivia got dressed and walked into the living room expecting to see things in a state of disarray, but was shocked to find that the bags and presents were gone and Haddie was eating her breakfast.

Before Olivia could say anything Alex came walking through the front door, "hey babe, car is all packed up, snow chains are on and all the gifts are in the car as well, Haddie is eating now and there is coffee for you and me and we need to leave in 20 minutes to beat traffic."

"Good morning to you too." Olivia poured her coffee into a travel mug before turning around to Alex again, "you got everything packed in the car?"

"Yep, I figured since you're driving I would let you sleep a little longer and have everything ready to roll for when you woke up."

"Thank you for that and thank you for the coffee. Give me a second to grab my jacket and we can leave as soon as Haddie is done eating." Olivia grabbed her jacket from the hall closet and when she turned around Haddie was washing her dishes in the sink and quick drying them before placing them in the cabinet.

"We ready?"

"It looks like it. You two go fire up the car, I'll lock up." Alex and Haddie turned and walked down the hallway to the stairs leaving Olivia in the apartment. Olivia quickly went into the bedroom and opened the safe that normally held her service weapon, but today it held something very different. Olivia punched in the code and when the safe opened she pulled from it a small velvet box and quickly stuffed it in her pocket. With that she grabbed her jacket and locked the door behind her before following Alex and Haddie downstairs.

Getting out of the city was a nightmare to put it mildly; everyone was trying to beat the traffic and instead they found themselves knee deep in it. After an hour of stop and go traffic, things opened up slightly and allowed for Olivia to go faster than 5 miles an hour. Haddie had given up on staying awake and was cuddled in the backseat under a blanket fast asleep. Alex was thankful for Olivia driving because she hated driving in the snow and in traffic and at the moment they were in both. The drive took about two hours longer than it should have, but a little after noon they pulled up in front of the house.

Haddie jumped out of the car and was about to run inside when Alex stopped her by grabbing the hood on her jacket, "nice try, grab your suitcases please." The teen grumbled, but did as she was asked before she ran into the house. Olivia and Alex each grabbed a suitcase and an armful of presents before following in their daughter's footsteps. As soon as they dropped their bags at the door they were greeted with the sounds of their family already partying and laughing it up. Kim was the first one to notice the arrival of her sister.

"Alex and Olivia are here everyone." Kim walked over and hugged her sister quickly and practically pushed her away, "Jesus Christ Alex you're an icicle."

"Merry Christmas to you too sister dear and weather report, its cold outside, it's not my fault, now come help us get these presents out of the damn car so I don't have to go out there more than twice."

"Fine, but mine better be the biggest."

"Very mature Kimberly, Santa can still give you a lump of coal."

"Bite me Alexandra." From the kitchen Carol yelled at the girls as they walked outside, "you two do this every damn year, pretending like your six again, do not make me come in there and remind you of your upbringing and your manners." Both women laughed at being scolded like children and quickly ran outside and grabbed armfuls of presents, leaving only a few for Olivia to grab as she was right behind them. Once they made it back inside they put the presents around the huge tree in the living room and brought the luggage upstairs. Once everyone had thawed out they found themselves in the kitchen trying to help with dinner and catch up with the family that had already arrived. Olivia was playing with Nina, Alison and Michael's newborn while the baby's older sister stood at her feet telling her all about the new baby. Alex was standing at the bar with Gina trying to finish chopping the vegetables and talk over all the noise.

Once the food was all settled in the oven everyone filtered out of the kitchen and decided that eating pizza for lunch would be the most logical choice. Haddie had set up shop in the pool house away from the adults and young children. Everyone one else was either in the living room or the home theater downstairs. The pizza came and just as the truck pulled away JR and Astrid pulled up, followed closely by Emily, Tom and Samantha. The teenager came practically running into the house and straight out into the pool house mumbling something about stupid traffic and "short cuts". Everyone helped unload the cars and eventually everyone settled in the living room with their pizza and drinks. When they finished their lunch Tom and Gina went into the kitchen to help Carol and Bill with the dinner that was still in the oven. The kids were all playing in the theater and the teenagers were outside in the pool house like always. This gave Olivia a rare opportunity to get some help with her Christmas present for Alex.

She pretended to need help bringing in one more present from the car, which wasn't a complete lie because the ring was in the glove box and Samantha's present was in the back seat still. Olivia walked over to JR and asked if he could help her out. He jumped up from the couch and threw on his jacket and gloves and followed Olivia out to the car. When the closed the front door behind them JR spoke up, "you're about a subtle as an earthquake you know that right?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"You don't need my "help"; you wanted to show me something."

"You half right; I need you to grab the big box from the backseat, but not before I show you this." Olivia reached into the glove box and held out the black velvet box so that JR could see the contents. JR's eyes went wide and he whistled when he looked at the ring, "Jesus Christ Liv, did you buy her an ice rink for a ring, that thing is huge."

"Shut up, it's not that big and I only showed this to you because I need your help."

A huge grin spread across JR's face, "whatever you need."

**Review for the next Christmas chapter.**


	39. A Very Cabot Christmas Part 2

**Wow, 17 reviews, that so great everyone, thanks. Here is the next chapter as promised. There will be one more chapter before I end this story so review this chapter if you want that one.**

The next morning everyone tried to sleep in for as long as they could, because they all knew that the next two days were going to be rather crazy what with Christmas Eve and then Christmas day. Olivia and Alex were buried under three layers of blankets and Olivia had the pillow over head trying to block out the sunlight that was sneaking through the window. Around 9:30 Olivia heard the door to their bedroom open followed by soft footsteps. She begrudgingly stuck her head out from under the pillow to see Lily starring at her with a huge grin on her face.

The child poked Olivia's arm and whispered, "Aunt 'livia?"

"Yes Lily?"

"Are you awake?"

"I am now Lily, what do you need honey?"

"It's Christmas ebe." The child whispered it like it was a huge secret.

"Eve, Lily, it's Christmas Eve."

"Right, so Santa's coming and he's gonna bring us all presents."

"Really?"

"Uh huh." The child paused. "Can we make breakfast, I'm hungry and momma and daddy are still sleeping?"

Olivia laughed, "sure Lily, come on, we'll go start breakfast ok." Olivia grabbed her robe from the end of the bed and followed the child downstairs and into the kitchen. Olivia quickly started a large pot of coffee and grabbed some things from the fridge. "What do think Tiger Lily, what about pancakes for breakfast?"

"I love pancakes, daddy makes mine look like Mickey Mouse sometimes with fruit or whipped cream."

"Does he now; well I think I can do Mickey Mouse pancakes. You wanna help me mix the batter?" The child quickly ran over to the counter and Olivia had her stand on a chair while she stood behind her. Olivia put her hand over Lily's as she stirred the large bowl of batter as fast as a four year old could. Olivia hadn't noticed that Kim had come downstairs a few moments before and had watched her daughter and Olivia making breakfast together. At one point Lily finally looked up and saw her mother standing in the door way.

"Momma, I'm helping make pancakes."

"I can see that Lily, and you're doing a good job stirring the batter, but I think your daddy is still sleeping and I think you should go in there and wake him up." Lily jumped down from the chair and ran back upstairs leaving Kim and Olivia in the kitchen.

"I'm sorry if she woke you up, she normally sleeps longer than that."

"Not a problem, she's a kid and its Christmas time; I'd be concerned if she wasn't super hyper and excited. Besides, she wasn't the only one you was hungry. Can you grab some fruit from the fridge so that this meal isn't completely unhealthy?"

"I think we have enough for some kind of fruit salad." Kim started chopping fruit while Olivia got the griddle ready for the pancakes. After a few moments of silence Kim got tired of hearing nothing, but the heater kick on.

"So, what did you get Allie for Christmas, anything good?"

"Did she ask you to ask me that?" Olivia smirked and turned around to face Kim.

"Nope, simply me being nosy. So like I asked, anything good?"

"I think I got her some good stuff."

"You aren't going to tell me what you got her are you?"

Olivia thought it was funny Kim cared so much what Alex was getting for Christmas so she relented, "ok, I will tell about one of the things I got her, but you gotta keep it a secret ok, I'm trying to tell as few people as possible."

"Oh my God, what did you do?"

"I have to watch the pancakes, but I put her gift in the downstairs safe in the den, go look at what it is and then come tell me if you think she'll like it." Before she finished her sentence Kim was off down the hall to the den. Olivia turned her attention back to the griddle, but about two minutes later Kim grabbed her from behind and pulled her into a huge hug. "I take it you think she'll like it."

"It's beautiful Olivia, she'll totally love it and I know she'll say yes. How are you gonna do it? When are you going to do it? How much did that cost you? Are you going to throw her off by giving her other presents too?"

"Kim breathe, you just asked five questions in one breath. I am giving her other gifts, plenty of them so we are all good there. I'm not telling anyone how much I spent on it and you just have to wait to see how I do it."

"Well, I think it's wonderful and she is going to be a mess of tears."

"You mean like you are right now?" Kim hadn't realized that tears had started to run down her face and she quickly whipped them away.

"Alex will be much worse. So who have you told?"

"You, Bill and JR. JR and Bill are helping me set it up and I had to ask Bill for his permission."

"How old fashioned and adorable of you. If you got that and a bunch of other stuff for Alex I can't wait to see what you got the rest of us. Alex really should have warned you; when Christmas comes around, we all turn into six year old who count who got more presents and who has the cooler one. Although thanks to you I think Alex won this year."

Olivia laughed, "your family is something else." Without missing a beat Kim replied, "be careful, they're about to be your family too and our weirdness is contagious."

The two of them continued to make breakfast, but as soon as the smell of pancakes wafted through the house everyone woke up and soon the kitchen was once again full of people clamoring for food. Once everyone sat down and started to eat, Olivia was still standing at the stove.

"Liv, baby, come sit and eat."

Olivia took the pancake she had been working on off the griddle and slid it onto a plate. "I'm coming, I just had to finish Lily's pancake." Olivia sat her plate down next to Alex and then quickly walked over to where Kim was holding Lily in her lap and she placed the plate in front of her.

"Momma look, it's Mickey Mouse pancakes, but without the fruit." Olivia had managed to make the shape by adding extra batter to create the ears. However she did it the four year old was beyond excited. "Thank you, 'livia."

"You're welcome Lily." Olivia sat down next to Alex and ate her pancakes and managed to grab some of the fruit before that was gone too. Once the dishes were all shoved in the dishwasher Haddie and Sam helped clean up the kitchen so that they could put the turkey in the oven for dinner. While Carol, Peter and Diana we working on getting the bird in the oven Gina and Tom were cutting potatoes and prepping the yams. Everyone who wasn't in the kitchen was helping set the huge table or was busy do last minute decorations and wrapping. As Olivia was walking downstairs with more presents the doorbell rang. She sat down the parcels in her arms, "I got it." Olivia opened the door to find a man in a FedEx uniform holding a huge box.

"Delivery for Hadassah Marino."

"She's my daughter, I'll sign for it." Olivia signed the electronic pad and handed it back to the man and took the box from him. She said Merry Christmas and closed the door behind her. She carried the box under her arm and asked Alex to grab the ones she had to put down. When they walked into the living room everyone stopped and starred at the rather large box in Olivia's arms.

"Wow, who is that one for?" Astrid asked as she finished putting the silverware on the table.

"Apparently it's for Haddie." At that moment Haddie walked into the house with Samantha, "what's for me?"

Olivia pointed to the big box that was now leaning against the wall close to the tree. "Seriously, who's it from?" Olivia shrugged, "no idea, but whoever sent it says not to open it until Christmas." Olivia handed Haddie the note and a huge smile played across her face.

"It's from Josh."

"How do you know that?"

"His handwriting is undeniable and barely legible at times. Trust me he sent it."

Astrid looked at the note and the present, "this kid must love you an awful lot. Sending a gift this big on Christmas Eve would not have been cheep." Haddie put the note back on the box, "he's not my boyfriend." From the kitchen Alex shouted, "yet, he isn't your boyfriend yet, stop pretending you don't have a thing for him." Haddie's face was completely red as she turned toward Samantha, "you want to go back outside or, you know anywhere but here." Samantha laughed and the two headed back outside to the pool house leaving everyone else to finish setting up. Olivia checked on everyone in the kitchen before she headed up to the roof. No one questioned when JR went up there, that was his space and Liv was the only one allowed up there other than himself, it was like their own clubhouse. Today though JR wasn't trying to deal with his problems or escape from anything he was working on Olivia's proposal.

"How's it going?"

"Good, I'm almost done setting up the stuff up here and I haven't died from frost bite. Any ideas on how we're gonna haul all this down stairs without anyone seeing it."

"That is what this box is for; we can put them all in the box and get them outside. We can set them up; no one is going to go out there because it's so cold. Before I take her outside just sneak outside to finish it up and come back in before we go out."

"This is more elaborate than missions we ran in the Corps."

"Would you feel better if I yelled at you like a commanding officer?"

"I think I'll survive without that thanks. There all done." Olivia grabbed the box JR had previously loaded up and followed him down stairs and into the living room. They started to walk outside when Ethan, William, Rebecca and Amy all asked them what they were doing. Olivia handed the box to JR and kneeled down so she was at eye level with the kids, "we're gonna go hide Aunt Alex's Christmas present outside and I need your guys help ok. Go into the kitchen where all the adults are and make sure that they stay in there for ten minutes ok." The kids thought it was cool that they were needed so they all took off toward the kitchen and started "helping" their parents with dinner which of course made things take twice as long as it normally would have. Olivia and JR made back in the house and threw off their winter coats and quickly walked into the kitchen.

"Olivia could you check the temp on the bird?" Olivia took the thermometer from Carol and did as she was asked. She handed the device back and smiled, she and JR hadn't been missed which meant everyone was still oblivious to what she was planning. Slowly people made their way out of the kitchen because even though it was a huge room, having every family member in there made it slightly crowded. The kids went back to playing in the living room trying to guess what present is what. The adults knew that dinner would be ready in roughly another hour so they all searched for something to do to kill time. Just as everyone settled into the living room, Samantha and Haddie came in from the pool house with guitars in hand.

"What's everyone sitting around for?" Samantha knew it was odd for her family to have down time during the holidays.

"Food isn't done yet and we're bored."

"Really mature mom. Your all adults, we've managed to keep ourselves entertained for the whole day just by playing around on the guitar."

"Fine Samantha, if you're so entertaining why don't the two of who play something for us, we have an hour to kill." Sam looked at Haddie and the two shrugged their shoulders. "Why not." Haddie and Sam each grabbed a chair and sat them in front of the tree, "so word of warning, we've been doing Christmas songs like all day and we can do some tomorrow, but for now we are done with them so we're doing some real music that has nothing to do with this holiday." Everyone was fine with that as Christmas music had been playing in the house all day long so they all welcomed the break.

The girls started strumming their guitars and after a brief intro they started to sing.

_**(Sam)**_

_Here we are now  
Everything is about to change  
We face tomorrow as we say goodbye to yesterday  
A chapter ending but the stories only just begun  
A page is turning for everyone_

All the adults smiled because this song sort of summed up everyone's year; everything was changing and new things were starting for everyone and they all knew it was going to be one hell of a new year._  
_

_**(Both)**__  
So I'm moving on  
Letting go  
Holding on to tomorrow  
I've always got the memories while I'm finding out who I'm gonna be  
We might be apart but I hope you always know  
You'll be with me wherever I go  
Wherever I go  
_

_**(Haddie)**__  
So excited I can barely even catch my breath  
We have each other to lean on for the road ahead  
This happy ending is the start of all our dreams  
And I know your heart is with me _

Alex squeezed Olivia's hand; their family was just starting out and the only thing they needed to make it perfect was the approval of Haddie's adoption._  
_

_**(Both)**__  
So I'm moving on  
Letting go  
Holding on to tomorrow  
I've always got the memories while I'm finding out who I'm gonna be  
We might be apart but I hope you always know  
You'll be with me wherever I go  
_

_**(Sam)**__  
Its time to show the world we've got something to say  
A song to sing out loud we'll never fade away_

_**(Haddie)**__  
I know I'll miss you but we'll meet again someday  
We'll never fade away_

So I'm moving on  
Letting go  
Holding on to tomorrow  
I've always got the memories while I'm finding out who I'm gonna be  
We might be apart but I hope you always know  
You'll be with me wherever I go  


_**(Both)**__  
So I'm moving on  
Letting go  
Holding on to tomorrow  
I've always got the memories while I'm finding out who I'm gonna be  
We might be apart but I hope you always know  
You'll be with me wherever I go  
Wherever, Wherever I go_

As the music died the applause broke out in the living room. Everyone shouted for more so the girls settled back into their chairs.

_**(Haddie)**_

_My heart has arrived,  
Love lives in your eyes  
And I need to know  
What you see in mine.  
I've been shattered and healed  
Searching for something that's real,  
Where do you stand? How do you feel?  
_

_**(Both)**__  
If I run, will you run after me?  
If I walk, will you wait patiently?  
If I fall, will you have sympathy?  
If I run, if I run  
Will you run after me?  
_

_**(Sam)**__  
I've dreamed of a place,  
Of white satin and lace,  
Black on a tie,  
And cake on my face,  
Wicker rocking chairs,  
Salt and peppered hair,  
When that day comes round  
Will you still be there?  
_

_**(Both)**__  
If I run, will you run after me?  
If I walk, will you wait patiently?  
If I fall, will you have sympathy?  
If I run, if I run  
Will you run after me?  
Ooh yeah_

If I run, oh if I, if I, if I run,  
If I run, will you run after me?  
If I walk, will you wait patiently?  
If I fall, will you have sympathy?  
If I run, If I run, If I run, If I run,  
If I run, will you run after me?  
If I walk, will you wait patiently?  
If I fall, will you have sympathy?  
If I run, If I run,  
Will you run after me?  
Ooh yeah  
Ooh my heart has arrived.

Once again everyone clapped and whistled when the song was over and much to the teenagers disgust most of the adults kissed their spouses, it was a love song after all. Carol and Peter went to check on the food and they said to start getting ready for dinner because the bird was due to be ready in 30 minutes. Everyone washed up and helped put drinks on the table and as the food became ready they set it on the table. Everyone found their seats and got settled. Ten minutes later Bill came in carrying the huge turkey and started carving it and serving everyone. Food was being passed all around the table and the alcohol was flowing freely making it a rather loud table to be sitting at. After about an hour or so everyone was done with the plate in front of them. Everyone grabbed something and took it into the kitchen and helped clean up. Once everyone felt like they could handle it, dessert got brought out. More conversation was exchanged over pie and ice cream and when that too was gone everyone was full and a little bit tipsy. As they were cleaning up JR slipped away from the group and went outside to finish setting up for Olivia's surprise for Alex. He returned a few minutes later and everyone was just starting to settle into the living room so he flopped down on the couch next to his wife.

The little kids were allowed to stay up a little bit later than usual, but after half an hour most of them were asleep in the theater. Their parents all tucked them in and returned to the living room with a fresh drink in hand and continued to tell stories. Haddie and Samantha had come into the house to make some popcorn to take back outside with them as they had decided to watch a movie and stay up as late as they could. Around 11 Olivia got up from the group and disappeared into the den. When she returned she whispered into Alex's ear, "I have a surprise for you outside."

"What is it?"

"Early Christmas present, come on throw on your coat." Alex stood up from the couch and grabbed her coat and handed Olivia's her's. They stepped out into the brisk night air and after a few steps Olivia placed her hand over Alex's eyes.

"Liv how am I supposed to see what you got me if I can't even see where I'm going?"

"Do you trust me?"

"With my life."

"Then don't worry, I will walk you to where you need to be and you just keep your eyes shut ok, no peeking." Alex did as she was told and shut her eyes as she was led down to the dock by Olivia.

As this was happening JR, Bill and Kim were watching from the living room door. JR had a pair of binoculars that he was using to see Olivia give him the signal. The rest of the family was hopelessly confused. When Haddie and Samantha came back into the living room to get their guitars they were confused as to why three of the adults were practically glued to the window.

Haddie bit the bullet, "what are they all looking at?"

Astrid and Emily both shrugged, "we aren't sure, your mother took Alex out there to give her a present and we have no idea what. But apparently the three of them know something the rest of us don't." At that moment JR saw Olivia wave at the house and that was his signal to kill the porch lights. He flipped the switch and exchanged his binoculars for night vision goggles so he could still see what was going on. Everyone else just sat back and waited for some kind of explanation of what the hell was happening.

Back outside Alex still had her eyes shut tightly, "Liv I'm cold can you please tell me what my present is?"

"One second." Olivia positioned herself behind Alex wrapping her arms around her waist and pulling her close, "when I count to three you can open ok?" Alex nodded.

"One."

"Two."

"Three." When Alex opened her eyes it took her a second to realize what was happening. The otherwise pitch black backyard was illuminated with the light coming from the tea candles that Olivia and JR had set up earlier. When JR went outside after dinner he finished arranging and lighting the candles on the small hill in the backyard so that they would spell out in candle light, Will You Marry Me? Before Alex could say anything, Olivia moved so that she was standing in front of her. She brushed away the few stray tears that were already falling from Alex's eyes before she actually got down on one knee and taking out the ring.

"Before you say anything, let me talk. I loved you from the first moment I met you. I know everyone always says that, but it's true; I looked at you and I never felt that kind of love for anyone before in my life. When I got a shot with you I felt like the luckiest woman that ever lived. You make my life better every day that you're in it, you push me to work hard and you're there to catch me when I fall. You and I have this amazing family together and I realized that the only thing that missing is you as my wife, not my partner. I want nothing more than for you to be the first thing I see when I wake up every day for the rest of my life and that means you have to answer a very important question. Alexandra Cabot, will you marry me?"

Alex was losing her resolve and tears were streaming down her face as she tried to compose herself long enough to answer. She shook her head up and down before she could choke out, "y-yes, of course I'll marry you." Olivia took the ring out of the box and slipped it on Alex's finger before getting off the ground and sweeping Alex up in a passionate kiss.

Back inside JR saw all of this through his goggles and he along with Kim and Bill started freaking out. The rest of the family was over not knowing what the hell was going on outside so Astrid grabbed her husband binoculars and looked outside and finally saw what they were starring at.

"Why are you watching the two of them making out? And why did they go outside to make out? What do you three know that we don't?"

Bill turned away from the window with a huge grin on his face, "Olivia gave Alexandra an early Christmas present, in the form of a rather expensive engagement ring." After that everyone started freaking out and crying and soon they were all glued to the window waiting for the couple to come back inside.

Once oxygen became a necessity the two came up for air, "we should go inside before they all come out here."

"No I want you all to myself." Alex pulled Olivia closer to her. "You have me for the rest of your life and if we don't go inside soon we're both going to freeze."

"Fine." They started walking and Alex kissed Olivia's cheek, "you are the best Christmas Eve gift I ever got."

**Hope you guys liked the proposal and the next chapter will be family reaction and Christmas morning. Review for the last chapter.**


	40. A Very Cabot Christmas Part 3

**So thus will be the last chapter for this story, so thank you to everyone who read it and reviewed. Fear not, there will be a sequel (I have part of it written already) so keep your eye out for that. Warning, there is a sex scene in this last chapter, because, well, I have a dirty mind and that is how I would celebrate getting engaged. Enjoy.**

When they walked into the living room everyone started talking at once, saying congratulations and trying to hug both Alex and Olivia. Bill got a hold of them both first, "now as the oldest living member of this family I feel I have the right to speak first. When Olivia came to me at Thanksgiving and asked my permission to ask Alexandra to marry her, I was truly touched. I've seen Alex grow up from a rambunctious little girl to a beautiful, strong and I might add very lucky woman; so today seeing this happen warms this old man's heart. So I propose a toast to the blushing brides, my they find every happiness in this world in each other." Everyone raised the glass in their hands and toasted the newly engaged couple I front of them. Alex hugged her uncle and Olivia tried to shake his hand, only to be pulled into the same kind of hug. "Family doesn't shake hands dear, we hug." Olivia smiled, she liked, no, she loved the idea of being part of this family.

"Allie let's see the rock." Emily shouted over the crowd of family members that had by now swarmed the couple. Alex held her hand out in front of her and everyone flipped out.

"Jesus Liv, did you buy an ice rink for Allie's finger." Astrid nudged Olivia in the ribs as she grabbed hold of Alex's hand to get a better look at the ring.

Olivia just shrugged, "I wanted her to have the best."

Alex leaned over and kissed her, "I already have the best, I have you." There was a chorus of "awww's" that was broken by Kim. "Wow, Alex, didn't know you were that much of a sap. You sure you wanted to marry her Olivia?"

"I've never wanted anything more." Olivia wrapped her arms around Alex and kissed the base of her neck. This time Tom was the one to break the moment, "well, they are so disgustingly sweet I think we all just got diabetes watching them. I say we celebrate this engagement in true Cabot tradition, bring on the alcohol." Most of the adults shuffled into the kitchen, the girls were still fawning over Alex's ring and the men all stood in the background mumbling how Olivia's romantic side was making them all look bad. Olivia turned off the porch light and when she turned around to join the others in the kitchen, she saw her daughter and Samantha standing in front of her. For a minute Haddie just stared at her mother, but then she spoke up, "you're really going to get married, like legit get married."

"Yep we are, are you ok with that?"

"We'll be a real family?"

Olivia tried to fight back the stray tears that were clinging to the corners of her eyes, "we've always been a real family, the only thing this changes is that now we will be legally married. What do you say?"

Haddie smiled and threw her arms around Olivia, "I think it sounds really perfect."

"Good, I think so too. Now what do you say we go make a fuss over your mother's ring and I'll sneak you two a glass of champagne before you go finish your movie ok." Sam and Haddie followed Olivia into the kitchen. Everyone sat around the table talking about wedding plans and comparing proposal and wedding stories. Finally, after hours of talking they all realized it was 1am and that not only was it Christmas morning, they had to be up soon to open presents with the kids. Everyone said their goodnights and congratulations once again before Alex and Olivia headed upstairs to their room. Before the rest of them turned in and after the couple was out of ear shot Astrid turned to all of them, "20 bucks says they have celebration sex."

Once they were both in the room, Olivia shut the door behind them and as the door clicked shut Olivia felt herself be quickly turned around and pushed backwards into the door. Most times when it came to sex Olivia was the one that started things so seeing Alex take charge was unexpected and a huge turn on. Alex kept Olivia pinned to the door, the two of them wrapped up in a rather intense make out session. After a few minutes Olivia could no longer take the door knob being continually jammed into her back so she pushed Alex back enough so she could move out from that spot and quickly position herself on the bed, pulling Alex back on top of her.

Alex broke away from her lover's lips and started applying kisses at the base of her neck, knowing full well that some of them were going to turn into hickies. During this kiss assault on her neck Olivia kept moving her arms so she could hold onto Alex's hips. As her hands settled on Alex's body, Alex stopped what she was doing, grabbed Olivia's wrists and pushed them above her head.

"Alex." Olivia was practically begging to touch her, but Alex smirked and shook her head as she dipped back into the crock of Olivia's neck, "ah ah ah Detective, you always get to be in charge, well tonight I'm in charge, ok?" Olivia nodded.

"Rule number one," Alex pushed herself up for a moment, "lose the clothes, you won't need them for what I have planned." Alex let go of Liv's wrists and helped her pull her shirt off. Once the shirt was gone Alex went back to kissing Olivia while she reached around her torso and unhooked her bra with one hand and threw it after the shirt. Alex carefully laid Olivia back down on the bed and quickly threw off her own shirt before trying to unhook Olivia's jean button. It took some team work but soon the denim pants joined the fast growing pile of clothes on the floor. Alex threw off her own bra before returning to her lover's neck.

"Rule number two, no touching me, you've done enough this evening, now I get to show you how much I love you." Olivia had lost the ability to actually form words so she nodded and moved her neck slightly to give Alex better access. After spending a few moments more at her neck, Alex started to move her kissing down Olivia chest until she reached her breasts. While her left hand was working on Olivia's right breast, Alex had her mouth firmly attached to the left one. She lightly dragged her teeth along the sensitive skin and gently bit the erect nipple which elicited a sharp breath from Olivia. Alex ran her tongue over the nipple to soothe it and repeated the action once more before switching sides and giving the same attention to that breast. She kissed her way back up to Olivia's lips and in a low voice she whispered in Liv's ear, "what do you want, tell me?"

"Y-Y-You, I want you. Need you." Alex smiled and continued to kiss Olivia for a few moments more before her hand started to travel further down Olivia's body. After what seemed like forever to Olivia, Alex's hand started to stroke her inner thigh, moving closer to her core. Without warning Alex gentle plunged two fingers into her lover. The sudden contact caused Olivia to gasp and then proceed to buck against Alex's hand.

"What did I say about me being in charge? Be patient because I'm going to make you cum so hard that you're going to be screaming my name so loud the neighbors will know what we're doing." Alex slowed her speed and Olivia stopped bucking her hips and let Alex continue. After a few minutes Alex added another finger and increased her speed.

"Fuck Alex, so good baby."

"Yeah, you like it when I fuck you." Olivia always got turned on when Alex talked dirty during sex. "God yes, fuck me harder, faster." Alex smirked as she increased her speed and curled her fingers so that every time she hit the g spot. Alex could feel Olivia was close as her walls were starting to clamp down on Alex's fingers.

"So…..close…. Alex." Alex look down at Liv writhing underneath her and smiled. "Come for me baby." Alex latched onto one of Olivia's breasts while she continued her rhythm.

Olivia was coming undone fast and no longer had volume control, "Oh my God, Alex, so fucking good, harder, fuck me harder, I'm gonna…" Before she could finish her sentence Alex flick her clit with her thumb and that was all it took to send Olivia over the edge. She screamed Alex's name and the orgasm ripped through her body. Alex kept pumping her fingers in and out of Olivia while she rode out the waves of her orgasm and after a while her body stopped convulsing. Alex let go of Olivia's breast and quickly withdrew her fingers from her lover, only to replace them with her mouth. She wasn't done with Olivia yet.

She sucked on Olivia's clit, licking it and flicking it with her tongue. She swirled her tongue around Olivia's outer lips, before burying her tongue deep in her lover.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, Alex, yes yes, keeping going." Alex latched onto Olivia's clit once more and after only a minute she could fell that Olivia was close to another orgasm. She flicked the sensitive bud one more time before sucking on it again and that final flick was what did it. Once again, Alex's name was screamed as another powerful orgasm ripped through Olivia's body. Alex gave Olivia a quick kiss before collapsing next to her, watching Liv come down off her orgasmic high.

"That was really….wow." Alex snuggled into Olivia, "thanks babe."

"Do you want me to…?" Alex cut her off before she could finish, "nope, tonight was about you, you gave the best gift ever and I wanted to show you how much I love you."

"I knew you loved me already, but this was a really nice touch."

Alex laughed, "so, you still wanna marry me?"

"More than anything else in this world." Olivia kissed Alex and threw the blankets over them before they both passed out.

Down stairs everyone else was finishing up cleaning the kitchen and organizing presents under the tree. When they heard Olivia call out Alex's name not once, but twice everyone started to laugh and Astrid held out her hand waiting for everyone to cough up the money they had bet earlier.

Astrid put the money in her jeans pocket, "Easiest money I ever made. Well, everyone I say its time us old folks hit the hay, the kids are going to wake up super early and Santa needs her beauty sleep." The rest of the family all settled in for the night or at least for a few hours of sleep before the kids woke up in a Christmas panic.

Luckily for the adults of the household, the youngest kids stayed asleep until 9 which was pretty good considering most kids wake up at 6am on Christmas. Amy and Lily were the first to wake up and they took it upon themselves to wake up the rest of the youngsters. The kids then set out to wake up their parents and soon the whole house was awake with the exception of Olivia and Alex. While everyone started to eat breakfast Lily crept upstairs to see what was keeping her aunts. She returned moments later and tugged on her mother's robe.

"Yes, Lily?"

"I went upstairs to wake Aunt Alex and Olivia up, but the door was locked." The whole kitchen erupted into laughter and Kim couldn't help but laugh as well. She gave her daughter a kiss and handed her a plate of food, "Lily go sit down and eat, and I'll go see why that door is locked ok." Kim took off up the stairs and got to Alex's room and sure enough when she tried the handle it was locked. Kim smiled and then decided she was going to play dirty. She pounded on the door, "Alex, Liv, put some clothes on and come downstairs, the neighbors want to know what that noise was last night." As she was walking away the door flung open and Alex was standing there in her robe with a guilty look on her face. "You're lying."

Kim smirked, "maybe I am, but breakfast is ready and your niece would like to know why your door was locked this morning. Although if were butt naked I'm glad you at least had the presence of mind to lock the damn door."

Alex blushed slightly, "did everyone hear us?"

"Everyone but the kids, now hurry up and get dressed and come eat so we can open presents."

"Ok, we'll be down as soon as Olivia is out of the shower." Kim nodded and went back downstairs while Alex quick got dressed and fixed her hair. Olivia finished her shower and once she was dressed they headed downstairs. When they entered the kitchen everyone made cat calls and remarks about what that noise was last night, making Olivia turn beat red and Alex buried her head in the fridge trying to ignore her family. They sat down and ate quickly as they knew the younger kids were dying to open gifts. Once the dishes were in the dishwasher everyone filed into the living room which was literally covered in presents. The little kids were running around like they were high on sugar and life, which in hind sight was probably true. They finally settled into a seat either on a couch with their parents or on the floor. The adults started handing out gifts and soon there was paper flying in every direction and it was craziness, but in a good way. The little kids tore through their gifts in half an hour and were off playing with their new toys leaving the adult to unwrap their gifts.

Alex handed Sam a rather large box that was from her and Olivia. The teen ripped off the paper and with a little help from her father's pocket knife opened the box. Lying inside that box was a brand new acoustic guitar. Sam lifted the guitar carefully out of the box and placed it in her lap.

"You guys this is so awesome, I don't even know how to thank you for this. Mine was about to fall apart completely. Thank you."

"You are more than welcome, now Haddie why don't you open that one from Joshua." Olivia nodded to the large box that was leaning against the wall still. Haddie went over and laid the box on the ground before opening the box to reveal her own acoustic guitar. It was similar to Sam's, but it was a different color. Haddie took it out of the box and ran her hands over instrument, it was beautiful.

Olivia leaned over to Alex and whispered, "the one we bought Sam cost 200 bucks, how in the hell did he afford that guitar?" Alex shrugged her shoulders, this boy clearly felt something for her daughter and she found it very sweet. The girls sat on the floor strumming their guitars and Alex and Olivia were sitting on the couch simply relaxing when from the den Bill appeared with two packages in hand. He handed one to Alex and the other to Olivia.

"Before I left the office, a messenger dropped these off. They're both from a Don Cragen." Olivia looked at Alex who looked just as confused as she was. Everyone was watching them to see what it was that was in the packages. Olivia opened the one in her hands first and it took a second to realize what it was but when she did a huge smile played across her face as she handed the papers to Alex. Alex started legitimately freaking out, in the best possible way. Alex kissed Olivia and went back to being over the moon happy. Finally, Emily bit the bullet and asked, "for Christ's sake Alex, what is it."

Alex grabbed Olivia off the couch, "it Liv's test results, you are all looking at SVU's brand new Sergeant." Everyone got up congratulated Olivia and when everyone had said their congrats they settled back in and encouraged Alex to open the package still in her hand. Alex opened the envelope and took out of it a larger stack of papers that looked very familiar.

Alex started to frantically flip thought he pages until she suddenly stopped. She looked up at Olivia with tears already falling from her face. Olivia worried and thought it was something bad.

"Alex, baby what is it? What's wrong?"

Alex shook her head, "she's ours."

"Allie baby what are you talking about who is ours."

Alex handed Olivia the papers and pointed to the signature at the bottom of the page, "the papers were approved, according to the state of New York, Haddie is now officially our daughter." Olivia starred at the papers in sheer disbelief; they had said the papers would get cleared sometime in the Spring, if they were lucky. Alex stood up and scoped Haddie into a huge hug that made it hard for either one of them to breathe. Olivia handed the papers to Bill who, along with everyone else, was waiting to hear what it was the papers said. When we looked down he cleared his throat and addressed his family.

"Listen up everyone, I know every year we have a competition as to who got the best gifts and this year I'm sure we can all agree Alex won. That being said I hope she doesn't mind sharing the winning title, because we all just got a wonderful gift. In my hand I hold the finalized and approved adoption papers for Haddie. So Alex may have gotten an engagement ring, but we all just got a new family member." The room erupted with happy tears and whistling. Everyone hugged the new family and congratulated Alex and Olivia.

When things settled down Olivia found herself sitting on the same couch with Alex sitting next to her snuggling into her shoulder. She looked around the room, looking at her family. The boys were watching the finally minutes of the game, Bill and Peter were working on assembling some of the more intricate gifts, their wives stood in the corner laughing at them trying to do so without the instructions. Astrid, Gina and Allison were trying to clean up the wrapping paper while watching the football game over their shoulders. Sam and Haddie we on the floor playing their guitars and signing along to some song Olivia had never heard before. She thought back to the year that they had had and she smiled. Never in her life would she have thought things could turn out this way. She didn't know what she did to deserve to be that happy; how did she go from being single and being shot to being engaged with a teenage daughter.

She kissed the top of Alex's head and took another look at her family and realized that everything she ever wanted was right in front of her. If there was such a thing as perfection, Olivia Benson was fairly certain she had found it.

**Ok everyone that was the last chapter. I really hope you enjoyed it. I will be writing a sequel, but I need to get school situated before I start it so please be patient and stick with me. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed. Ending this story is hard because it's my baby, but like I said I'll start another one soon. Please review this chapter or just let me know what you thought of the story as a whole. Thanks everyone, happy reading.**


	41. Sequel

Once again, thanks for all the reviews and to all my readers. If you interested the sequel is up and running. It's called I Think I Want To Marry You and you can find it under my name and on my profile. Thanks for all your support everyone.


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